mrslady
recently joined
Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
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My husband and I have the exact same professional degree. He quit his good job 3 years back to start his own business which has gone nowhere while I supported us. No kids, married 15 years. Now he has a part time job and works on his business and wants me to pay him support. There is currently a quite large difference in income though he is qualified to get the exact same type of job I have and in fact did have just such a job 3 years ago. Why, why, why does anyone owe anyone else a living? Why do people feel entitled to mooch off someone else for years and years? Just because they were there before? But they are not there now and that seems important to me! It makes zero sense to me. I guess human beings are often pretty greedy. Some cases I can understand that support is warranted but mostly it seems to be lazy and greedy and unkind. No one is owed a living for free, just get off your buns and take care of yourself. I offered to pay him 6 months so he can make his own choices about what to do with his life. He has already stated that he intends to keep the part time job he has, though. Plus there has been mental abuse (not physical) all these years to where I lost my sense of myself, he is questioning and advising my every move, controlling the money and life in general, and I lived in fear of upsetting him. I am still scared though much much more bold than I used to be. I hate my life right now. I am so so sad, this divorce process is scary and lonely. I just want to be myself again but the world is so black right now :-(
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Women have been doing this for years, receiving alimony. It is only fair that women "bread winners" are held to the same standards that men have been held to. It stinks for everyone that has to pay.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Interestingly enough, men have said for YEARS that if you want to see an end to alimony, start making WOMEN pay it...and LOOK what is happening, LOL (I know you are against alimony, NOT criticizing you).
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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mrslady
recently joined
Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
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I don't understand why my gender is coming up here? It does not seem to matter to me.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Try looking at it from a GUYS perspective, we have been paying alimony for a HELL of a lot longer.
Edited to add: And when we complained about it, we were told it was only FAIR, and we should suck it up and deal with it.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
Edited by gr8Dad (07/07/10 02:18 PM)
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mrslady
recently joined
Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
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I don't understand your attitude towards me. Seems you agree with me 100% yet delight in my misfortune. I am a human being not only a woman. I guess this forum is not a place to get support. Adios divorce source I will kust talk to my best friend
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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[quote]I don't understand why my gender is coming up here? It does not seem to matter to me. [/quote]
Gender may not matter to you, but gender equality matters in the courtroom. If male breadwinnders have to pay so do female breadwinners. It sucks, especially in your case when there are no children and you both previously made the same income. Those stories are extra "sucky".
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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mrslady
recently joined
Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
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Ok this my last post. I agree with gender equality in court. But my point wss that spousal support seems pretty unfair period. I wish someone here could just say amen, sister and not have the gender chip on the shoulder.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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[quote]Ok this my last post. I agree with gender equality in court. But my point wss that spousal support seems pretty unfair period. I wish someone here could just say amen, sister and not have the gender chip on the shoulder. [/quote]
Amen sister.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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d2njti
member
Reged: 03/05/08
Posts: 187
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"WANTS me to pay him support"
I'm reading that support is not yet ordered in a settlement agreement. He can want all he likes, but you can get an expert to assess his earning capacity, and if he willingly chooses to work under his earning potential, it is unlikely that a court would require you to make up the difference.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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"But my point wss that spousal support seems pretty unfair period."
And when did your feelings about spousal support being unfair start? I would bet they started when you were ordered to pay it.
I have ALWAYS been against alimony, from EITHER gender, but men like me have always found little sympathy from the other side. So if you NOW expect men to side with you, I don't think you are going to find it.
Tell me, how many men did YOU side with when THEY had to pay alimony?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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WisRes
journeyman
Reged: 06/15/10
Posts: 62
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I have sided with many men who have paid more maintenance and child support than they ever should have. The system works, but it does not work well. That's coming from a woman who has recieved child support and watched too many male friends get screwed by paying it.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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This is no reflection on your particular situation, but I despise the phrase "he/she was verbally abusive." It is over used. When people are not getting along they argue. They fight. If one party does not like what is said, it is lumped into the category of verbal abuse. For the most part, it is a meaningless phrase.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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I have always felt that the ONLY way to verbally abuse someone is if they are incarcerated or imprisioned in some way. Other than that, if you do not like what someone is saying to you, LEAVE, or tell THEM to leave.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Or don't listen.
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Contour
newbie
Reged: 06/26/10
Posts: 41
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[quote]I have sided with many men who have paid more maintenance and child support than they ever should have. The system works, but it does not work well. That's coming from a woman who has recieved child support and watched too many male friends get screwed by paying it. [/quote]
Well, no secret it does cost to raise kids. I mean both parties created a kid so paying CS is not unfair.
What is unfair is having to support another adult cause of a divorce. If we are talking about property/money settlements, like if one gets the house and the other gets paid 1/2 the equity, that is one thing but to just rip off part of someone's pay and give to the ex is BS. I can't even imagine how it would feel to be divorced from someone you hate and have to give them money. None in my divorce, my ex and I are and always were pretty much dirt poor.
Now let's everyone feel sorry for women who had their foolish Cinderella dreams crushed...
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]My husband and I have the exact same professional degree. He quit his good job 3 years back to start his own business which has gone nowhere while I supported us. No kids, married 15 years. Now he has a part time job and works on his business and wants me to pay him support. There is currently a quite large difference in income though he is qualified to get the exact same type of job I have and in fact did have just such a job 3 years ago. Why, why, why does anyone owe anyone else a living? Why do people feel entitled to mooch off someone else for years and years? Just because they were there before? But they are not there now and that seems important to me! It makes zero sense to me. I guess human beings are often pretty greedy. Some cases I can understand that support is warranted but mostly it seems to be lazy and greedy and unkind. No one is owed a living for free, just get off your buns and take care of yourself. I offered to pay him 6 months so he can make his own choices about what to do with his life. He has already stated that he intends to keep the part time job he has, though. Plus there has been mental abuse (not physical) all these years to where I lost my sense of myself, he is questioning and advising my every move, controlling the money and life in general, and I lived in fear of upsetting him. I am still scared though much much more bold than I used to be. I hate my life right now. I am so so sad, this divorce process is scary and lonely. I just want to be myself again but the world is so black right now :-( [/quote]
Mrs...know how you feel..only it's the other way..the VAST majority of people who receive alimony are women.
I personally couldn't ask for it as a grown adult. Unless maybe if I was starving and sleeping on a bench. Otherwise, as a grown adult, no.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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A WOMAN COMPLAINING ABOUT PAYING ALIMONY !! OH MY GOD !!
Are the only women who are against alimony the ones who have to pay ? Thought so...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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brokenanddeep
recently joined
Reged: 07/12/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Michigan USA
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I agree .. My wife was home for 33 years of marriage and did not invest one hour in inproving her self or skill sets. Then files for Divorce and gets everything including $3,000 a month in Spousal Support.
I was nice guy and agreed in 2006.. but have not worked since jan 2009.. 17 months behind and Court has seized everything.
Right it Suck from a male view point as well...
I owe $51,000 ...and counting...
I feell for you...
Living in Mission Veijo but Divorce was in Michigan..
Later Duke
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mrslady
recently joined
Reged: 06/23/10
Posts: 5
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Woohoo I got him to settle for $6000 cash with no possibility of modification in mediation! What a lazy entitled loser. Guess that will buy him a few more months to sit around and smoke pot and whine.
I am against alimony in virtually all cases regardless of gender as it is a stupid idea.
To some of you here: please people stop insulting me because I am a woman against alimony. I wouldn't support it for one of my women friends either. It is the stupidest thing ever except in a few cases. Totally outdated and crazy idea. Rewards people for being lazy and reinforces their selfish feelings the world owes them a living.
Instead of being nasty to me because I am a woman (which by the way I can't help that!), tell me how we can campaign TOGETHER to alter these stupid laws???
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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You are still greatly outnumbered by a large group of women who feel that once married to a man, they get to have him keep paying for it after divorce. I have always wondered what would happen if they ordered the homemaker (gender neutral) to continue their tasks, such as cleaning the house, doing laundry, generally fufilling the tasks they provided in marriage. I figure many women should be for it, as they are in favor of the breadwinner paying the homemaker after divorce.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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