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Reged: 02/16/10
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How soon is too soon to cohabitate
      #633900 - 02/16/10 06:01 PM

DAY 1-Children (ages 2 and 4) are told Mommy is moving out of family home into her own house (their first hint of parents splitting up.) Immediately Mom, Dad, and kids drive to "Mommies new house"; she signs lease & kids drop off a few toys. Kids return to family home with Dad.

DAY 2-Mommy moves all her belongings from family home to new house.

DAYS 3 through 12-Mommy picks up kids for a few hours almost every afternoon, usually visiting new house; involves kids in moving belongings of man with whom she was having an affair and intends to marry (reason for divorce) from his house to Mommies new house; divorce proceedings get underway.

DAY 13-Kids spend first night away from family home at new house with Mommy. Her lover is essentially living there now but Mom has promised Dad that he will sleep elsewhere on the nights the kids are sleeping over for the time being.

QUESTION: I (Dad) am concerned things are happening too fast for the kids' emotional well-being. Assuming an eventual 50/50 split between houses for the kids, how often should kids be sleeping there during this transition period, and how soon can her lover begin openly playing the role of Mom's new partner and sleeping there with the kids? The kids have known the man from Mommies work, but now he will be introduced as her new partner. I'm (Dad) saying this is way too I being selfish/jealous or do I have the kids' best interest at heart? Mommy wants them to spend the next 2 nights over there. Thanks.

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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Re: How soon is too soon to cohabitate [Re: divorceme]
      #634860 - 02/18/10 10:15 PM

I think if 50/50 is the ultimate goal then that schedule should begin immediately. I do however agree that it is WAY too soon for her new SO to be playing house with her and the kids. I would definitely stipulate no overnight guests for either of you with the children present until the divorce is final. I realize you are probably not at that place, but it's less volitale if you include yourself in the stipulation.

Some states will accept a morality clause which would be no over night guests (for the adults) of the opposite sex that are not related to the children unless married. That depends on where you live, but I'd think you could get it in there until the divorce is final in any state.

I would also consider counseling for the children right away. Divorce is hard enough but when someone immediately brings in a new partner it makes it even more confusing for them.

When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9850
Loc: Arkansas
Re: How soon is too soon to cohabitate [Re: divorceme]
      #638548 - 03/04/10 03:05 PM

My friends husband left her to shack up with another woman. My friend allowed frequent visits, but no overnights. The couple had been raising their children in church with a strong moral code and since he was breaching everything they'd ever taught their children, she was not about to allow overnights. I assume he agreed. My friend was holding out for a reconciliation rather than immediately signing the divorce papers; the reconciliation did occur a year later. I would say that until a divorce is final and there is a visitation agreement that you have to follow, I would not allow ANY overnight visits while the man is living there. You have nothing that would make you believe they are being truthful about him sleeping elsewhere - she's already proven herself to be a liar by having the affair to begin with. If she wants her kids to spend the night, her boyfriend can move out. That's what I'd tell her.

Eternity is too long to be wrong.

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Reged: 09/20/10
Posts: 2
divorce advice [Re: Avaya]
      #691630 - 09/20/10 04:22 PM

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