MtHoodRising
recently joined
Reged: 02/12/10
Posts: 17
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I've posted a few times about my impending divorce. We are going through mediation and things are going as smoothly as possible (50/50 custody, etc). My STBX is the one that wanted the divorce after 13.5 years of marriage. Our marriage was by no means perfect, but even after facing issues last summer and several months of my wife openly telling me that she didn't know if was committed to the marriage, I'm still in shock over her haste to get this divorce over as quickly as possible. We are still living in the same house during the divorce and our 11 year old daughter doesn't know what is happening or what is to come. My STBX wants to continue to relate with me as if nothing is happening. I've been going through many emotions and my counselor has advised me to create some big emotional boundaries and physical space between us so that I don't go crazy. My STBX just continues to push those boundaries and even asks me what is wrong when I don't want to see her or speak with her. I feel like replying "well, you are divorcing my @ss and breaking up our family"! It is just goofy. I'm going on a vacation next week and she is insistent on driving me to the airport. I'm like "no thank you". My STBX has stated that we will remain close even though we will be divorced and living in different houses. She also has no clue how this is going to effect our daughter. And then there is the lack of reality she has about how life will be financially after divorce. Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out why she is acting this way. Is it out of guilt? Is she trying to run away from reality? Is she not really prepared for divorce? Is she truly that far along in her healing/moving forward process that this is all somehow easy to her? She did not want to go to marriage counseling since last summer because she says that she has come to terms with her decision to end the marriage. I walk around our house and am bothered by seeing wedding pictures on the wall or family pictures from happier times. I'm accepting things better and better each day, but I'm still blown away at my STBX's decision to leave the marriage and her haste to make this divorce go as quickly as possible. I have felt for sometime now that there is more to her decision to end the marriage and she hasn't been honest with me about it. That really doesn't matter now, but I still have a problem understanding everything that is happening. Maybe that is normal???
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Atlas
journeyman
Reged: 11/03/09
Posts: 80
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My ex is the exact same way. Chalk it up to being in a different place emotionally than you -- after all, she came to terms with separation long before you did, so it's only natural that she'd be more "fine" with how things are now than you are.
At any rate, don't beat yourself up over it. If you feel like putting distance between you and her, do it. She put you in this situation, and you have every right to do what is in your own best interests as far as moving on is concerned.
Just keep in the back of your mind to hide as much of this internal turmoil from your daughter as you can. She's dealing with enough stress of her own. Don't bad-mouth your ex to her or show her that you're in pain. Vent to your friends or your counselor, that's what they're there for. Put on your best face for your daughter and just try to be the best dad possible. Everything else will work itself out in time.
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fridaydog
recently joined
Reged: 03/08/10
Posts: 7
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Wow, I just posted on one of your other posts and I had a flash back. My wife asked for a divorce last week. During the week last week she was texting me about what I would agree to custody wise, etc....the body was barely cold in terms of coming to terms with this and she was literally texting me this two days later. When I said I wasn't ready to decide anything etc she got upset and that got me going so there was some back and forth. Than literally 24 hours after that she texted, "so and so will be on dancing with the stars thought you would want to know". I mean really???It took all my might to be like WTF you're wanting a divorce from me and your sending me that? You're ripping our family apart and my 2 young daughters (3 yo and 6 months) will have to grow up not spending 24/7 with their dad?????? People do strange inexplicable things..
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