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SemperFi2MyGuy
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Reged: 07/31/10
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On a Boat
      #679712 - 07/31/10 10:13 PM

My husband recently deployed on a ship.
He called me today and told me that he thinks our marriage isn't working because we never sleep in the same room (I was pregnant before he left and he kicks in his sleep).
He said that he's going to call me a lot so we can "figure things out".
I'm hoping and assuming that this is craziness just coming from being stuck on that boat.
So long story short, can he file for separation while he's there?


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elliesmom
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Re: On a Boat [Re: SemperFi2MyGuy]
      #679717 - 08/01/10 08:46 AM

Probably not. But nothing is stopping him from doing it when he returns.

I don't see the big deal with separate beds unless you also weren't having sex, which clearly you were as you are pregnant.

But hopefully you can get some counseling and maybe reach a consensus on this issue and others. Because its sounds like you decided "this is what I am going to do - like it or not." And he is was in the "not" column. And he had no say. It is is easy to do in a marriage (especially as a military spouse because you do have to make alot of decisions on your own so it does become a habit) because lets face it unless the other person is willniing to up and leave over it you will get your way. But it is neither fair to the other person nor healthy.

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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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english7
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Re: On a Boat [Re: elliesmom]
      #679736 - 08/01/10 12:09 PM

I don't understand how the poster is trying to get her own way with no say from her husband. Do you mean the sleeping arrangements or HIS call to tell her he didn't think the marriage was working?

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SemperFi2MyGuy
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Re: On a Boat [Re: elliesmom]
      #679834 - 08/01/10 11:39 PM

[quote]Probably not. But nothing is stopping him from doing it when he returns.

I don't see the big deal with separate beds unless you also weren't having sex, which clearly you were as you are pregnant.

But hopefully you can get some counseling and maybe reach a consensus on this issue and others. Because its sounds like you decided "this is what I am going to do - like it or not." And he is was in the "not" column. And he had no say. It is is easy to do in a marriage (especially as a military spouse because you do have to make alot of decisions on your own so it does become a habit) because lets face it unless the other person is willniing to up and leave over it you will get your way. But it is neither fair to the other person nor healthy. [/quote]

Thank you for your response.
I'm not too worried about who's right or wrong at this time, we can work that out together.
I just want to make sure he can't do anything while we're separated by a deployment.
This is his first deployment and I don't think that he's handling it well so I don't want him to make any crazy decisions until he gets back.
Just trying to hold things together right now since we have 2 little ones

Edited by SemperFi2MyGuy (08/01/10 11:40 PM)


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Miranda
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Re: On a Boat [Re: SemperFi2MyGuy]
      #679846 - 08/02/10 08:09 AM

The stress before deployments is HIGH. My husband leaves again in about three weeks and we are ready to strangle each other. It is not a fun time at all.

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13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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elliesmom
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Re: On a Boat [Re: english7]
      #679854 - 08/02/10 09:33 AM

If I remove myself from the marital bed - against my husband's wishes - I have just gotten my way against his wishes.

MAYBE that was the only practical solution - but it doesn't sound like they communicated and agreed on that it was just done. Not sure if you would know - but that happens alot in a military marriage, because as the spouse who spend months making decisions without input from the other party you get into that habit. But that doesn't mean that the receiving spouse is in the same "habit" and can appreciate that this is one of a thousand decisions you made without discussing it with them.

And yes, prior to leaving for deployment I swear.to.g-d. that man is trying to make sure I don't miss him; by leaving day I am ready to drop kick him out the door all the way to the stupid boat.

--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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