KayM
recently joined
Reged: 12/07/09
Posts: 3
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No kids, married 17 years. I had the computer-smarts, so the deal was that he'd stay home and care for the house/cars, while I worked and paid the bills.
He's been, let's say, "lackluster" at that. He does the chores that he wants to do. He starts home improvement projects and doesn't finish them. He has, sporadically, worked for himself, and reported as much of his income as he would tell me about (not much to speak of). His last job ended due to a workers comp claim. He DOES NOT LIKE TO WORK for others, so doesn't work much at all. And, again, I need to stress -- that the work he promised to do around the house has been, over the years, maybe 50% done. Maybe less.
I won't go into the reasons that I'm considering divorce, but they are many.
The only reason he has any savings at all is my financial management -- he's got a Roth and Traditional IRA (not amounting to much). He's 62, so could start collecting SS pretty soon.
I have paid - I would guess - 98% of all bills in the house since we've been married. WHEN HE HAD money, he might contribute some. Sometimes, because I contributed on his behalf (as he trusted me to manage his money).
How, before paying a lawyer, would I find out if I might be required to pay him alimony if we divorce? He REALLY does not deserve it -- he has not really contributed. He could've; he just didn't. What kinds of things do I need to document?
I'm looking or places to research the things LEADING UP to talking to a lawyer, for a Georgia divorce.
I'm still holding out hope that we can work out our differences, but I like to be prepared.
Thanks
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googledad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/31/05
Posts: 6121
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What state do you live in ?
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It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
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ILMimi
addict
Reged: 01/03/08
Posts: 472
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I had a similar situation; my ex was a SAHD for 8 years. When he went back to work (I basically had to get him to do so, kicking and screaming all the way) he did so at a low paying salary. He made about 1/6th of what I did. We were married for 19 years in IL.
We ended up agreeing to a settlement where he got 1/2 equity in the home ($170K) plus I paid his COBRA for 18 months plus I gave him another $10K for his debts. He also gets 1/2 of the 401K (he had $8K in his IRA and I had around $80K; he gets half the combined amount). He agreed to no SS.
If we were to go to trial, my lawyer said worst case would have been SS set at 15% of my gross FOR LIFE!!
I became self-employed right before the divorce. My income is so high that he wouldn't have to ever work if we had gone to trial.
In 18 months he blew through all the money and is now living in a "group home" in his hometown in NY. He is on welfare and in section 8 housing. I'll never see the CS he owes or the medical/extracurricular he owes.
Honestly, I'd rather have peace than have his money.
In this case, he is bipolar and a drug addict.
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KayM
recently joined
Reged: 12/07/09
Posts: 3
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Sorry, I thought I included that: i'm in Georgia.
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KayM
recently joined
Reged: 12/07/09
Posts: 3
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Mimi,
I notice, at the end, you said "I'd rather have peace than have his money." Perhaps this is part of the problem with our marriage (though this attitude wouldn't have occurred if his attitude had been better) -- but I don't think of it as HIS money. At all. He'd have had NOTHING if I hadn't worked, and saved, and invested, and made HIM be more frugal. NOTHING. His credit was in the toilet when we got together - if I remember correctly (it was a long time ago), he'd had a bankruptcy. My husband is PROBABLY bipolar, and USED TO BE a drug addict (yes, I know there's no "used to be" - he no longer uses drugs, but many of the same behaviors are still there).
But this is not a board for that discussion -- I just really hate the idea of having to continue to support him if I divorce him. The only thing that I gain then is the separation and, if I'm lucky, peace.
It's the home (not worth as much as yours - maybe $120K) and the investments (worth much more) that I would hate most to give him any of, since he contributed almost nothing to either. I would love to be able to go back and just give him WHAT HE'S PUT IN, but I'll bet that almost never happens, huh?
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ILMimi
addict
Reged: 01/03/08
Posts: 472
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Unfortunately (or fortunately if you are on the receiving end) when it comes to financial matters, when you are married all assets and debts are considered joint. He could have been sitting on his butt the whole time but can claim whatever assets were accrued during the marriage.
Believe me, I totally understand where you are coming from as I felt the same way. If the spouse was actually working hard as a stay at home mom/dad that would be one thing as I do sincerely believe they are contributing to the household even if they are not generating income. My issue is when there is a spouse who refuses to work up to their capacity because the other spouse has a good job and can carry them.
My ex was a hard working, money generating person for 6 years, then another 6 years he was a SAHD. Looking back I can say that any assets (or debts) should have been split equitably over those 12 years. It was the last 7 years I have a problem with. If anything, he sucked the emotional and financial life out of us. (Multiple car accidents, rehab, he couldn't work because he couldn't get up in the morning, etc.) If I hadn't quit my last job I would have been fired. It got to the point where (I was in sales) I couldn't travel anymore because I couldn't leave my kids alone with him.
Anyway,the best advice I can give you is to get the divorce as soon as possible. The longer this goes on, the worse it will be for you.
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daisy7386
recently joined
Reged: 12/15/09
Posts: 1
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[censored]://[censored].womansdivorce.com/spousal-alimony.html#DURATION
check the link for alimony related doubts
Health Insurance tx
Edited by daisy7386 (12/16/09 09:51 AM)
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Empathetic
recently joined
Reged: 01/18/10
Posts: 5
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I avoided SS but I didn't see divorce coming and when it came assumed an equitable settlement was best based on earning potential. See a lawyer. When we wed I had a high income & investments. She was a SAHM & a good one. Several yrs into our marriage my income turned south & we decided to pay off our mortgage, car loans & consumer debt w/ my investments. This enabled us to maintain our standard of living. Another several years later things were'nt going well intimately & she wanted a divorce. The agreement we reached since my income was'nt looking so good on a SS arraingement basis historically & potentially, compaired to hers, was to give her the house & I would rent from her while building my assets back up. A few years later my company went out of business & the industry did no better. I was evicted & moved into a shelter. Meanwhile, she had remarried her ex & convinced him to hire me in one of his convenience stores in order to pay some CP. This allowed me to move to a group home. I then got a second job house cleaning & yard work which allowed me to rent a small house & cover child support. Get a lawyer & a prenup if reading this forum pre-nuptial!
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