kylen
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my guy and i have been dating for approx 2.5 years he has been divorced right at 3 yrs...he has a minor dautgher who refers to me as Nanny and as far as she is concerned we are just friends..we have a great relationship the three of us and i also know his ex, the childs mother...i sleep over but NEVER with him when his daughter is there. when she is there i sleep in the daughters room and manny time she sleeps with me.. i would not disrespect a child in that way i have 2 of my own.. recently my guy asked his daughter how would she liked it if i became his girlfriend she was sooooooo excited and stated that she didn't mind if we got married...so finally after 3 years we are officially out of the closet where his daughter is concerned..what a relief that has been... the problem now is the ex told me and him she will put a stop to me sleeping over when the daughter is there fully know that i have been sleeping ther and also not sleeping with him its a moral issue with me and him... can she actually stop this even though it has been going on for some time and she knew about it, had no problem with, she can also verify via the daughter that is do not sleep with him when she is there..can she legally stop me from sleeping over and the two of them sleeping at my home??????
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JennyLynn
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Is there a cohabitation clause in their CO that states your bf can have no overnight guests when the child is with him?
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kylen
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no they dont even have visitation set up the daughter goes between parent as she wants and she is with us most every weekend her being with us is not a problem i welcome it
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JennyLynn
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There is nothing BM can do about it if there is no court order or without a cohabitation clause in the court order.
Just curious, how old is his daughter? Do your children live with you? Do you plan on moving in together?
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kylen
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she is 9 and the 2 children i am speaking of are my x step grand children who i am very close with and have every other weekend and consider my own... if she cant stop it now she can bring him to court to get this added ??? correct
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kylen
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and no we don't plan on moving in together any time soon...
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JennyLynn
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She could take him to court to get a court order and visitation schedule, but it would be up to a judge to decide whether or not a cohabitation clause was entered in.
Were they ever married? Do they not have any court order or visitation schedule filed with the courts? How often does he have his daughter?
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Avaya
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Unfortunately no, she probably can't. I wish she could though. I'm not sure you sleeping in the child's bedroom with her is any better than sleeping over with your boyfriend. I know as a mother, I'd be MORTIFIED to discover that. You're an adult for crying out loud. If his daughter is there, why do you have to sleep over; how about you go HOME to your own children?
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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kylen
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they are divorced and there is no order of visitation in place.. the divorce was easy and where the daughter is concerned she stays with her mom or goes with her dad as she wants to where everything is concerned even our relationship it is all about the daughter and protecting her memtally and emotionally.. divorce is hard enough on kids without added stress she is with us mos weekends and many time during the week
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JennyLynn
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Well lucky for THEM they have their own lives and can make their own choices based on THEIR standards, not yours.
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JennyLynn
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My concern about a visitation schedule is if BM gets angry about you staying with him, that could backfire and she could withhold visitation and there's nothing dad could do about it.
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kylen
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when i do sleep over it is only because she the daughter beggs me to ... her and i are very close she clearlly stat Nanny dont go stay or she want to come to my home we live about 45 min away from each other.. please understan i am not pushing myself on him and more importantly her...
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kylen
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im not sure i understand your reply
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Sherron
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"when i do sleep over it is only because she the daughter beggs me to "
Recipe for disaster right there... you're the adult, she's the child... what's gonna happen when she begs you to buy her beer, have her boyfriends spend the night, etc. Regardless of the moralities of your scenario, the decision should not be based on "oh, but she was begging me to".
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Avaya
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Oh come on. This is a child. She is either 1) yanking your chain and you're falling for it hook, line, and sinker or 2) you're investing a LOT trying to situate yourself in her life in a huge way - which is bad news. It's great for y'all get get along, but you're an adult. It's ODD for an(I'm assuming a pretty mature) adult woman to fall victim to a little girl's whims for a sleepover. As I said, if I were her mother, I'd put my foot down big time.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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JennyLynn
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They don't have a visitation order, which means legally they have no visitation lined out.
Basically what I mean is that if BM gets angry about you staying w/ her daughter's father, she doesn't have to allow his daughter to go there for visitation and there's nothing your boyfriend could do about it, b/c there's no visitation order filed with the courts. That's what I mean  . Hope that's more clear.
I don't know if that's something you would be concerned about or not though?
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JennyLynn
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And I highly doubt she only stays w/ her bf b/c his daughter "begs her to."
Likely she's just making the point that his daughter and her get along and she enjoys her staying there.
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kylen
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your are making this and ugly thing we the dad and myself do not show and type of affetion EVER in front of the daughter...it is always clean...so should he just roll oaver and die... we have been together ove 2.5 yrs and have alway put his daughter first...and that will continue
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kylen
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i would never want that to happen...it would not be good for the daughte or the dad..
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kylen
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thank you and you are correct we the three of us enjoy each other company and we have great times together and this agan has been goin on for 2.5 years with the mother, whom i kno,w fully aware of everything even my sleeping over..they even live n the same subdivision..now the the daught knows we are b/f and g/f suddenlly she has and issue with me sleeping over.. and more importantly just because the daughter knows about our "true" relationship we will still not sleep together when she is there.. that will not change
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Sherron
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"And I highly doubt she only stays w/ her bf b/c his daughter "begs her to.""
I'm not sure where you get that from:
"when i do sleep over it is only because she the daughter beggs me to "
I thinks that's pretty clear... if that's not how she meant it, if she exagerated the situation, that's on her, not on me.
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Sherron
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"your are making this and ugly thing we the dad and myself do not show and type of affetion EVER in front of the daughter...it is always clean...so should he just roll oaver and die... we have been together ove 2.5 yrs and have alway put his daughter first...and that will continue "
Slow down... where did I say any of that?
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kylen
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i didnt say what??????????
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Sherron
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Huh?
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kylen
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to clarify ... the first time i over it was because the daughter ask me to.. we the three of us had been boating all day and whenr we were done she said Nanny please stay tonight so tomorrow i wount have to wait for you to get here it will just be easer.. ... we made her walk away and he an i had a dicsussion about it... he called her mother and she was fine with it.. and that is how that started... and now since time has passed it is expected for me to saty overr for them to stay over...
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BeachBabeRN
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If the child's mother knew you were sleeping in her room and with her at times, she's an idiot for not putting a stop to that.
I know I would have put a stop to it. That is NOT your child! You don't have the right to sleep in her room or with her! Regardless of what the mother did in the past, whoever said she could just keep the child? Is correct, there's no existing court order.
Can she put a stop to you sleeping over when the child is there? Yep, absolutely.
Can the two of you not act like adults and wait until all the children are out?
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1004SRS
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She can stop you from sleeping with her unrelated child.
If the situation was reversed would you want your children sleeping with an unrelated male?
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JennyLynn
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Did she say she sleeps "with" her boyfriends child or just at her boyfriends place? Maybe I missed that?
If the child is sleeping in the bed I would have more issue than if she were simply staying the night at their place.
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1004SRS
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"when she is there i sleep in the daughters room and manny time she sleeps with me.."
It is in the original post. Hard to read, but it is there.
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JennyLynn
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Well I do disagree with that one.
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Debi
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"My concern about a visitation schedule is if BM gets angry about you staying with him, that could backfire and she could withhold visitation and there's nothing dad could do about it. "
Yep, that is totally what's going to happen and when he goes to court for a set parenting time schedule she's going to have acohabitation clause thrown in there, or try her hardest. In the mean time the child is the one who will lose out in the tug of war between her parents.
I can't even address the "I stay over because she asks me too" statement because it's totally out there.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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NikkiL
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How can the mother claim she has an issue with it, when its been going on for 2.5 years? If she had a problem with it, she should have put an end to it, when it started. Who waits years to complain about their child sleeping in the same house/room with someone? Obviously the only thing that changed is that the couple is officially calling themselves a couple. BM is being ridiculous. If she has some moral problem with it, she should have said something YEARS ago.
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Avaya
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I guess you never change your stance on anything; however some people do. What I thought was 'okay' 10 years ago isn't the same as what I think is okay today. I've changed my opinion on marriage, politics, religion, etc many times in my lifetime.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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NikkiL
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Oh I didnt know we were talking about me & you? I thought we were talking about the OP's situation which is for the last 2.5 years the mother has known that OP stays the night, and only now after they have said they are a couple is she having a problem. Nothing else has changed. OP specifically said she and her SO are still not sleeping together with the child in the house. They just announced they were a couple. Which the child is happy about. So whats the problem? A happy couple, who dont sleep together when the child is in the house? yeah..thats horrible. The mother should get right on that and start a court battle over it.
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Redlegg
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I think a mother, or a father, regardless of custodial status, should have a say on whether on whether or not an unrelated adult should sleep with their young child. It is not some kind of right that fades away with time. From the sounds of it, maybe mom did not know, since they were "in the closet" now that they are out of the closet and now officially a couple, maybe mom feels differently about it. it could be a lot of different things, but the right to make tghese kinds of decisions should not be allowed to just fade away.....
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BeckaLeigh
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Quite honestly, I would be more upset about you sleeping with the child than sleeping with dad in the same house. It just smacks me wrong.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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NikkiL
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When you get divorced, there are many things that you no longer have control over, that you feel you should. Doesnt mean you do. How many times has it been said on these boards, that you cant control the others parenting time? Im sure we could sit here and write things into the post that arent there but what does the post actually say? Nothing bad. Kids happy, OP and her SO are happy, no one has been accused of doing anything inappropriate with the child, No one is having <gasp> premaritial sex with the child in the home. The only one who, according to this post, is doing anything WRONG its the BM by making threats to interfere with the fathers parenting time. Should the OP stop sleeping in the same room with the child? Yes she should its hardly worth fighting for. She should also instruct her SO to get a visitation schedule drawn up with the court BEFORE the BM denies him access to his daughter.
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Sherron
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"Yes she should its hardly worth fighting for. "
You're certainly entitled to your opinion, but I don't think everyone's line in the sand is in the same place. What is hardly worth it for you is another person's hill to die on.
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JennyLynn
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Good post. ITA.
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Redlegg
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no one has been accused of doing anything inappropriate with the child
You are right, they admitted it. Apparently you missed the part about people sleeping with unrelated being inappropriate. If you decide to let yor kids sleep with other adults that is your business. I may not agree, but I certainly support your right to make the choice. maybe we we should not dismiss what others think of this practice, maybe we should be more tolerant of what others think instead of just dismissing them as (gasp) control freaks.
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finz
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Quote:
I guess you never change your stance on anything; however some people do. What I thought was 'okay' 10 years ago isn't the same as what I think is okay today. I've changed my opinion on marriage, politics, religion, etc many times in my lifetime.
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Right, so it would be wrong to tell someone they are wrong just for disagreeing with your current moral/political/etc stance on an issue.
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finz
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Quote:
I think a mother, or a father, regardless of custodial status, should have a say on whether on whether or not an unrelated adult should sleep with their young child. It is not some kind of right that fades away with time. From the sounds of it, maybe mom did not know, since they were "in the closet" now that they are out of the closet and now officially a couple, maybe mom feels differently about it. it could be a lot of different things, but the right to make tghese kinds of decisions should not be allowed to just fade away.....
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Not disputing anyone's right to want the 'no overnight guests' rule (in fact, I'm all for that rule), but if she knew about it for years, I do have a problem with BM wanting to change the rules in the middle of the game. BM know see's the situation differently............all the other players are following the original rule book.
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connie60
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I think sleeping with the dad would be more appropriate, than sleeping with the child also. If it where me, i would not want some woman sleeping in bed with my child.
Im sure that is what the x is concerned about. Why isnt girlfriend sleeping on the coach or sofa???? I dont like the idea of the sleeping arrangements.
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Shirt423
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I'm really surprised at how many people are trying to make what has been going on into some sick thing that is so out of line. She keeps stating how important the daughters feelings are to her and her bf and that they would never do anything that made the daughter uncomfortable. Also, until recently the mother had no issue with anything that was going on and I am sure the daughter relays details from her weekends to her own mother. She obviously cares enough about the daughter and this situation to be online looking for advice. I would be happy if I had a child and my X and his girlfriend both genuinely cared for my daughters well being and for her feelings. There are a lot of parents and their significant others out there who do not care at all.
There seems to be good communication between the mother and father, and if the mother really thought she was just a friend sleeping over all of those nights she must be very naive. She should have known from day one that she was a girl friend. Either way, its really up to the father to talk to the mother and they will come to some sort of understanding, whatever it may be.
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BeckaLeigh
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I don't remember anyone saying it was sick, just totally improper. I wouldn't want my XH's GF sleeping with our children and everyone in our sitch knows that. There's no need for it.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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