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Jake123
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Reged: 07/11/10
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She wants everything including the kids!!!!!!
      #674693 - 07/11/10 07:02 AM

Hi

I am going through a really bad divorce at the moment. My ex wants to gain full custody of the kids. A few of my friends who have been through divorces are saying there is no point going through the courts as they always side with the mother. Is this true? How can I increase my chances of seeing my kids?


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finz
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Reged: 06/17/08
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Re: She wants everything including the kids!!!!!! [Re: Jake123]
      #674769 - 07/11/10 06:22 PM

What state are you in ?

Is there a reason 50/50 custody wouldn't work out ?

When I joined this site, I was under the outdated impression that one parent (yes, usually the mom, got custody and the other parent got eow) While it seems like many courts still favor the mom, more courts are 'assuming' a shared custody model unless there is a reason why one parent is unfit


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BarbaraSD
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Reged: 07/09/10
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Re: She wants everything including the kids!!!!!! [Re: Jake123]
      #674793 - 07/11/10 08:58 PM

No, it is not true that the courts also side with the mother. However, you really need to inform yourself of the factors the court will look at to determine custody arrangements. You can then be prepared to show what the court wants to see.
An excellent resource for self-represented people is
centenniallawoffices.com/Pro%20Per.html
Ask what the factors are used to determine custody. You can get your legal issues researched and answers provided quickly, help with forms, etc. without actually having to hire attorney to represent you. Good luck.


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finz
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Re: She wants everything including the kids!!!!!! [Re: BarbaraSD]
      #674797 - 07/11/10 09:02 PM

barb,

go away with the spam

no one is interested


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1004SRS
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Re: She wants everything including the kids!!!!!! [Re: Jake123]
      #676226 - 07/17/10 10:07 PM

THey are really into 50/50 custody in my state. GO for it! What have you got to lose?

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Debi
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Re: She wants everything including the kids!!!!!! [Re: Jake123]
      #676311 - 07/18/10 02:04 PM

It's normal for both people to ask for everything including custody. Any lawyer will tell you ask for MORE than you're willing to accept in hopes of getting what you can live with.

As for "Everyone" who has told you that courts always side with the mom, they're wrong. Part of the reason, these days that more mom's have custody is because fathers buy into that and don't fight for it. Most courts are starting to realize that the children are better off spending as much time as possible with BOTH parents. Sometimes 50/50 doesn't work due to employment issues but each parent should fight for as much time up to 50/50 that they can handle with the other responsibilities in their life.

Sounds to me like your friends are bitter or didn't try with a very convincing arguement to get more time with their kids. Thank them for their advice and then go prove them wrong.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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jsp
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Re: She wants everything including the kids!!!!!! [Re: Debi]
      #679658 - 07/31/10 12:52 PM

Ask for the same and compromise at 50/50 My husband's ex blocked visitation for years - went back for more child support - didn't get enough to justify the expense as she got the two older ones who aged out dropped when he still paid on them... dumb... and the judge restored his visitation and gave him more - she only temp. did it but the judge was great - he didn't want to spend the money knowing the child was in the middle and she'd never work with him. It depends on the judge, situation, etc... but just because you hear one horror story does not mean it will happen to you.

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rocketmom
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Reged: 08/23/10
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Re: She wants everything including the kids!!!!!! [Re: jsp]
      #690523 - 09/14/10 07:11 PM

Unless there is something going on with you (drug abuse, physical abuse) there is really not a chance that she will get full custody. Most all states are going for joint-legal custody. Where one parent (usually mom) is sole custodian (NOT PHYSICAL CUSTODY) and dad is just as involved as mom. Includes making decisions regarding health and education as well as .. well, 50-50 parenting rights. after school, some nights during the week, weekends.. it's however the arrangements work for you both. If you live in the same town this is what you will be looking at. If not but in the same state (or not) you can still share joint-legal and have your rights and visitation. Good Luck. Both Parents no matter how bad the divorce is should consider what it is and will do to the kids. Courts want to see that you are both concerned with that major issue. Sounds like she needs a wake-up call.

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Jake123
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Re: She wants everything including the kids!!!!!! [Re: rocketmom]
      #690929 - 09/16/10 09:23 AM

I would like to thank you all for your support. Sorry I have not replied in a while. Have been in and out of court. The good news is I have joint-legal custody of my kids. I could not have got through this without the members on this site. Thank you guys. :-)

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