valour70
recently joined
Reged: 05/30/10
Posts: 3
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I'm 39 year-old and just found out that my husband of 9 years has been having his second affair in the last 4 years. I am thinking with all my heart to divorce him but I have a couple of considerations.
He is a physician and God knows how much I invested in the last 10 years of both our money and sweat for him to achieve his goals. His practise is just starting to pick up and money are right now flowing in at a good pace.
We have two children less than 4 year-old one of them with autism.
I am afraid of financial difficulties because I am scared that my autistic child wont be able to get the treatment he needs (that at this age can make the diffenrence in his future life).
my question is: is it worth to reach 10 years of marriage for alimony purposes in California?
I have been at home in the last 4 years but I'd love to work only part-time to stay more at home for my sons.
The marriage is unbearable but for my son I can wait one more year before acting on it.
Any idea? :confused:
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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For social security purposes, I would wait. You should contact a lawyer and get your ducks in a row just in case.
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]For social security purposes, I would wait. You should contact a lawyer and get your ducks in a row just in case. [/quote]
You're mixed up. #1. She is asking about alimony #2 If down the line she want to be able to collect from her husbands SSA, her eligibility starts the almost right away. It ENDS if the couple have been divorced 10 years or she remarries
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]
You're mixed up. #1. She is asking about alimony #2 If down the line she want to be able to collect from her husbands SSA, her eligibility starts the almost right away. It ENDS if the couple have been divorced 10 years or she remarries [/quote]
Uh, that's not exactly true regarding SSA. My aunt was married to her first husband for over 10 years. Married to her second husband for 10 years. She is collecting SSA benefits based on her first husband's SSA. What she can't do is claim SSA on both. She had to pick one or the other. And had she and her second husband still been married, she wouldn't have been able to collect on her first husband's SSA.
BTW, she is currently receiving these benefits.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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The way I understood it, she can claim his work record if they have been married ten years or more. If she remarries and remains remarried she cannot collect on her ex husbands work record.
She is only 39, so the odds of her never remarrying or the odds of social security still being around when she retires are slim. I don't think it is that big of an issue.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
Edited by Miranda (06/01/10 08:02 AM)
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valour70
recently joined
Reged: 05/30/10
Posts: 3
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They're not super clear answers, but thanks anyway. I now have more things to ask the lawyer on Thursday... I'm going to "get my ducks in a row just in case" as Karen1 said! Thanks!!!
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1966Gal
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 10098
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Stay in the marriage for as long as you can. Yes, one year is worth it! You want that 10 year mark and you want his practice to grow so you can base you settlement on as high of income as possible.
Let him plan and plot his affairs behind your back while you are planning and plotting you exit behind his.
That means getting good records of where all of the money/assets are. Tracking his expenditures to make sure he isn't hiding any money/assets...keeping any eye out for that in case he is planning his exit too.
go see a lawyer.
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The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.
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1966Gal
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 10098
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Does your H know he's caught in this 2nd affair yet?
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The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Quote " God knows how much I invested in the last 10 years of both our money and sweat for him to achieve his goals..."
God may know, and you may know, but how about you tell us about it ? Sounds to me like you used your crack to hook yourself a doctor and then your bread is buttered for life ? How can you have any respect for yourself ? Don't you have ANY obligation to support your self ? EVER ?
Why did you choose this as your career path ? Were all the majors available in college too tough for you ? Women can have careers and earn money nowadays...You are acting like this is still the 18th century.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Can you honestly say you wanted this marriage to work ? Haven't you been planning most of your life to only work part time ?
What has scared you away from a real job and career ? You are a shining example of why women receive so little respect in the workplace, because you are the majority.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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