MBW
recently joined
Reged: 03/07/10
Posts: 5
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I appreciate your willingness to express your views to try to help others through their rough issues...
much of the information has been quite helpful..
My wife and I discussed divorce again today... and of course, she said she would draw up the divorce papers and expect me to sign them...
she said she would ask for 2500 dollars a month for life! unreal. if I do not sign, she has promised many threats...
what do you think? This post is kind of long, but thanks for reading....
overview.
married 12 years. together for 17 yrs total.
"her" four kids, not adopted. No real property or savings. I have a retirement benefit of 300 a month. I vested this benefit before we married, while we lived together.
She is certain that she can make the court impute earnings on me based on my work history. mainly when i was making about 60,000yr. over 3 years ago. since then it has been 40k,25k avg... this coupled with my veterans disability check of 1400 a month. and she will try to pass herself as disabled.. no check!
she:43yr old.
worked in the beginning, good money. Regional sales person and trainer for photography. injured back, dislocated lumbar. workers comp for a year. then they cut her off. No ssa check
took another job for 8 months but left for personal reasons.
took a job photographing daycare kids a couple years ago. the guy was a flake, didn't pay, she quit.
daycare centers wanted their photos finished. so she took over as her own 'business". used my money to buy all this equipment, props, developing etc.....
I never saw a return on the money and she quit doing it,, but now she has some really nice camera equipment. how nice.
also complained that she just cannot physically keep up. (she can keep up when she wants to go rock hounding or whatever)
she has always had some money making scheme at one time or another... Tupperware, craft fairs,scentsy sales,photography, gemstones etc... however, i have learned that it is not really to make money, but to get the things she wants...
hasn't worked a regular job in 13 years. has been trying to get ssa ever since. Added a bi-polar and lupus diagnosis to application in 2004. denied. just recently appeal denied.
Her present doctor signed for a disabled parking placard to help out on those "bad days". he also submitted an application i think for medicaid or something for free or reduced medical i think for people with disabilities... i'm a little unclear. so she could afford to see him.
I found part of one of the applications and she filled it out as though she were single.... and only making less than 1500 a month.. she also is recieving food stamps, which i just recently found out. which screws me for taxes this year.
so, she has been passing herself for single or separated.
she has expressed interest in going back to school herself.
a couple years ago she was approved for state vocational rehabilitation.
Me:43yr old.
I didn't work much in the beginning years because I was union and not a lot of work. i got paid by the state to babysit her kids. plus unemployment.
I was found 50% service connected disabled by the veterans administration in 1996. I continued to work for the union.
we had moved due to her demands, (long story) which messed up my retirement time for another union trade... I only needed another 250 hours to vest that retirement.
started over in san diego, within a few years making around 60,000 a year. she repeatedly pushed for me to quit that job and find something better....huh? of course, that is just barely making it in san diego. i began having more difficulty doing my job.
moved to oregon a few years ago. Veterans increased my rating to 70%. they are now looking at increasing again to 100%... may or may not happen.
however, they approved me to go to school through vocational rehab for 4 years.
my income is veterans compensation 1400 month.
unemployment: 1900 a month. on extension till april 15. almost gone.
when i get school started, i won't see a stipend check till the end of april... though i don't believe they can count education money as a resource.
I will have to probably try to work a part time job just to keep things a float.....
I understand that there are days that she does not feel good,, but i have had many myself. I got out of bed and busted my butt just to have this woman do whatever she pleased with my income, without concern for my wishes.
i am just worn out. The last thing i need is to pay her for a lifetime.... IN which case i would probably prefer a silver bullet.
If you have made it this far,,, I really, really appreciate it..... have a great day
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Let her threaten you, who cares? State your own outrageous claims.
2500 for life on a 12 year marriage with no kids?? Uh hailll no.
Do you have a lawyer?
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]Let her threaten you, who cares? State your own outrageous claims.
2500 for life on a 12 year marriage with no kids?? Uh hailll no.
Do you have a lawyer? [/quote]
Totally agree. And DON'T sign anything..
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1966Gal
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 10098
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She's blowing smoke and not living in reality. Don't sign anything. Get a lawyer. 12 years of marriage, the MOST she'll get is 5 or 6 years of alimony TOPS and even that's doubtful since you don't make a lot of money and it appears that she's capable of working. Does she have ANY documentation that would support her claim of being disabled?
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The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.
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MBW
recently joined
Reged: 03/07/10
Posts: 5
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she has a documented 10 year history of being in and out of the hospital about 4 times in the past 10 years due to lupus flare ups. each consisted of about 5-10 days in the hospital. pulmonary emboli (blood clots around the heart) swelling of the heart, swelling of the lung liner, swelling of the brain cortex, gall bladder, pancreas. she has a blood clotting disorder (factor iv laden)....
epidural treatments for dislocated lumbar (lower back) and a few other things she whines about... she is obese, takes high blood pressure meds, coumadin and about 8 other meds to control lupus..... and she has bi-polar.
yet, she still is not getting a ssn check.
she can make it sound real bad,, but like i say.. she will get up and do things when she wants to. other than that she just rots in bed or in front of the computer and tells everyone else what to do.
I don't have a lawyer because i cannot afford one... even if I did have control of my money. I don't want to be an ass and put her into the streets either,, the kids would never forgive me and wouldn't let me see the grandkids.
I'll be lucky if i can borrow the money for a filing fee.
the only resource i have been able to find is lewis and clark law school. they will do it sliding fee, but you have to live in multomah county, and I am in clackamas.... don't know anyone around here either. when i move out i will have to go to tacoma washington and stay with my folks.
i am in portland oregon. if anyone has any ideas.. i would appreciate it.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Oregon is extremely hostile to males in divorce court, any money you spend on a lawyer is probably going to earn a 20-50% return.
You better get a lawyer ASAP. Borrow the money if you have to, get this wrapped up...
You could easily find yourself payin' this C<>t the rest of your life. In the meantime, " accidentally " lose your job.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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yngwies_guitar
journeyman
Reged: 01/11/10
Posts: 61
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Definitely get a lawyer dude.
My soon to be ex threatened me $93,000 over 18 years and me taking 100% of the debt with little to no asset to divide and this is for an 11 year marriage and no children. I got myself a lawyer immediately. At pre-trial conference, they were asking for $80,000 for 5 years. The judge recommended $36,000 for 3 years and a 50-50 split of the debt and equalization of legal fees. Big difference. She felt she was "entitled" to 5 years. Yeah well, too bad.
Protect yourself. Getting an experienced divorce attorney makes all the difference in the world. Don't go for some hodge podge we do it all law [censored]. Find one that only does family law/divorce.
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MBW
recently joined
Reged: 03/07/10
Posts: 5
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wow, I wasn't expecting that.... i did see a lawyer, who is divorced himself.
he said that because she does not recieve a disability check, and I do, that would lean in my favor. i havent worked in about 1.5 years... my doctor says i shouldn't work and i am enrolled in vocational rehabilitation to go to college for the next 4 years...
as stated in my original post,, i used to make good money,,, lately just unemployment (1900) till it runs out and va disabiltiy compensation (1400).
are you saying this guy might be baiting me?
I thought oregon was pretty good as far as fairness.. especially if the money is not there to give her.... and if she requests a ridiculous amount....
crossing my fingers... don't have anyone to borrow money from.... and she is good at twisting facts
he said she will be lucky to get 500 a month for about 7 years.
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yngwies_guitar
journeyman
Reged: 01/11/10
Posts: 61
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Yes I'm saying that you could be getting baited. If she has an attorney and her attorney knows you are Pro Se (meaning you represent yourself) then they will take advantage of you.
Now I'm in Illinois, not Oregon, but there is one thing I have learned. People that want to screw you over are in all 50 states.
Borrow the money, I had to for mine. Best decision I ever made.
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