haventstartedyet
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Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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He will consent to a divorce in MD. His family lives in MD, so he could stay with them if he had to come for court. Also, I have heard that things that need to be discussed can be done over the phone(speakerphone). A friend of mine a few years back divorced her military cheating husband & they were able to have the attorney/lawyers talk over speakerphone to come to an agreement about things(this was due to the distance). If I stayed in GA it would be like I was being thrown out into the cold with nowhere to go...but at the same time I cannot stay here with an abusive scary man threatening to leave us with no money to live on at all. When you say 'force your return' if he filed in GA...how would I be forced to return & why when I feel threatened by him...and again with nowhere to stay? Let's say he agreed to everything(child support, alimony, visitation rights, etc..),which he just might to get it all over with & signed all the papers? I think if everything was spelled out for him & showed what exactly would happen, he may just agree. To know my husband is to know his complete laziness about most things & let's say he came home & never filed for divorce even knowing he had to pay money during the year I was in MD before I could actually file? Honestly, I do not want this to be difficult if it doesn't have to be. I am hoping for this to go as smooth as it can considering the situation. I want to begin working in MD if that is where I'll be living. Getting a job here to turn around and have to leave is not good & who would hire me knowing that I would only be there for a certain amount of time? This is why I want to start over in the state of MD where I will be living. Please understand even with a job, if I am not supported by my husband(if he refused to pay)I would in no way be able to afford a place of my own & supporting 2 children. There has to be options for me to be able to stay in MD, right? If he completely consents to me moving to MD, what would happen in that instance?
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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You would still need to get divorced in GA.
MD is very clear - you have to live there for a year. Neither of you have done that.
If I were you - I would not want to just trust him and move there and wait. Because if he files in GA the judge could (and probably would if he asked) order the children returned to GA. I would not bet my children that he wouldn't do that. He and his new shackup honey could end up with your kids.
The smart thing to do is get a job, get a lawyer, etc. Your kids are in school. A judge will not understand why you have no job. Take care of your affairs in GA and then move to MD and restart your life there. Divorce is a long a process unless everyone agrees and files the paperwork together. You need to be prepared in case he decides to be a pill. He could get a new girlfriend who thinks you deserve nothing and propels him to do all sorts of things.
Obviously yes - you would up and quit when your divorce is over and move to MD, but you have to eat in the mean time. The court will not look kindly upon someone who has no job and is not disabled or caring for a young (non-school aged) child. Your husband is an E-4 not the lottery. He gets to keep enough of his pay to support himself. He has to HELP you (not do it alone) support the kids.
My husbands divorce took 3 years. That is unusual, but you must consider that has a possiblity and plan your "for right now" accordingly. He is coming home in November - you need at LEAST one paycheck to get your own rental place. You have no time to waste here.
Talk to a GA lawyer. He may advise you that you can file in GA, move to MD, and come back for court depending on the strength of your case. Certainly allowing his family time with the kids would strengthen your position that a MD move would not alienate him from his kids.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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I thank you so much for your advice and info. Just a side note: I have never alienated him from our kids, he does that on his own. Living in the same household is like him not being here at all...he spends all of his time with his addiction of computer games & money spending like it's burning the largest hole in his pocket. The man has problems & would never be man enough to admit it, much less get help for it. Just a few of the many reasons we need to get out. Trust me, me moving with the children to MD will not be taking any time away from him seeing the kids...he never sees them anyway even when he is home. I believe he will be completely thrilled when we are gone and he can stick his 40 yr old head back into the computer screen undisturbed.
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DedicatedDad
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Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Even if he agrees to everything, it doesn't appear that you would get enough money to support the kids without working full time. If I understand you correctly, you have a teaching degree? Your starting pay should be easily higher than a E4. Your education will eliminate alimony, whether you work or not. Child support is based on guidelines, and your income doesn't play a part in GA. You could make $10,000/month, and CS would be the same. I plugged his income into a GA calculator, and his CS is around $575/month. His BAH, if lives on base will be reduced when divorced, but with BAH added, CS goes to around $750/month.
I plugged the same numbers into a MD calculator, where the CP's income is used, and the number was $515 without BAH and your income at $0, $630 with BAH, $425 if you are working without BAH, and $558 with.
The bottom line is you are probably going to get $425-$750 a month for support.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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"When you say 'force your return' if he filed in GA...how would I be forced to return & why when I feel threatened by him...and again with nowhere to stay? Let's say he agreed to everything"
Just wanted to mention exactly what that means. The courts would not force you to return. They would order the children back to either live with you if you came back, or with him making him the custodial parent if you remained in MD, and they would live with him in GA.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Looking back at your other posts, I see you also have a MD DL, and pay taxes in MD. I'm not that familiar with some of the complexities of military divorces. You will need to see an attorney for clarification of your questions.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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[quote]Looking back at your other posts, I see you also have a MD DL, and pay taxes in MD. I'm not that familiar with some of the complexities of military divorces. You will need to see an attorney for clarification of your questions. [/quote]
No she does not need an attorney. She is a resident of GA as she has lived there and met the residency requirements of that state. It has nothing to do with taxes or DLs.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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[quote][quote]Looking back at your other posts, I see you also have a MD DL, and pay taxes in MD. I'm not that familiar with some of the complexities of military divorces. You will need to see an attorney for clarification of your questions. [/quote]
No she does not need an attorney. She is a resident of GA as she has lived there and met the residency requirements of that state. It has nothing to do with taxes or DLs. [/quote]
I don't mean just for that individual question. There are many complexities considering he's military, she has high expectations for support, and she wants to be moved out of state before he gets back.
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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You have been so helpful to me. I decided to step on it this morning & go around the base to talk to Legal/JAG. I have an appt. for Sept. 15th to come in, unless someone cancels, then they will call me to come in earlier & I believe the lady said I would be able to question an attorney at that time. I have a lot of papers to read here. I'm reading directly from the paper: There is no separation period necessary before filing for a divorce in this state. I have a definitive answer now to the question on where I absolutely must file & that is GA. The reason: 'If you are seeking alimony/c.s. from your spouse, the divorce must be filed in the spouse's state of residence in order to be enforceable'. This does not state that I need to remain here once it is filed...I will discuss that with the atty. at the time of the appt. In reference to the BAH, I've gotten different answers, but I wanted to state what it says in the 'information brief' pprwk: 'Family unit not residing in Gov't.Family Housing: The Soldier will provide financial support in an amount equial to the Soldier's BAH II-WITH to the family unit'..exact wording. There was one response that I would not be getting any BAH whatsoever, but from the wording in the pprwk., it sounds like I would be getting something(I will not be living in the house...I know if I was to continue living here in the house I would not get it). $425-$750 is quoted from above on the c.s. I used a calculator and got $623-$758 w/o BAH...with BAH is $883-$1075. Does anyone know how long soon 2 B X gets to live in the home before being moved to the barracks? Question about 'separation agreement'...This is not something that is required, but can be put in with court orders as long as both parties agree to that. If I were to personally write up my own 'SA', then sign it & send it to my husband to sign...will this be acceptable? I am reading that we both would have to sign it & be present for it to be notarized. Would there be an acception to this in my case or no? Thanks again everyone.
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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On the schooling for teaching, I am still in the process of taking courses in order to obtain a 'teaching certificate'...this would not be a degree(I still have 6 more courses to go before I even reach the 'certificate' point). I could get a degree if I continued with many more courses & then I could get an Associates degree..Bachelors degree...then Masters. Teaching degrees take a bit of schooling as I am finding out pretty quickly.
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