alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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How could she pretend to love me but behind my back develop all this hatred and rancor? What is it that’s so different about her?
I first met her in a restaurant. It was a Mexican restaurant. She came in through the door. She was a tiny, average looking woman. She radiated a lot of energy but she wasn’t anything special…
We sat at a table and ordered dinner and wine. When we started talking she seems unusually interested in me. Since I am a 6 foot, athletic man I did not make much of it at the time. After dinner I drove us to a night-club and had a drink. Then I drove us back to the restaurant’s parking where we sat in the car and talked for a while. She told me she was terminating a painful relationship with the father of her three sons. Then she said something really strange:
She said: “I am like play-dough. I can adapt to any man”. I told her that I am not interested in a woman like that. I told her she should just be herself. She never mentioned it again. I did not realize what she really meant.
We drove to the house where she and her sons lived – her husband’s house. She showed me the divorce petition he had filed. She explained that he had been arrested for beating her some six months earlier. How did that make me feel? I felt pity for her. I felt like I need to help her.
So I helped her with the entire divorce proceedings. The first time she came over to my house she kissed me with a lot of intensity. That seemed unusual to me but she said she always kisses that way. I did not make much of it at the time. She suggested we go to bed together. That seemed unusual to me but I agreed.
Many strange things happened during the tree years that followed. She was living in her unrealistic grandiose fantasies, she would be euphoric and then dysphoric and sad, she behaved in a childish way but also charming on occasions and on other occasions she displayed a complete lack of self esteem. She would tell her fantastic life stories constantly and she was addicted to admiration, adoration and approval. She trained her youngest son to give her compliments about her looks.
Almost three years later she would beg me to marry her. I would agree, not because I wanted us to be married, but because I agreed that I had to fix her and her son’s legal situation in the US. I agreed because I did not want them to continue being illegal in this country.
I was horrified to realize that all along her plan had been to accuse me of domestic violence and gain her immigration to the US by abusing VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) and the system that was there to help battered women.
As much as she made me feel like I was the best, the ideal man for her, in the end she said I was worthless, the worst man she had ever known and she became extremely sadistic towards me. She said and did everything to hurt me.
Can you imagine the horror? I am being falsely accused and I didn't understand why?
Does she have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD?
So when she said: “I am like play-dough. I can adapt to any man”. She really meant: I will pretend to be the perfect wife until I reach my objectives. I will abuse you until I get what I want. Then I will betray you and accuse you of domestic violence and move to a shelter so that I get free housing, professional certification, employment, educational grants for me and my children, free medical services and of course... express-way to become a US citizen.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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I have knifes, guns, pills, and lots of other stuff you could use to just off yourself with.
I wouldn't charge much for the shipping either.....
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sadad
member
Reged: 01/01/10
Posts: 103
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SIR.....
COUNSELOR!!
YOU NEED HELP!
Nothing wrong with that if you act on it!
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It takes a "special" person to cheat.
Once a cheater always a cheater!
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alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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Ok, ok, ok.
I see a counselor, a very good one!
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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Aparently, not good enough
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alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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She is the best (my counselor)!!!
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philivey
member
Reged: 11/10/09
Posts: 126
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you are not a victim. deal with it.
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alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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I am a victim! I am a victim of abuse by a narcissist.
I am having a major difficulty with a couple of things though:
1. Initially my desire for helping this woman came from the fact that she was a domestic violence victim. Her first husband confessed in court to the charges. I gave her and her 3 sons a home for 3 years. This woman was fairly messed up physically and I was constantly taking her to see doctors, surgeons, hospitals and emergency rooms and I even paid for a couple of cosmetic surgeries that she wanted. So I invested a lot in lifting her from the ditch she had been in. Then during the last half a year I needed a couple of surgeries and I got very sick after the second. So instead of supporting me and helping me thought my difficult times she was planning on getting away by accusing me of abuse and violence, moving to a shelter and starting a new life away from me.
2. Her legal status in this country expired when she moved in with me and I provided her and her sons with a shelter and protection. I helped her getting a drivers license, I helped her sons with school registration and in the end I agreed to marry her so that she and her sons would become legal in the US. In the end she turned all that against me and used (abused) a system that was put in place to help battered women to falsely accuse me and gain benefits such as free housing, certification, employment, medical services, education grants and of course, an express way to become a US citizen.
So what happened is, first she abused me for 3 years, then falsely accused me of abuse and violence (her accusation were dismissed in court but she still gets everything anyway) and now she is abusing systems that where put in place for real battered women.
Now I know that to invest in a narcissist is a purposeless, futile and meaningless activity. I should have known that before I met her.
From some reason this is really hard for me to live with... She ruined my life…
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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A victim of your own delusions. None of this is real. You're dreaming all of it. When I clap my hands you will awaken. Ahh nevermind. Best remain asleep.
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Char Fox
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alrietto
journeyman
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 92
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Now I know that she is a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath and very dangerous. Everything coming out of her mouth is extremely toxic. I have been told that she feels no remorse or empaty, but I was also told that deep inside she knows she did me wrong and that she has presecutory dellusions, that she will be worried about retaliation. I believe it because I remember how scared she was from her first husband, the one she got arrested. I think deep inside she believed he has the right to retaliate because of what she did to him.
I can't out-think her? Who knows.... I filed for divorce just as soon as she revealed her true self. As soon as her accusations got dismissed, the judge granted me the divorce and she wasn't even present. 4 months later she tried to get into my house to get her stuff. She called the police to help her and the policed called me on my cell (Ironically I was not home, I was visiting her sister and brother-in-law). I told the police not to let her into my house and the police asked her to leave. Then I went back to court and the judge gave me a court order that she lost her rights for her belongings that she had left in my house. I needed that so that she would not come back.
But... on December 1st, exactly one year after I filed for divorce, she/her sons broke into my house as a retaliation and robbed me of a few things. Naturally I called the police but despite of that I told the police who it was, chances are the police will do nothing.
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