ZARDOZ
recently joined
Reged: 12/02/09
Posts: 8
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So my wife of 13 years, leaves me, the kids, gives up the house and everything in it. She moves out (year ago this November) with only her belongings. Says that she no longer loves me & that I'm now too old for her (I'm a younger looking 54, she's 41).
Once moved out she gets her nose pierced, gets a "Tramp Stamp" tattoo and starts an affair (without protection) with a 37 year old heavy metal fan she met at the library where she works. He has no job, no car and sleeps on a 'friends' spare sofa. He uses the library's free computers and writes her heavy metal poetry/lyrics. She casually refers to him as her sole mate. She dumped him six months later.
By this time she's rented a room in a house that has two housemates that turn out to be druggies (she's not). She's now met a new guy (patron) at her work. He looks like a low budget Santana. Six months later she moves in to an apt with a co-worker's 18 year old daughter and starts sleeping (again without protection) with this new heavy metal fan. This one plays heavy metal/rock guitar, is 31 and drives a '90's Honda he calls the "Cougar Mobile" on his Facebook. He drives a forklift in a warehouse.
The divorce papers were finally filed two weeks ago (1 year from the month she left). She signed the papers last December but asked to wait, until now. She gave me everything, the house and the kids too. I lost nothing, except what I thought was a best friend and wife.
I know I have to move on. And for the most part I have. I'd never have her back. That's not the issue.
My question is why do I still care what she does? Is it just male ego because she left me and hooked up with these losers. She rejected all she was and basically fell off (not down) the social ladder? She's become white trash.
So what gives? I've had many girl friends, and several long term relationships. Why do I still have this mild obsession about this one? 
Edited by ZARDOZ (12/02/09 11:47 PM)
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AloneInTheDark
member
Reged: 08/04/09
Posts: 179
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Because no matter what she's done, you care about her and just because she's treated you bad, doesn't mean you stop caring. A lot of people who are dumped but didn't do anything to deserve it and some who did do something to deserve it feel the same way.
On the one hand, even though I didn't do anything to deserve the divorce or no longer be a parent to my kids, there is always the desire in the back of my mind for my wife to realize that the grass is not greener and "fail" without me. On the other hand, for 18 years, even for the 2 months after she filed for divorce before she left, I tried to make her happy and take care of her and only want the best for her. Love wins over ego normally. The ego is probably the easiest thing to repair, the heart keeps thinking what it wants to long after the ego and brain say good riddance and being a husband and a dad who actually raises his kids is a hassle, not a lifelong dream realized.
Be thankful you are still a dad. Not a sperm doner for two kids that you are the court ordered welfare soure for but can't raise them, no matter that you were the better parent for the last year of the marriage and it was roughly equal before that.
--------------------
AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.
Edited by AloneInTheDark (12/02/09 07:15 PM)
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"She casually refers to him as her sole mate. "
Don't worry, she'll walk all over him in no time.
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Dogone
recently joined
Reged: 01/15/10
Posts: 15
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She's just gone to make herself feel good.
Many try to re-live a youthful time, fight growing old.
The karma will be the younger guy tiring of her boring ways, or some young 20yr old will grab his visual attention.
I have no answers to why we are the way we are.
But yours sounds like a very typical situation, so don't take it personal. Your probably a great person. She is the one who wanted to change her life, maybe she needs some tatooe's to make herself happy right now?
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