alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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How could she pretend to love me but behind my back develop all this hatred and rancor? What is it that’s so different about her?
I first met her in a restaurant. It was a Mexican restaurant. She came in through the door. She was a tiny, average looking woman. She radiated a lot of energy but she wasn’t anything special…
We sat at a table and ordered dinner and wine. When we started talking she seems unusually interested in me. Since I am a 6 foot, athletic man I did not make much of it at the time. After dinner I drove us to a night-club and had a drink. Then I drove us back to the restaurant’s parking where we sat in the car and talked for a while. She told me she was terminating a painful relationship with the father of her three sons. Then she said something really strange:
She said: “I am like play-dough. I can adapt to any man”. I told her that I am not interested in a woman like that. I told her she should just be herself. She never mentioned it again. I did not realize what she really meant.
We drove to the house where she and her sons lived – her husband’s house. She showed me the divorce petition he had filed. She explained that he had been arrested for beating her some six months earlier. How did that make me feel? I felt pity for her. I felt like I need to help her.
So I helped her with the entire divorce proceedings. The first time she came over to my house she kissed me with a lot of intensity. That seemed unusual to me but she said she always kisses that way. I did not make much of it at the time. She suggested we go to bed together. That seemed unusual to me but I agreed.
Many strange things happened during the tree years that followed. She was living in her unrealistic grandiose fantasies, she would be euphoric and then dysphoric and sad, she behaved in a childish way but also charming on occasions and on other occasions she displayed a complete lack of self esteem. She would tell her fantastic life stories constantly and she was addicted to admiration, adoration and approval. She trained her youngest son to give her compliments about her looks.
Almost three years later she would beg me to marry her. I would agree, not because I wanted us to be married, but because I agreed that I had to fix her and her son’s legal situation in the US. I agreed because I did not want them to continue being illegal in this country.
I was horrified to realize that all along her plan had been to accuse me of domestic violence and gain her immigration to the US by abusing VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) and the system that was there to help battered women.
As much as she made me feel like I was the best, the ideal man for her, in the end she said I was worthless, the worst man she had ever known and she became extremely sadistic towards me. She said and did everything to hurt me.
Can you imagine the horror? I am being falsely accused and I didn't understand why?
Does she have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD?
So when she said: “I am like play-dough. I can adapt to any man”. She really meant: I will pretend to be the perfect wife until I reach my objectives. I will abuse you until I get what I want. Then I will betray you and accuse you of domestic violence and move to a shelter so that I get free housing, professional certification, employment, educational grants for me and my children, free medical services and of course... express-way to become a US citizen.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6458
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I have knifes, guns, pills, and lots of other stuff you could use to just off yourself with.
I wouldn't charge much for the shipping either.....
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sadad
member
Reged: 01/01/10
Posts: 103
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SIR.....
COUNSELOR!!
YOU NEED HELP!
Nothing wrong with that if you act on it!
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It takes a "special" person to cheat.
Once a cheater always a cheater!
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alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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Ok, ok, ok.
I see a counselor, a very good one!
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6458
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Aparently, not good enough
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alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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She is the best (my counselor)!!!
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philivey
member
Reged: 11/10/09
Posts: 126
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you are not a victim. deal with it.
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alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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I am a victim! I am a victim of abuse by a narcissist.
I am having a major difficulty with a couple of things though:
1. Initially my desire for helping this woman came from the fact that she was a domestic violence victim. Her first husband confessed in court to the charges. I gave her and her 3 sons a home for 3 years. This woman was fairly messed up physically and I was constantly taking her to see doctors, surgeons, hospitals and emergency rooms and I even paid for a couple of cosmetic surgeries that she wanted. So I invested a lot in lifting her from the ditch she had been in. Then during the last half a year I needed a couple of surgeries and I got very sick after the second. So instead of supporting me and helping me thought my difficult times she was planning on getting away by accusing me of abuse and violence, moving to a shelter and starting a new life away from me.
2. Her legal status in this country expired when she moved in with me and I provided her and her sons with a shelter and protection. I helped her getting a drivers license, I helped her sons with school registration and in the end I agreed to marry her so that she and her sons would become legal in the US. In the end she turned all that against me and used (abused) a system that was put in place to help battered women to falsely accuse me and gain benefits such as free housing, certification, employment, medical services, education grants and of course, an express way to become a US citizen.
So what happened is, first she abused me for 3 years, then falsely accused me of abuse and violence (her accusation were dismissed in court but she still gets everything anyway) and now she is abusing systems that where put in place for real battered women.
Now I know that to invest in a narcissist is a purposeless, futile and meaningless activity. I should have known that before I met her.
From some reason this is really hard for me to live with... She ruined my life…
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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A victim of your own delusions. None of this is real. You're dreaming all of it. When I clap my hands you will awaken. Ahh nevermind. Best remain asleep.
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Char Fox
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alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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Now I know that she is a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath and very dangerous. Everything coming out of her mouth is extremely toxic. I have been told that she feels no remorse or empaty, but I was also told that deep inside she knows she did me wrong and that she has presecutory dellusions, that she will be worried about retaliation. I believe it because I remember how scared she was from her first husband, the one she got arrested. I think deep inside she believed he has the right to retaliate because of what she did to him.
I can't out-think her? Who knows.... I filed for divorce just as soon as she revealed her true self. As soon as her accusations got dismissed, the judge granted me the divorce and she wasn't even present. 4 months later she tried to get into my house to get her stuff. She called the police to help her and the policed called me on my cell (Ironically I was not home, I was visiting her sister and brother-in-law). I told the police not to let her into my house and the police asked her to leave. Then I went back to court and the judge gave me a court order that she lost her rights for her belongings that she had left in my house. I needed that so that she would not come back.
But... on December 1st, exactly one year after I filed for divorce, she/her sons broke into my house as a retaliation and robbed me of a few things. Naturally I called the police but despite of that I told the police who it was, chances are the police will do nothing.
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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SInce you have posted so many posts in the same forum about same subject again and again and again, says you truly need a serious help. So she used you, as a man just understand and accept it and just move on... Yo have all of ours sympathy.
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alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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Thanks Myheart.
Almost 4 years after I met Martha I finally understood what she was. I divorced her a year ago, but it took me 7 addidtional months of searching to figure out her disorder.
I filed for divorce because some really wierd stuf was going on...
In case you wonder, she is a full blown narcissist. I have been suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) for a year now.
August 27, 2008, we had been living together in my house for almost 3 years during which I provided them with house, food, medical care, protection and much more. She begged me to marry her. She said she and her sons needed to be legal in the US and I agreed. I said I would only marry her with a pre-nup. When the judge signed the marriage certificate and she kissed me, I felt like it was the devil kissing me.
The next day she said "I have a really bad feeling about the pre-nup". I said “I told you I couldn’t marry you without a pre-nup, but if this marriage works out we can make changes to it later.” I didn’t know what her plans were at the time. Now I do.
In September 2008, about a month later she threatened me: “If you don’t file for immigration for me and my sons I will leave you a present”. What she meant was she would have me arrested. I was laughing. I hadn’t done anything she could put me in jail for. I knew she got her first husband arrested but he really beat her. At the time we were still intimate. I thought she couldn’t be serious. I thought she was under stress. I felt pity for her. I wanted to help. I said “I will do the application for you because I promised”.
October 2008 after I filed the immigration applications: Several things are becoming extremely clear: She only cares about the immigration process. She spends my money without consideration and I am becoming of absolutely no importance in her life whatsoever. In order to control her spending I shut off the credit card I had given her.
Both of her sons began behaving in a very disturbing way. The 18 year old became extremely depressed and the 15 year old was lying on the sofa with her all day long, watching TV, making weird sounds and constantly giving her compliments such as “mommy you are so pretty and wow, mommy you are so sexy”.
November 2008 it was her birthday and we drove to her sister’s house for dinner. I left my camera at home and she got really upset. I told her that her brother-in-law had a camera and that he would take photos, but from some reason it was really important for her that we took our own pictures. Was it because she needed proof of us being together? Did she already know it would not last much longer?
November 27, 2008, exactly 3 months after I had married her she started a stupid fight about a movie on TV. She had finished watching a program and I took the remote to look for a movie to watch. She tried to snatch the remote from me and after a couple of seconds I let her have it. I was upset so I disconnected the set-top box. She told her 18 year old son to cut off the satellite antenna cables. He grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off all 4 cables. I talked to her in private in the bed room and I told her that what her son had done was a violent act and that if she thinks it was ok then maybe she should look for another place to live.
November 28, 2008, I went shopping and when I got back to the house she and her sons were leaving on foot. They did not come back that day.
November 29, 2008, She and her sons return to the house escorted by the police. I asked her what was going on and she said: “The children said all sort of stuff to the police” but she did not go into any further details.
November 30, 2008, She demanded to use my SUV and I said that first I wanted an explanation to what she did the previous day. She said she would call the police and I said “go ahead”. The police arrived. First they said that I must let her have my SUV. I told the police that the SUV is mine and that we had a pre-nup. After I showed the pre-nup to the police they agreed with me. The police left. Then she told her sons to steal my car keys which they did and they hid them somewhere in the house. I asked for the keys back and when she refused I said that I would call the police. She still refused and I called the police. I told the policemen that had arrived what had happened and he said to them “I need to see the keys rights now!”. They went back to the house and brought the keys to him and he gave them to me. I said “I love this woman but she married me for immigration only”. The policeman said “Obviously you two need to get divorced”. She and her sons left in a taxi that I paid for with my credit card. That evening after they came back I printed out the divorce petition and I showed her. She said “So you are leaving me with nothing” and I said “We have a pre-nup, don’t we?” She said “Well, if you don’t want to be married to me then that’s fine. My sons don’t want to live with you anymore.” (Later, after they had left my house, when I was cleaning up their rooms I found notes to the children written by her inciting them to hate me, for example “An advice for a better life: don’t give a damn about what he says”).
December 1, 2008, I drove to the courthouse and filed the divorce petition. I thought the nightmare would be over after that, but boy was I wrong.
December 5, 2008, The sheriff came to the house to serve her with the divorce papers. I started feeling pity for her again and I let her use the car. She drove to see a lawyer. The lawyer explained to her that if we get divorced she will not receive her green card unless… she accuses me of domestic violence. Then she told me she was looking for a job but she was lying. She went to talk to several domestic violence shelters. She finally made contact with Laura Mora of The International Women’s House, a VAWA (Violence Against Woman Act) service center in Dekalb, GA and they accepted her and even offered her a job.
I wanted to see if there was a possibility to reconcile and I tried to talk to her. Immediately she asked her son to call the police which he did. When the police arrived they told the policeman that I had called them “stupid”. Since I was still trying to reconcile I said “I may have said things I was not supposed to say, but I was trying to talk to her. Is that wrong?” Then policeman told her that if she called again she would get arrested.
December 19, 2008, She and her sons moved to the shelter, The International Women’s House, in Dekalb, GA. She took my SUV with her
December 31, 2008, A friend of mine and I drove to her sister’s house with a bottle of wine. I was hoping she would be there. I wanted to wish her a happy new year and to try to reconcile again. She and her sons were there. I put the bottle of wine on the table in front of her and said “Happy New Year”. To my amazement she and her sons started provoking me. She said in a rude voice “Don’t send any more emails to my friends” and some other weird stuff. I said “OK then, I am leaving” and I left. I realized that I didn’t know her any more and I decided to take my SUV back. I had a spare key. I asked my friend to drive my car and I got into the SUV. As I was driving away she and her sons ran out of the sister’s house. Her younger son ran in front of the SUV. I had to make a sharp turn onto the side of the street to avoid hitting him. She and her sons got into my car that my friend was driving and they asked him to follow me. After a couple of miles I stopped and called the police. When the police arrived I asked the police to remove her and her sons from my car. To my amazement she instructed her son to tell the police that I tried to run them over with the SUV. I told the police that my friend so everything and my friend told them what had happened. Finally the police tool them away in the police car.
January 8, 2009, She went to the court in my county and filed a petition for a temporary protective order that was full of lies. She had signed a template that had everything in it that has to do with domestic violence. She didn’t even bother to strike out anything. Then she added the part about me trying to run them over with the SUV. In the petition she claimed that the SUV was hers and she demanded it for herself.
January 13, 2009, She went in front of the judge, swearing that what was in the petition was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. She committed purgery for the first time.
January 16, 2009, I was served by the sheriff with the a temporary protective order. It was a horrible experience. They actually tried to take my SUV. It was my SUV. I didn’t understand how that was possible. How can the sheriff take something that is entirely mine from me? Fortunately the SUV would not crank. I had disconnected the starter just to be safe.
January 23, 2009, My friend and I drove to the court house. She and her sons appeared and then the lawyer I had retained came. My lawyer was a pretty little thin looking woman. My lawyer asked my friend what had happened the night of December 23. Then my lawyer tried to reach a settlement with her. My lawyer came back saying “She wants to go to court”. In the court me lawyer said her opening statement saying that this case was not about violence, it was about immigration and the SUV that she had no rights to. Then she got on the stand. Her voice was extremely arrogant. I didn’t recognize her at all. She was talking about things that allegedly happened before we got married. She committed purgery for the second time. The judge asked her a couple of questions. She answered and he knew she was lying. The judge said “I heard enough” and dismissed the accusations. My lawyer spoke to one of the deputies and he asked her (my soon to be ex) for the keys to my SUV. She got them out of her purse and I got the keys back.
January 29, 2009, I went back to court for the divorce hearing. She wasn’t there, in fact she didn’t even know about the hearing. The judge didn’t care. He granted me the divorce.
The court in my county knows exactly what this case is about. The court knows she was lying. I asked the sheriff and the DA if they would press charged of purgery against her. The answer was that everyone is entitled to accuse anyone of anything, and since it was dismissed that is no real damage…. boy, are they wrong. The damage is devastating!!!
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