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rocketmom
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Reged: 08/23/10
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maybe i'm still bitter
      #684455 - 08/23/10 11:58 AM

My 2 years of spousal support ends this month. While married, my then husband refused to allow me to further my education. He said that he needed to finish his first. I worked hard, and raised babies while he was at work and night classes. He told me that when he finished his degree I could start on mine. A semester shy of him getting his degree he starts seeing someone else and asks for a divorce.
So, I am taking one class at a time while working and raising the kids. I feel like I'm entitled to the spousal support until my degree is complete!
Any opinions or advice is welcomed.


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Sherron
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: rocketmom]
      #684462 - 08/23/10 12:23 PM

"So, I am taking one class at a time while working and raising the kids. I feel like I'm entitled to the spousal support until my degree is complete!"

My guess is it should have been written in the decree that way then... not 2 years... you may feel you got the short end, but honestly, I don't think ss is an entitlement. I understand about working, raising kids and going to school, have been doing it myself for the last... 4, 5 years? It sucks, but it's doable. My opinion... let the ss drop, move on and do it on your own.


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rocketmom
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: Sherron]
      #684465 - 08/23/10 12:29 PM

Thanks. that's what I was leaning on. I know I'm still bitter b/c I am having to struggle so hard. Sometimes I let it get the best of me but I'm trying sooo hard not to.

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Sherron
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: rocketmom]
      #684474 - 08/23/10 12:56 PM

There will be good days, and there will be bad days. The struggle will only make it worth more to you in the end, that you were able to finish it on your own, without depending on him. I think it's good that you're recognizing that your own bitterness may taint your decisions and that you're fighting against that... so let it go... that chapter of your life is done, it is time to start a new one.

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yregna
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Reged: 07/25/06
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: Sherron]
      #684502 - 08/23/10 02:05 PM

The longer he stayed with you, the more it would have cost him in the end, so why stay ?
They are not his kids, they are your children. 2 years is a pretty small cost to get a user like you out of his life.

--------------------
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"


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Sherron
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: yregna]
      #684504 - 08/23/10 02:10 PM

rocketmom... ignore yregna, the resident troll on this board.

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spinnerdegrassi
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: rocketmom]
      #684620 - 08/23/10 09:34 PM

Why wouldn't you get your education before having children? That might have negated this whole problem in the first place.

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gr8Dad
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: spinnerdegrassi]
      #684625 - 08/23/10 09:50 PM

I guess what bugs me is that yes, she cared for the kids, but he WORKED and went to school in the evening, so it was not like she was supporting him, HE was paying for everything.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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Debi
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: gr8Dad]
      #684633 - 08/23/10 10:25 PM

guess what bugs me is that yes, she cared for the kids, but he WORKED and went to school in the evening, so it was not like she was supporting him, HE was paying for everything.

Except childcare. Sure he WORKED and he went to school evenings. He didn't have to worry about getting home and helping the kids with homework, bathing them, getting lunches ready for the next day, trying to find time to study and worrying about paying for extra childcare so he could go to school. Plus it gave him time for an extra cirricular sex life. Nice.

Do I think that warrants alimony? No, because I'm against it except in very extreme cases, but in my world it never would have happened that my husband got to spend the time furthering his education while I sat home with the kids so he could do it. Either we'd have both been going on neither of us would.

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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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gr8Dad
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: Debi]
      #684635 - 08/23/10 10:37 PM

"Except childcare. Sure he WORKED and he went to school evenings. He didn't have to worry about getting home and helping the kids with homework, bathing them, getting lunches ready for the next day"

Well, you would have to admit that HALF of the care of the kids was her responsibility, and while HE didn't have to worry about child care, SHE also did not have to worry about PAYING for the house, the food, the utilities, clothing, etc etc.

Its the old stay and home parent thing. Yes, it is work, but HE was working as well.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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1004SRS
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: gr8Dad]
      #684656 - 08/24/10 05:40 AM

If you have someone at home, you don't have to wory about getting to daycare before they close to pick up the kids. You have time to do the political, after hours thing at work.

I do think Stay-at-home parents deserve better in a divorce because without their hlep (in most instances), the working parent wouldn't have gotten as far in their job.


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rocketmom
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: gr8Dad]
      #684672 - 08/24/10 07:36 AM

Maybe I should have mentioned that while I was pregnant He was out of work and I supported him for a whole year. While he was working and taking night classes, I was not just taking care of the children.. I ran a successful daycare out of my home and spent my earnings paying off our debt. That job was from 7am-7pm.

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rocketmom
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: spinnerdegrassi]
      #684675 - 08/24/10 07:39 AM

[quote]Why wouldn't you get your education before having children? That might have negated this whole problem in the first place. [/quote]

Not everyone's life rolls out according to plan.


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spinnerdegrassi
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: rocketmom]
      #684706 - 08/24/10 10:58 AM

[quote][quote]Why wouldn't you get your education before having children? That might have negated this whole problem in the first place. [/quote]

Not everyone's life rolls out according to plan. [/quote]

Then you have to accept the results of the choices you made don't you?


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palmel1234
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: spinnerdegrassi]
      #684716 - 08/24/10 11:40 AM

The grass is always greener. I wish I had been able to stay home with my kids while my husband worked and spend that time with them. But we couldn't afford for me to stay home. I had to work the entire length of the marriage, and missed out on a lot with our children.

It sucks he didn't live up to his end of the bargan when he promised that once he was done with school you could go to school. But on the other hand, you got to spend that time with your children, which is something I never had.


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hanzblinx
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: rocketmom]
      #685381 - 08/26/10 11:58 AM

My opinion (since you asked) is that alimony is a direct violation of the 13th ammendment of the US constitution and if you want your husband to remain an involuntary slave to you (he was for 2 years) you should live in a country that does not afford individual freedom to it's citizens.

Personally my ex left me for a much younger man than herself(barely out of high school) but that's irrelavant to the courts in my state.

My alimony lasted 6 months during and will go 18 months after the divorce. I have 11 months left of slavery to my ex [censored] of a wife. You must understand that the free money you get is not free at all, it comes at the cost of your ex's freedom. The sooner it ends, the sooner you and my ex can become adults and stop acting like children on some kind of "child support for useless women in their 30's"

Children are expected to become self supporting at the age of 18 (at least legally) and are simultaniously given the right to vote at that age. Women in their 30's who cannot meet the same level of responsibility of an 18 year old should defer their legal right to vote until such time that they become legally independent human beings. Their votes should be given to the man supporting them, and he should therefore have 2 votes as long as he is responsible for 2 human lives.

Edited by hanzblinx (08/26/10 12:25 PM)


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Sherron
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: hanzblinx]
      #685419 - 08/26/10 01:25 PM

lol

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rocketmom
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Re: maybe i'm still bitter [Re: hanzblinx]
      #687119 - 09/02/10 07:19 AM

[quote]My opinion (since you asked) is that alimony is a direct violation of the 13th ammendment of the US constitution and if you want your husband to remain an involuntary slave to you (he was for 2 years) you should live in a country that does not afford individual freedom to it's citizens.

Personally my ex left me for a much younger man than herself(barely out of high school) but that's irrelavant to the courts in my state.

My alimony lasted 6 months during and will go 18 months after the divorce. I have 11 months left of slavery to my ex [censored] of a wife. You must understand that the free money you get is not free at all, it comes at the cost of your ex's freedom. The sooner it ends, the sooner you and my ex can become adults and stop acting like children on some kind of "child support for useless women in their 30's"

Children are expected to become self supporting at the age of 18 (at least legally) and are simultaniously given the right to vote at that age. Women in their 30's who cannot meet the same level of responsibility of an 18 year old should defer their legal right to vote until such time that they become legally independent human beings. Their votes should be given to the man supporting them, and he should therefore have 2 votes as long as he is responsible for 2 human lives. [/quote]

Your wifey left you?? You sound terribly bitter. And if she left you why is she getting alimony?? That is so wrong.
Anyway.. Hope you didn't hurt your fingers in that hostile reply. Take some anxiety meds, talk to a counselor, you have my prayers.


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