Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online


Divorce Source Community Forums >> Spousal Support/Alimony

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | >> (show all)
mrslady
recently joined


Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
Spousal Support Sucks
      #673731 - 07/07/10 09:08 AM

My husband and I have the exact same professional degree. He quit his good job 3 years back to start his own business which has gone nowhere while I supported us. No kids, married 15 years. Now he has a part time job and works on his business and wants me to pay him support. There is currently a quite large difference in income though he is qualified to get the exact same type of job I have and in fact did have just such a job 3 years ago. Why, why, why does anyone owe anyone else a living? Why do people feel entitled to mooch off someone else for years and years? Just because they were there before? But they are not there now and that seems important to me! It makes zero sense to me. I guess human beings are often pretty greedy. Some cases I can understand that support is warranted but mostly it seems to be lazy and greedy and unkind. No one is owed a living for free, just get off your buns and take care of yourself. I offered to pay him 6 months so he can make his own choices about what to do with his life. He has already stated that he intends to keep the part time job he has, though. Plus there has been mental abuse (not physical) all these years to where I lost my sense of myself, he is questioning and advising my every move, controlling the money and life in general, and I lived in fear of upsetting him. I am still scared though much much more bold than I used to be. I hate my life right now. I am so so sad, this divorce process is scary and lonely. I just want to be myself again but the world is so black right now :-(

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: mrslady]
      #673797 - 07/07/10 12:42 PM

Women have been doing this for years, receiving alimony. It is only fair that women "bread winners" are held to the same standards that men have been held to. It stinks for everyone that has to pay.

--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
*

Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30988
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: Miranda]
      #673801 - 07/07/10 12:48 PM

Interestingly enough, men have said for YEARS that if you want to see an end to alimony, start making WOMEN pay it...and LOOK what is happening, LOL (I know you are against alimony, NOT criticizing you).

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
mrslady
recently joined


Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: gr8Dad]
      #673844 - 07/07/10 01:48 PM

I don't understand why my gender is coming up here? It does not seem to matter to me.

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
*

Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30988
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: mrslady]
      #673860 - 07/07/10 02:17 PM

Try looking at it from a GUYS perspective, we have been paying alimony for a HELL of a lot longer.

Edited to add: And when we complained about it, we were told it was only FAIR, and we should suck it up and deal with it.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

Edited by gr8Dad (07/07/10 02:18 PM)


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
mrslady
recently joined


Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: gr8Dad]
      #673863 - 07/07/10 02:24 PM

I don't understand your attitude towards me. Seems you agree with me 100% yet delight in my misfortune. I am a human being not only a woman. I guess this forum is not a place to get support. Adios divorce source I will kust talk to my best friend

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: mrslady]
      #673867 - 07/07/10 02:28 PM

[quote]I don't understand why my gender is coming up here? It does not seem to matter to me. [/quote]

Gender may not matter to you, but gender equality matters in the courtroom. If male breadwinnders have to pay so do female breadwinners. It sucks, especially in your case when there are no children and you both previously made the same income. Those stories are extra "sucky".

--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
mrslady
recently joined


Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: Miranda]
      #673871 - 07/07/10 02:39 PM

Ok this my last post. I agree with gender equality in court. But my point wss that spousal support seems pretty unfair period. I wish someone here could just say amen, sister and not have the gender chip on the shoulder.

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: mrslady]
      #673872 - 07/07/10 02:40 PM

[quote]Ok this my last post. I agree with gender equality in court. But my point wss that spousal support seems pretty unfair period. I wish someone here could just say amen, sister and not have the gender chip on the shoulder. [/quote]

Amen sister.

--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
d2njti
member
*

Reged: 03/05/08
Posts: 187
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: mrslady]
      #673877 - 07/07/10 03:14 PM

"WANTS me to pay him support"
I'm reading that support is not yet ordered in a settlement agreement. He can want all he likes, but you can get an expert to assess his earning capacity, and if he willingly chooses to work under his earning potential, it is unlikely that a court would require you to make up the difference.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
*

Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30988
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: mrslady]
      #673895 - 07/07/10 04:28 PM

"But my point wss that spousal support seems pretty unfair period."

And when did your feelings about spousal support being unfair start? I would bet they started when you were ordered to pay it.

I have ALWAYS been against alimony, from EITHER gender, but men like me have always found little sympathy from the other side. So if you NOW expect men to side with you, I don't think you are going to find it.

Tell me, how many men did YOU side with when THEY had to pay alimony?

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
WisRes
journeyman


Reged: 06/15/10
Posts: 62
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: gr8Dad]
      #674192 - 07/08/10 01:30 PM

I have sided with many men who have paid more maintenance and child support than they ever should have. The system works, but it does not work well. That's coming from a woman who has recieved child support and watched too many male friends get screwed by paying it.

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8175
Loc: This Asylum --->
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: WisRes]
      #674313 - 07/08/10 10:36 PM

This is no reflection on your particular situation, but I despise the phrase "he/she was verbally abusive." It is over used. When people are not getting along they argue. They fight. If one party does not like what is said, it is lumped into the category of verbal abuse. For the most part, it is a meaningless phrase.

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
*

Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30988
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: Maury]
      #674314 - 07/08/10 10:43 PM

I have always felt that the ONLY way to verbally abuse someone is if they are incarcerated or imprisioned in some way. Other than that, if you do not like what someone is saying to you, LEAVE, or tell THEM to leave.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8175
Loc: This Asylum --->
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: gr8Dad]
      #674315 - 07/08/10 10:44 PM

Or don't listen.

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Contour
newbie


Reged: 06/26/10
Posts: 41
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: WisRes]
      #674467 - 07/09/10 03:31 PM

[quote]I have sided with many men who have paid more maintenance and child support than they ever should have. The system works, but it does not work well. That's coming from a woman who has recieved child support and watched too many male friends get screwed by paying it. [/quote]

Well, no secret it does cost to raise kids. I mean both parties created a kid so paying CS is not unfair.

What is unfair is having to support another adult cause of a divorce. If we are talking about property/money settlements, like if one gets the house and the other gets paid 1/2 the equity, that is one thing but to just rip off part of someone's pay and give to the ex is BS. I can't even imagine how it would feel to be divorced from someone you hate and have to give them money. None in my divorce, my ex and I are and always were pretty much dirt poor.

Now let's everyone feel sorry for women who had their foolish Cinderella dreams crushed...


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: mrslady]
      #674566 - 07/10/10 09:35 AM

[quote]My husband and I have the exact same professional degree. He quit his good job 3 years back to start his own business which has gone nowhere while I supported us. No kids, married 15 years. Now he has a part time job and works on his business and wants me to pay him support. There is currently a quite large difference in income though he is qualified to get the exact same type of job I have and in fact did have just such a job 3 years ago. Why, why, why does anyone owe anyone else a living? Why do people feel entitled to mooch off someone else for years and years? Just because they were there before? But they are not there now and that seems important to me! It makes zero sense to me. I guess human beings are often pretty greedy. Some cases I can understand that support is warranted but mostly it seems to be lazy and greedy and unkind. No one is owed a living for free, just get off your buns and take care of yourself. I offered to pay him 6 months so he can make his own choices about what to do with his life. He has already stated that he intends to keep the part time job he has, though. Plus there has been mental abuse (not physical) all these years to where I lost my sense of myself, he is questioning and advising my every move, controlling the money and life in general, and I lived in fear of upsetting him. I am still scared though much much more bold than I used to be. I hate my life right now. I am so so sad, this divorce process is scary and lonely. I just want to be myself again but the world is so black right now :-( [/quote]

Mrs...know how you feel..only it's the other way..the VAST majority of people who receive alimony are women.

I personally couldn't ask for it as a grown adult. Unless maybe if I was starving and sleeping on a bench. Otherwise, as a grown adult, no.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
yregna
veteran
*

Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: Yes_Dad]
      #674938 - 07/12/10 02:17 PM

A WOMAN COMPLAINING ABOUT PAYING ALIMONY !! OH MY GOD !!

Are the only women who are against alimony the ones who have to pay ? Thought so...

--------------------
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
brokenanddeep
recently joined


Reged: 07/12/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Michigan USA
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: mrslady]
      #675033 - 07/12/10 05:50 PM

I agree .. My wife was home for 33 years of marriage and did not invest one hour in inproving her self or skill sets. Then files for Divorce and gets everything including $3,000 a month in Spousal Support.

I was nice guy and agreed in 2006.. but have not worked since jan 2009.. 17 months behind and Court has seized everything.

Right it Suck from a male view point as well...

I owe $51,000 ...and counting...

I feell for you...

Living in Mission Veijo but Divorce was in Michigan..

Later Duke


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
mrslady
recently joined


Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: brokenanddeep]
      #680127 - 08/03/10 03:54 PM

Woohoo I got him to settle for $6000 cash with no possibility of modification in mediation! What a lazy entitled loser. Guess that will buy him a few more months to sit around and smoke pot and whine.

I am against alimony in virtually all cases regardless of gender as it is a stupid idea.

To some of you here: please people stop insulting me because I am a woman against alimony. I wouldn't support it for one of my women friends either. It is the stupidest thing ever except in a few cases. Totally outdated and crazy idea. Rewards people for being lazy and reinforces their selfish feelings the world owes them a living.

Instead of being nasty to me because I am a woman (which by the way I can't help that!), tell me how we can campaign TOGETHER to alter these stupid laws???


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
*

Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30988
Re: Spousal Support Sucks [Re: mrslady]
      #680147 - 08/03/10 08:12 PM

You are still greatly outnumbered by a large group of women who feel that once married to a man, they get to have him keep paying for it after divorce. I have always wondered what would happen if they ordered the homemaker (gender neutral) to continue their tasks, such as cleaning the house, doing laundry, generally fufilling the tasks they provided in marriage. I figure many women should be for it, as they are in favor of the breadwinner paying the homemaker after divorce.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | >> (show all)



Extra information
0 registered and 3 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  dsAdmin 

Print Topic

Forum Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is disabled
      UBBCode is disabled

Rating:
Topic views: 6252

Rate this topic

Jump to

Contact Us Divorce Source Home

*
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: