aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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G'day A group of friends were discussing this the other day..so thought I would pose this here.
Now that you have gone through or are going through a divorce...would you get married again?
If you did..what ONE thing would you do differently?
What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want/not want? (oddly enough..one of the qualities I admired so much in my ex prior to marriage is one of the qualities I would NOT want in a future wife)
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19801
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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Now that you have gone through or are going through a divorce...would you get married again?
--> Yes and no. "Yes" because I believe in "marriage", "no" because after 13 years, it just doesn't seem worth the trouble.
If you did..what ONE thing would you do differently?
---> Pick a better day.
What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want/not want?
---> My ex was not a bad man; the reason I divorced him was because he was an alcholic so it would go without saying, that any future husband should not have a drinking problem.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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DadOne
journeyman
Reged: 03/07/05
Posts: 68
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Now that you have gone through or are going through a divorce...would you get married again?
A --> maybe if I found the right woman– However I do enjoy being single.
If you did..what ONE thing would you do differently?
A ---> spend more quality time together
What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want/not want?
A ---> want – beautiful smile - not want - infidelity
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sugarb
enthusiast
Reged: 12/16/04
Posts: 375
Loc: In the Heartland on America
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Thanks for asking!
Although I have officiallly been proposed to twice since my divorce March 1, 2003, the answer is still a resounding:
Answer:
NO!
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AZRN
member
Reged: 03/22/05
Posts: 151
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Q: "would you get married again?"
A: Have thought 'no way!' for last 18 months...now am a little less negative about it, but still not too keen on remarriage.
Q: "what ONE thing would you do differently?"
A: Be even more communicative early on; talk about things that bother me before they become bigger issues--try to work out differences sooner. Let my partner know clearly what is important to me--and find out what he expects as well. See things as they really are, not as I would like them to be.
Q: "What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want (A: None) /not want?"
A: No disrespect, must treat me as well as I treat him. Someone who can express anger without resorting to yelling. Someone who knows that friendship--that is, truly *liking* the other person--is a must.
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lavinia106
member
Reged: 01/11/05
Posts: 111
Loc: Nebraska
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I would get married again, but only if I found "The One". My mistake was marrying a friend. I would never do that again.
I liked that my ex husband was always home, to talk to.
i hated that my ex husband was always home, to talk to.
I guess what it comes down to is that after I was divorced, I came home and like an idiot started sleeping with a freind, that now we have a child and fight all the time.
My thing is I need to stop dating my freinds.
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Like most intellectuals he was intensely stupid...
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daphyne
journeyman
Reged: 01/20/05
Posts: 90
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"Now that you have gone through or are going through a divorce...would you get married again?"
I really don't feel strongly about this one way or the other.
"If you did..what ONE thing would you do differently?"
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate instead of sticking my head in the sand like it would just all work out on it's own!
"What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want/not want?"
Selfishness
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Diane67
enthusiast
Reged: 08/14/04
Posts: 341
Loc: California
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Would I get married again? Probably not. Prefer the idea of a companion that I can kick to the curb when I get tired of him. I know - sounds cold.
If I got married again I would not allow the drinking and carousing to start.
The one quality he had that I would want in the next relationship - a great sense of humor. What would I not want? His stubborness.
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sugarb
enthusiast
Reged: 12/16/04
Posts: 375
Loc: In the Heartland on America
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I really believe the concept of "The One" is a myth. There is no perfect relationship or perfect man/woman. A marriage is what you make of it.
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fedup
member
Reged: 03/14/05
Posts: 117
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Now that you have gone through or are going through a divorce...would you get married again?
Yes. I was 19 yrs old when I married and married for 17 yrs. I am more knowledgable and a LOT better looking (heheh) so why should I miss out on "Mr. Right" just because 18 yrs ago I chose "Mr. Teen-Wrong"
If you did..what ONE thing would you do differently?
I would make sure the next person is happy with himself so that he could focus on making our live together happy.
What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want/not want?
OH MY GOD this is easy....... The next man has to be mature. My first husband was 17 yrs old when we married and I swear his brain must have idled because his maturity level was no more than 17 yrs old. He would literally run home from work so that he could watch "Dragonball Z". If he worked late he would call and asked if I would record it for him. GEEZ LOUIS~
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lavinia106
member
Reged: 01/11/05
Posts: 111
Loc: Nebraska
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That is why I will probably never get married again. My list of "must have's" to qualify as the one is too big for one person to be. I gave up on my marriage when I passed out one too many times from the ex choking me. I couldn't stop him, and was scared. I stuck it out with him for five years, thinking that I should stay in the marriage, that I needed to look past his abuse to the good things he did. I just couldn't do it. I think that it colored my vision of what a real relationship is, and for that reason it will be hard for me to get into another marriage sittuation again.
I do agree that there is no real "the one" out there, but there is probably a "might be". the issue is will I be ready or willing to see it when it does appear?
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Like most intellectuals he was intensely stupid...
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19801
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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"THE ONE" is out there, but there is a catch...it's not enough that they are THE ONE for YOU...YOU have to be THE ONE for THEM too.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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Couldnt agree more Gecko.. and harder to find..
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sugarb
enthusiast
Reged: 12/16/04
Posts: 375
Loc: In the Heartland on America
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Wow.....have I just become a complete cynic?
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Seyfert
recently joined
Reged: 04/20/05
Posts: 11
Loc: Virginia
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>would you get married again?
I've only begun the divorce, but yes, I would get married again
If you did..what ONE thing would you do differently?
>I would choose a man with empathy.
>What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want
intelligence
>not want?
selfishness
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you've just bombed."-USAirForcemanual
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prginocx
journeyman
Reged: 01/12/05
Posts: 86
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Things NOT to do with a future wife:
1. Do NOT allow her to stay home and not work under any circumstances. Super high liability for alimony and CS.
2. She must pay 1/2 of ALL bills and MUST work full time. None of the typical female "home based business", Part time jobs, etc...
3. Pre-Nuptial Agreement. Period. Nuff said.
4. The very instant she starts playing games where sex is out due to some unknown bad behavior on my part, change the locks and ship her crap OUT.
5. Impress the above rules on every young man you meet.
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legalidiot
enthusiast
Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 250
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--would you get married again?
Yes, I enjoyed being married.
--If you did..what ONE thing would you do differently?
Investigate her baggage, and no kids. If she has alot of problems, they're likely to become your fault. If the marriage doesn't work out after 5 years, don't want to be stuck supporting her.
--What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want/not want?
lack of self confidence, don't want it.
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Keep the relationship problems away from the kids
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FlCowgirl2001
newbie
Reged: 05/24/05
Posts: 39
Loc: Florida
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I would get married again only next time I would make sure that we can both talk to each other about anything/everything and that he is responsible/dependable.
What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want/not want?
I would NOT want him to have my stbx's immaturity, irresponsibility and independability.
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littleones2
recently joined
Reged: 05/25/05
Posts: 8
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as for now now i can say NO never again i would rather live alone and lonley (in a womans sense) with my children then have to put up with the crap i have been through
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FlCowgirl2001
newbie
Reged: 05/24/05
Posts: 39
Loc: Florida
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I understand where you are coming from 'cause I once felt that way but part of me still feels that way because of what I went through.
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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...would you get married again?
I can't say I don't like being married, but I don't think I'm brave enough to try it again. The first time around cost me too much of my soul.
...what ONE thing would you do differently?
Quit trying to take on everything myself in order to make life easier for him. I'd share the load with him, so I wouldn't self destruct under the weight of it.
...What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want/not want? I'd want a man who smiled like he did - his whole face smiled not just his mouth. I would NOT want a man who could lie like he did.
And luckily for me I have found that man... the man that I should've been married to all along. But I am still afraid to go there...maybe next year....
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Chris1
journeyman
Reged: 06/04/05
Posts: 75
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I would like to get married again to the right person.
If my choice is no marriage or a bad marriage (been there,
done that), I choose no marriage.
What I would do differently is not put up with any BS and
not stick my head in the sand hoping it would go away.
I don't like confrontation and while I fought for myself
at first, I finally gave up. I have found in any relation-
ship since that I am willing to leave when I see it's not
right. It took me 17 years to do that with my marriage.
What one quality that my ex had that I'd like in a partner...an affinity for nature and being outdoors.
It's hard to prioritize which qualities he had that I
wouldn't want, there's too many. Let's just say I won't
tolerate an alcoholic, a womanizer, or a man that
can't treat ANY person with respect.
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Moi
old hand
Reged: 05/28/05
Posts: 784
Loc: DFW, TX
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Now that you have gone through or are going through a divorce...would you get married again?
>>>>> At the time I swore I never would but 6 years later, I did; which was 3 years ago, and I've never regretted it.
If you did..what ONE thing would you do differently?
>>>>>> Well the main things I DID do differently would be being a lot more picky; putting zero stock into physical appearence and waiting until AFTER I loved him to sleep with him so as not to confuse the two ;-)
What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want/not want?
>>>>> Complete and utter total selfishness.
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Every storm cloud has a silver lining. Will you capitalize on it or b*tch about the storm?
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SillyDaddy
journeyman
Reged: 03/30/05
Posts: 88
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>>>>>>>>>>would you get married again?
Right now I honestly don't know. I would like to say yes because my parents are still married for the first time and I see how happy they are together. I just always assumed my marriage would be that way and obviously it wasn't. I really don't ever want to have to ever experience the pain of finding out about an affair, but I guess that's a risk we all have to take.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>If you did..what ONE thing would you do differently?
I honestly don't know right now. I thought I was doing everything pretty well the first time around.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>What one quality that your EX/STBX had would you want?
This is sad to say and it probably says as much about me and the decision I made to marry her, but honestly, I cannot think of one right now.
>>>>>>>>>Not want?
Honestly I can't narrow it to one right now.
Selfish behavior 24/7/365/displays disrespectfulness/I am never wrong attitude/Makes excuses and justifications for everything/Lacks understanding of ethics & moral behavior/trys to control others/refuses to leave the house unless she will benefit/has a strong attraction towards other females or desires to be with/complains all the time/suffers high anxity and panic attacks on a regular basis/thinks every time head hurts in a strange or different place, the ER is the way to go/thinks noon is the normal time everyone should get up/doesn't like to work, cook, clean, exert herself in any way that might break a sweat/spends real money to turn skin orange/is overly self consious about looks-skin tone-freckels-weight-hair-height-what "others" (her Mom) thinks about her/thinks spending money and over extending credit is OK if it makes you feel better/puts too much stress on the need to have money and other tings-material possessions/.......................................................................Is this too much? What was I thinking?????????????????????????????????????????????????
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Cleo
newbie
Reged: 08/24/05
Posts: 42
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Would I get married again? I don't think so - I don't see myself overcoming the trust issues that my marriage created.
If I were to marry again, I would make sure it was a truly equal partnership - in household chores, in finances, in decision-making, etc., with open communication all around.
My ex exposed me to a lot of new experiences (travel, food, knowledge), and I do miss that in my single life; though I do try new things, I'd like to be in a relationship where I have input and insight from my partner into things I may not have considered.
What quality would I not want? His complete self-absorption to the point that no one else's needs mattered as much as his - which led also to impulse control issues, tremendous irresponsibility (especially financial), and a lack of moral character. Never, ever again.
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melissar
recently joined
Reged: 08/23/05
Posts: 4
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If I do find "Mr Right" (if that really does exist), I would definitely get remarried...my first marriage was a total sham...heck, isn't that why I'm here?
Let's see....I would want to be totally in love with that person, and him with me.
The qualities I wouldn't want to have that my ex did is total selfishness.... :p
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Live, Laugh, Love, Learn
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shon
recently joined
Reged: 09/04/05
Posts: 1
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I usually say never say never, but I don't think a third time is a charm for me. The tearing of the flesh is just too painful for me.
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Trying2MoveOn
recently joined
Reged: 04/18/10
Posts: 9
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I would absolutely get married again. I enjoyed being married and having a husband, I enjoyed the respect that came from that. I felt so honored that someone had chosen me to be his partner for life, and my marriage meant so much to me. I loved my rings and never took them off, they (besides my children) were my most cherished possession, and a year later I still catch myself looking down and for an instant wondering where my rings are. I feel naked without them.
That said, I do not miss the constant let downs of him promising me something and then just not doing it, only to promise it again. I would like to be married to someone who keeps to his word. I want to be married to someone who sees me as their best friend and companion, not a possession.
I now live with a man who I would love to be married to, but he isnt interested, and if I had it to do all over again, I wouldnt have cohabitated without marriage first. I had believed after my seperation that I would have to live with a man first so I could really get to know him (I married before living with my x, and found out that he was not the man I thought he was way too late.) But now, I would choose marriage first, because it is very important to me and I want to set that example for my children. At this point there is nothing can do, but I hope my SO one day changes his mind about marriage being a 'piece of paper that just ruins lives'. Anyhow, off topic, but that is how I feel, LOL.
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