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daphne
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Reged: 09/17/04
Posts: 1
New Love
      #2472 - 09/17/04 05:35 PM

I was the one who initiated the seperation from my ex-husband after finding out about his infidelity and was te first to be involved in a new relationship. My ex only went forward with the divorce once he was involved in a new relationship himself. I was very open about my relationship but he decided to keep it from me and I had to find out through a friend. When I asked him about the relationship, he lied to me and denied the relationship. Now I am questioning my current relationship and am very jealous of the other woman. I feel completely selfish and at times feel as though leaving him was the wrong choice. We used to be quite friendly but now that he has his new girlfriend, he talks to me as if he feels sorry for me. I think we just rushed into things too quickly instead of working them out.

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Grace
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Reged: 08/19/04
Posts: 404
Loc: KY
Re: New Love [Re: daphne]
      #2477 - 09/17/04 08:54 PM

I went through the exact same thing! I was soooo jealous of my ex's first g/f after our separation. In fact, it led us to a reconciliation for about 9 months. It was the WORST 9 months of my life. We were miserable! Our very shaky reconciliation has led to problem after problem in the years that have followed.
I thought that my jealousy had to be a sign that I had made a mistake and really wanted to be with him . . . BOY was I wrong. I was just feeling insecure and that, obviously, is nothing to base a relationship on.
I can't tell you what you feel or what is best for you. All I can do is tell you my experience. In it, getting back with him was my mistake, not divorcing him. It has made eveything else that much more difficult.
My advice. . . think very carefully and don't make any decisions in the 'heat' of jealousy. Go and see a couselor. That did me a world of good. The back and forth thing can really take it out of you.
Good luck and. . .KNOW WHY you separated & KNOW WHY you might want him back. . .these can be deceiving.

--------------------
Dyslexic agnostics don't believe in Dog.


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mamaluv
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Reged: 12/06/04
Posts: 44
Loc: Seattle WA
Re: New Love [Re: daphne]
      #5452 - 12/09/04 06:18 PM

Graces response is perfect. It is not uncommon to go through what you did and have the feelings you are having. I don't know how many times since I first started dating this has happened.

What I have found is that if you break up in the first place ... well there is usually a good reason. I also agree that the back and forth makes things worse and worse. Counseling is a great idea. Also, take some time to be by yourself. Figure out who you are without a partner. It's a great way to get yourself ready for Mr. or Ms. right. Let you baggage wear away with time.

Good luck


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l8fr8
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Reged: 12/14/04
Posts: 5
Loc: texas
Re: New Love [Re: daphne]
      #5880 - 12/15/04 08:16 PM

I have been married for 6 years and although it was wonderful for 4 and bad for the last 2 I had to get out. My wife is very much a control freak and has manipulated me away from all friends and anything I had dreamed of as life. Anyway I found myself with a girl that I love and she loves me. She's the opposite from my wife and we have very many things we have in common. We both agree on how we feel. Yet last week I let her go because I was feeling like maybe I was making a mistake. When she left it hurt so bad but I was certain I had to get back to my wife. WRONG!! The first night we got to arguing because she didn't like Wendy's and that was all that was open and then she was going to let me out at 11pm in a parking lot and let me walk 20 miles back home. I found out she had changed the title on the car so she argued about that too. Anyway, that was one of many reasons( arguing about everything, and control issues) that we split in the first place. Now I know who I need and want to be with. It may take time to work through it but remember it will be worth it. BTW I am back with my gf now, almost. She is in Florida.

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movingforward
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Reged: 12/21/04
Posts: 2
Re: New Love [Re: l8fr8]
      #6220 - 12/21/04 04:57 PM

My divorce recently became finalized, one week after I've begun dating someone new. I happen to be dating a man who is also going through a divorce, although, he has a child.
The thing is, we really agree on so many issues, and see life through a very similar lense. However, I'm not ready for a relationship and his divorce is not yet final, and he has also said that at this moment in his life, he doesn't want a relationship or another marriage, but a partnership to have more children.

I want children, but I want to be married again eventually, not just single with children.

At the same time, we enjoy everything about eachother. yet, his divorce is not final.

my gut says to wait until his divorce is final, and to wait before jumping into a real/exclusive relationship with him.

any feedback? [color:purple] [/color]


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