haventstartedyet
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Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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Just a little background...Married 11 1/2 yrs.(4 1/2 yrs. hubby has been in Army). He is currently deployed due back early Nov 2010(so very soon). We have 2 daughters together(6 & 10). We've lived on base in GA for about 2 yrs. now. Our homestate is MD(both of us). To the point, our marriage is over...it's been heading to this for years. I need some major advice. I would like to be gone before he gets home because he is crazy verbally abusive with me in front of the kids. He scares me and them. He gets within an inch of my face and yells at the top of his lungs. In the almost year he's been gone, he has only called home 5 times...the last time was last night and to quote him he said 'When I get home things are going to change and if you want any money, you better get a fk'ng job' & then he hung up. This is maybe TMI...so I'll try to get to the point. I am a SAHM(since my hubby joined the Army & we had to move). I am also a student taking Early Childhood Education courses to become a preschool teacher. Now the point of this post...I want a divorce & I don't see my husband making this easy at all. He will not contest it, but I'm positive he will make everything about money things as difficult as humanly possible. Our daughters are coming with me. My husband will not argue this since he has barely been a father to them.(Where the children are concerned this is just beyond sad). I fear for when we move & if they will hear from their father. What I need to know is who do I speak to on-base to let them know I want to leave before he gets home because I fear what will happen when he gets here. I don't want to be charged with 'abondonment'. I will be going to MD to live with family when I leave GA. Do I file seperation in GA or can I do it in MD since MD is both of our homestate(taxes paid to MD & our driver's license's are MD). My husband joined the Army in MD. Once things go to court(I'm not really sure how it all will work) will he need to come to MD for court proceedings or will I have to go to GA where he'll continue to live. There is no way I can see being able to afford any kind of travel back to GA(10 hr. drive one-way). I don't work currently. I do intend to find work teaching once I move. When I move out, I cannot stay in GA...I have no one here. Once I file separation papers, how long will it take before I might see child support, alimony, BAH, etc.. In ref. to child support, I would like it to start from the day I move out, which is only right. I also don't want to be a burden to my family by me & 2 children having to live with them. A lot of what is going to happen once I move is going to depend on how fast some of these things will happen. Can anyone pls. help me on this? There is no way I can be here when he gets home & I've been threatened that he will cut off all money to me, which also means the children. I swear he doesn't see the children as part of him...he groups the girls and I together like he is a separate entity. Anyway...pls. help me quickly. Thank you for any advice you may have.
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Miranda
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You are a resident of GA, so you can file there or move back to MD once you meet the residency requirements of that state. Your husband can file in either GA or MD as he has more options due to being active duty.
If he is due back in a month you need to get the ball rolling. You will not be able to file until he returns. You need to ask for a temp. child support order in your original filing.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Bjay
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Reged: 06/04/05
Posts: 130
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I agree with Miranda. Start with googling MD divorce and look into child support while you are at it. Child support is set by the state you file in. If you intend to live in MD filing there is the way to go. I found this in about two seconds:
Maryland Filing Requirements: In order to file for a divorce in Maryland, residency requirements must be met for the court to accept the case. If the court discovers it does not have jurisdictional rights to hear the case it will not be accepted or it will eventually be dismissed. The requirements are as follows:
There is a 1 year requirement if the grounds for the divorce occurred outside the state of Maryland, otherwise if either spouse is a resident of the state of Maryland, he or she may file in the county in which either spouse resides. If you are filing for divorce under the grounds of insanity, the residency requirement is increased to 2 years. (Maryland Code - Family Law Chapter - Section: 7-103)
If you discover that you DO NOT meet at least one of the above residency requirements, you can consider the following 4 options:
1. Do not proceed with a divorce and attempt to save your marriage.
2. Establish residency in Maryland for the period time set forth above (this does not mean you have to wait to begin the process of getting your documents).
3. Have your spouse do the filing if he or she meets the necessary residency requirements for Maryland.
4. Choose another state in which you or your spouse may meet the residency requirements (all state residency laws are unique, so be sure to check the state in which you were married as a potential option).
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haventstartedyet
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Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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Thank you very much for the info. Ok..so if I filed in MD once I met the residency requirements, would the following court procedings then take place in MD? Again I want to ask about leaving before he arrives home. Who should I be talking to about that? I don't want 'abandonment' being something I may end paying for later. Thanks again for the help & info.
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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We were married in MD...does this make a difference to anything? Would I still need to wait a whole year before I could file? In that time, my husband could be making things very difficult while I'd be unable to do anything about it because of residency requirements in MD where I'd be living.
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matart1
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You could have been married in Hawaii but that does not mean you have to go back to that state for divorce. You can divorce in the state you live in.
Going back to Maryland means that you need to establish yourself there for 1 year to meet the requirement of residency then you could go to court for your child support and such.
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DedicatedDad
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You can't file in MD as you don't live there, and as another poster stated, you must be a resident for a year to file. You must file in GA. If you move to MD now, your husband can file in GA when he returns, and the court will order the kids back to GA. In general, GA orders shared parenting, and your income will most likely be imputed to your earning potential, which may be the same as his. You may not be eligible for child support in that instance. You may be able to get short term alimony while you look for a job. Will he live on base in GA? If not, he may not get BAH. You need an attorney yesterday.
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haventstartedyet
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Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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You'd have to know my husband. He doesn't want the kids...at all. Will the court order the kids back to GA knowing full well he doesn't want them. He will live on base as we do right now. He would have to move to the barracks I suppose. BAH right now is 1179.00/BAS 323.87/Mid-month pay 1127.49. He is an E-4. Can anyone figure the math on this one as to what you see as the support I might receive? I really want to be armed with as much information as possible before seeing the folks on base that I need to talk to. And no, I don't live in MD now...but I want to move by the end of this month back to MD. From what I'm understanding, I can file in GA, but have to wait til he gets back from 'over there'. In the meantime, can't I have the papers drawn up & be speaking to a lawyer so I have everything in order? I'd like to have the papers on the counter when he arrives home just waiting on his signature. Would that be possible? I do not have the money to get a place here on my own and I don't have anyone here(family or otherwise) that could take us in. It would be impossible for me to stay here. I have to go back to MD before he gets back. Right now, I am looking at child support, alimony and BAH. Would there be any reason for me not to get any of those?
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Miranda
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If you live on base and or he lives in the barracks then there is no BAH, right?
As soon as you all leave, he will have to vacate housing usually within 6 weeks or so.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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elliesmom
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Reged: 11/07/05
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You don't need to talk to anyone on base.
You need a civilian lawyer there where you and your children live. GA may require you to stay there simply so he can exercise visitation - not just in an instance of 50-50 custody. If he were to transfer or move - or consent - after the divorce was over you could move back to Maryland.
You will not get BAH in a divorce - his CS and (if awarded) alimony will include that as a part of his income. Assuming you get custody - you will get CS. You MAY get alimony, but if I am reading it right - you've only been unemployed due to his military service for 4 years? And he's an E-4? Alimony is a toss up. He doesn't make much and you weren't kept out of the job force that long. Not to mention your kids are school age so there is no reason that you can't have a job now. I would say alimony is a long shot. They have to leave him enough money to live on and as an able-bodied adult they expect you to provide for yourself and your children.
The state of GA (and most states) have a calculator to calculate child support. But if memory serves your income is a factor - which should be at a minimum - full time at minimum wage.
It would be nearly impossible for you to obtain a divorce in MD without his consent. One - you have to wait a year. He would be advised during that time that he has to pay you ALOT of money or file for divorce in GA (thus forcing your return), which since things are not friendly I would bet he would do just that.
Your best bet would be to get a lawyer and a job where you are now. Then get a place to live. And wait for either court or you two to hash out an agreement.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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haventstartedyet
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Posts: 117
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He will consent to a divorce in MD. His family lives in MD, so he could stay with them if he had to come for court. Also, I have heard that things that need to be discussed can be done over the phone(speakerphone). A friend of mine a few years back divorced her military cheating husband & they were able to have the attorney/lawyers talk over speakerphone to come to an agreement about things(this was due to the distance). If I stayed in GA it would be like I was being thrown out into the cold with nowhere to go...but at the same time I cannot stay here with an abusive scary man threatening to leave us with no money to live on at all. When you say 'force your return' if he filed in GA...how would I be forced to return & why when I feel threatened by him...and again with nowhere to stay? Let's say he agreed to everything(child support, alimony, visitation rights, etc..),which he just might to get it all over with & signed all the papers? I think if everything was spelled out for him & showed what exactly would happen, he may just agree. To know my husband is to know his complete laziness about most things & let's say he came home & never filed for divorce even knowing he had to pay money during the year I was in MD before I could actually file? Honestly, I do not want this to be difficult if it doesn't have to be. I am hoping for this to go as smooth as it can considering the situation. I want to begin working in MD if that is where I'll be living. Getting a job here to turn around and have to leave is not good & who would hire me knowing that I would only be there for a certain amount of time? This is why I want to start over in the state of MD where I will be living. Please understand even with a job, if I am not supported by my husband(if he refused to pay)I would in no way be able to afford a place of my own & supporting 2 children. There has to be options for me to be able to stay in MD, right? If he completely consents to me moving to MD, what would happen in that instance?
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elliesmom
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You would still need to get divorced in GA.
MD is very clear - you have to live there for a year. Neither of you have done that.
If I were you - I would not want to just trust him and move there and wait. Because if he files in GA the judge could (and probably would if he asked) order the children returned to GA. I would not bet my children that he wouldn't do that. He and his new shackup honey could end up with your kids.
The smart thing to do is get a job, get a lawyer, etc. Your kids are in school. A judge will not understand why you have no job. Take care of your affairs in GA and then move to MD and restart your life there. Divorce is a long a process unless everyone agrees and files the paperwork together. You need to be prepared in case he decides to be a pill. He could get a new girlfriend who thinks you deserve nothing and propels him to do all sorts of things.
Obviously yes - you would up and quit when your divorce is over and move to MD, but you have to eat in the mean time. The court will not look kindly upon someone who has no job and is not disabled or caring for a young (non-school aged) child. Your husband is an E-4 not the lottery. He gets to keep enough of his pay to support himself. He has to HELP you (not do it alone) support the kids.
My husbands divorce took 3 years. That is unusual, but you must consider that has a possiblity and plan your "for right now" accordingly. He is coming home in November - you need at LEAST one paycheck to get your own rental place. You have no time to waste here.
Talk to a GA lawyer. He may advise you that you can file in GA, move to MD, and come back for court depending on the strength of your case. Certainly allowing his family time with the kids would strengthen your position that a MD move would not alienate him from his kids.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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haventstartedyet
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Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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I thank you so much for your advice and info. Just a side note: I have never alienated him from our kids, he does that on his own. Living in the same household is like him not being here at all...he spends all of his time with his addiction of computer games & money spending like it's burning the largest hole in his pocket. The man has problems & would never be man enough to admit it, much less get help for it. Just a few of the many reasons we need to get out. Trust me, me moving with the children to MD will not be taking any time away from him seeing the kids...he never sees them anyway even when he is home. I believe he will be completely thrilled when we are gone and he can stick his 40 yr old head back into the computer screen undisturbed.
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DedicatedDad
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Even if he agrees to everything, it doesn't appear that you would get enough money to support the kids without working full time. If I understand you correctly, you have a teaching degree? Your starting pay should be easily higher than a E4. Your education will eliminate alimony, whether you work or not. Child support is based on guidelines, and your income doesn't play a part in GA. You could make $10,000/month, and CS would be the same. I plugged his income into a GA calculator, and his CS is around $575/month. His BAH, if lives on base will be reduced when divorced, but with BAH added, CS goes to around $750/month.
I plugged the same numbers into a MD calculator, where the CP's income is used, and the number was $515 without BAH and your income at $0, $630 with BAH, $425 if you are working without BAH, and $558 with.
The bottom line is you are probably going to get $425-$750 a month for support.
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DedicatedDad
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"When you say 'force your return' if he filed in GA...how would I be forced to return & why when I feel threatened by him...and again with nowhere to stay? Let's say he agreed to everything"
Just wanted to mention exactly what that means. The courts would not force you to return. They would order the children back to either live with you if you came back, or with him making him the custodial parent if you remained in MD, and they would live with him in GA.
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DedicatedDad
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Looking back at your other posts, I see you also have a MD DL, and pay taxes in MD. I'm not that familiar with some of the complexities of military divorces. You will need to see an attorney for clarification of your questions.
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Miranda
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Loc: North of Mexico
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[quote]Looking back at your other posts, I see you also have a MD DL, and pay taxes in MD. I'm not that familiar with some of the complexities of military divorces. You will need to see an attorney for clarification of your questions. [/quote]
No she does not need an attorney. She is a resident of GA as she has lived there and met the residency requirements of that state. It has nothing to do with taxes or DLs.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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DedicatedDad
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[quote][quote]Looking back at your other posts, I see you also have a MD DL, and pay taxes in MD. I'm not that familiar with some of the complexities of military divorces. You will need to see an attorney for clarification of your questions. [/quote]
No she does not need an attorney. She is a resident of GA as she has lived there and met the residency requirements of that state. It has nothing to do with taxes or DLs. [/quote]
I don't mean just for that individual question. There are many complexities considering he's military, she has high expectations for support, and she wants to be moved out of state before he gets back.
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haventstartedyet
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Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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You have been so helpful to me. I decided to step on it this morning & go around the base to talk to Legal/JAG. I have an appt. for Sept. 15th to come in, unless someone cancels, then they will call me to come in earlier & I believe the lady said I would be able to question an attorney at that time. I have a lot of papers to read here. I'm reading directly from the paper: There is no separation period necessary before filing for a divorce in this state. I have a definitive answer now to the question on where I absolutely must file & that is GA. The reason: 'If you are seeking alimony/c.s. from your spouse, the divorce must be filed in the spouse's state of residence in order to be enforceable'. This does not state that I need to remain here once it is filed...I will discuss that with the atty. at the time of the appt. In reference to the BAH, I've gotten different answers, but I wanted to state what it says in the 'information brief' pprwk: 'Family unit not residing in Gov't.Family Housing: The Soldier will provide financial support in an amount equial to the Soldier's BAH II-WITH to the family unit'..exact wording. There was one response that I would not be getting any BAH whatsoever, but from the wording in the pprwk., it sounds like I would be getting something(I will not be living in the house...I know if I was to continue living here in the house I would not get it). $425-$750 is quoted from above on the c.s. I used a calculator and got $623-$758 w/o BAH...with BAH is $883-$1075. Does anyone know how long soon 2 B X gets to live in the home before being moved to the barracks? Question about 'separation agreement'...This is not something that is required, but can be put in with court orders as long as both parties agree to that. If I were to personally write up my own 'SA', then sign it & send it to my husband to sign...will this be acceptable? I am reading that we both would have to sign it & be present for it to be notarized. Would there be an acception to this in my case or no? Thanks again everyone.
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haventstartedyet
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Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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On the schooling for teaching, I am still in the process of taking courses in order to obtain a 'teaching certificate'...this would not be a degree(I still have 6 more courses to go before I even reach the 'certificate' point). I could get a degree if I continued with many more courses & then I could get an Associates degree..Bachelors degree...then Masters. Teaching degrees take a bit of schooling as I am finding out pretty quickly.
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elliesmom
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As long as you are married he must support you - I think each service is slightly different, but the amount of BAH has been thrown out as a "rule of thumb" and there are others on here that can direct you to the exact citation. HOwever that stops once you file for divorce. When you file for divorce you will likely ask that the courts order him to support you/your children temporarily until the final order to take care of that problem.
There is absolutely no reason to go see JAG. That is a waste of time. They cannot do anything except refer you to a civilian attorney. They do not function as regular lawyers. They have a specific job and that is to defend/prosecute someone under the UCMJ. The UCMJ does not deal with divorce - only the conduct of military members. Call a civilian attorney. Make an appointment for a consult. I would expect to pay a minimum of $500 to retain an attorney.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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Ok..the BAH stops once I file. Now I understand.
And skip JAG & just move on to the atty...I will be on the phone tomorrow for sure. I'll report back afterwards.
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Miranda
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You have an appt with JAG on Jan 15th? Why in January?
I agree with EM the JAG cannot do a thing for you. You need to see a civilian attorney and divorce is a civil matter.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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haventstartedyet
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Posts: 117
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Sorry..Jan. on the brain for some strange reason. I went back and edited that post to say Sept.
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Redlegg
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Jag cannot give you legal advice on a matter that does not involve the Government chargin a member or defending him. What JAG can do is explain the laws, and certain regulations. Depending on where you are stationed, you may be living in housing, and getting BAH, and they are taking it right back. The whole new privtization thing has changed a few things. Some installations do allow single soldiers to live in housing. I am guessing an E4 would not qualify. Unless you talk to the Army, they will never know you are not living there. The reality is that as long as you are married, you are entitled to the BAH if you are seperated. Filing for divorce or not. He is entitled because he is married, you are also entitled. He receives a BAH/housing or the equivalent. The way it works is that he has a set of quarters, for his family, that is your entitlement until he vacates. They will not make him hand you a check, and maintain housing, that is two entitlements. Since he is deployed, I can imagine you have POA, use it and vacate housing, or at least find out what it takes. If JAG will not educate you on the regulations pertaining to family support, there are other resources, the MOS library, or education center will help. His residency, it just depends on what he has done with it. States do not generally make you give up residency due to military service. What you really need to do is talk to an attorney in MD as well, and find out the laws there. No sense guessing. The date of divorce is the date that BAH changes, his status determines that. The only way around the BAH issue is if you have an order of support. In the absence of a court order, the spouse is entitled to the entire BAH. There are certain exceptions, I have not seen you mention any that would qualify.
There are a couple of thigns you need to do. Educate yourself on his responsibilities through the Army, talk to a lawyer locally, and one in Maryland.
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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I do have POA...as a matter of fact tomorrow I am going over to get copies of his LES's for the last year of so, just so I have a basis to see where his income is before deployment & during because his income will drop once he's back(I have to do it this way because he has changed the MyPay pswds. & will not tell me what they are & I can no longer access the LES's myself online(I could get them before he changed the pswd.'s because of POA for those that want to start hollering about that)...of course, this just shows me he is really hiding his spending from me & who knows what else). Alright, so now it sounds like I can get BAH as long as we are still married & not divorced. Redlegg, thank u for clearing up a bit of the confusion I had over the BAH issue. I had been reading all over this site about the BAH which is what made me ask in the first place. I seriously was unaware of being able to get that. In ref. to the BAH, do I need to speak to his commander about that to be sure it's enforced? I have never spoken to my husband's 'higher-ups' & I have no intention of getting him into any kind of trouble or bashing him or what have you? I will be visiting the housing office to let them know I intend to vacate by the end of the month(should I do that?). Without letting anyone here know I'm leaving, how would anyone know to give me the BAH? I know for a fact if I informed my husband of the BAH thing, he will not voluntarily give me the money even if he knows he is supposed to...it will need to be enforced another way. I just need to know who do I talk to to make sure that it goes the way it is supposed to? Thanks again.
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Miranda
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Loc: North of Mexico
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As long as you have the house you will not get BAH, and BAH will likely not be started til 30 after HE clears housing. I don't even know if you can give up his house while he is deployed.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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I think you may be running into further trouble, as from what you wrote, it can be inferred you plan to leave to MD before he ever gets back. As explained before, he will have the ability to initiate the divorce in GA, and the children will be ordered back.
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finz
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[quote]Sorry..Jan. on the brain for some strange reason. I went back and edited that post to say Sept. [/quote]
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Do you mean October ?
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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Yes finz, I meant Oct....I hadn't flipped the calendar & it was sitting on Sept...woopsy...plus I'm really flustered right now...I'm sure that has something to do with it, too.
My plan is to initiate the divorce in GA, then go back to MD by the end of this month. In the original initiation, I'm going to put in there that I want my husband to agree not to have the children ordered back to GA. He will not want the children back for any reason, esp. if they've been withdrawn from their GA school & enrolled in thier new MD school. Does this sound like something I could do?
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Miranda
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No, you cannot force him to agree with that. If he does it willingly then so be it, but he absolutely does not have to agree to it.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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matart1
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there is a gross misconception that you can go just walk into JAG or base legal and get information.
save yourself the time and money and speak to a civilian lawyer.
whether it is base legal or Jag - they are just going to tell you that they cannot help you and refer you to check the yellow pages for a lawyer. they cannot give you information or even assist you in the capacity that you are trying to seek. they will tell your husband the same thing and he is the military member.
it will be up to the judge what allowances will be considered as income for cs or alimony. right now your husband can be protected with the SSRA. he also has the right to request custody and to maintain that the child resides in the state you both are living in right now.
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haventstartedyet
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Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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I understand my husband has rights when it comes to the children, but he won't argue me taking them to MD, this is a guarantee. He will in no way request custody. I'm not trying to force him to agree to this, I already know he just will not have an issue with it. How could he argue what is best for the children? He knows what is best & that is me. I just got back home from doing something that has to do with one of the courses I'm taking...so now I open the phone book & see what I can find out. Thanks everyone...back in a bit. I'm still wondering about the BAH & who do I talk to about it? Will the lawyer deal with that, too?
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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OMG..I was having a free consultation over the phone...& they said they could help me...for $3500 as the initial fee. Once I told her I would never be able to pay that considering my situation, she was in a hurry to get me off the phone. I will keep calling. That is just insane.
Called another who asked me 'what's the difference between a military divorce and a regular divorce'? Uh...good-bye.
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Miranda
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There is no such thing as a military divorce. You need to understand that. Divorce is a civil matter and $3500 retainer is pretty normal of a fee.
Ask about fees for uncontested divorces.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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When you say retainer, does that mean there could more fees than just that? Retainer only means that I am retaining this atty.'s services...but there could be additional costs, right?
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Miranda
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Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Yes. They bill by the hour and take from the retainer. When it is used up you pay more. I figured I spent about 12K on legal fees in the last ten years.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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[quote]Called another who asked me 'what's the difference between a military divorce and a regular divorce'? Uh...good-bye. [/quote]
Uh yeah she asked because there is no such thing as military divorce. No difference. Divorce is divorce and divorce is civil.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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The average contested divorce with children costs about $60K ($30K each) nowadays.
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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Here's the thing, if he contests, that will be money out of his pocket as well. I don't think he's willing to lose more money over the divorce. I'll make sure he knows the figures on if things are contested. I just don't think he'll want to go that route. I sure hope not. He has no savings whatsoever..which is why I've said he spends any extra money there's ever been. At 40 & still has no idea about money.
If there is no difference w/divorcing a military member, then why does it seem most suggestions are for me to get an atty. & not try to do it ourselves? I am truly hoping he will not contest(It would be in his best interest not to). I've actually looked at this site & what forms they have & wonder if that is an option for me?
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Are you being obtuse or are you really that clueless about this process? It is always better to have an attorney for a divorce case. DUH!It has nothing to do with being a military member.
Would you defend yourself on a murder trial without an attorney? No. Is it easier to get SSDI with an attorney. Yes. That is the way the legal system works. People need to fund this billion dollar industry and the legal system makes it difficult for people to succeed WITHOUT AN ATTORNEY. PERIOD.
Edited by Miranda (10/05/10 09:24 PM)
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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Actually, I was being acute. Let me just say this, I do not have O.J. money for a great or even a remotely good lawyer...if I hadn't already made that clear...but I am gonna get busy pulling blood from a stone. I do not compare this to a murder trial at all...I truly don't want it to come to that. And if you must know, I am so utterly clueless about the process, hence why I'm here. I don't get divorced all the time & I'm not a lawyer, nor do I know any that could clue me in. So making me out to be some idiot is fine with me. I asked for help here..I think I got what I came for. Forgive my stupidity, but I don't know what SSDI stands for...I suppose that's another thing that deserves a DUH! Thanks a lot.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6495
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SSDI is social security disability. It doesn't apply to your situation, Miranda was just using it as another example of people who get better results with using an attorney than doing it on their own.
You can file for divorce and do the whole process without an attorney. People do it all the time. It's easier when there are no assets or debts to argue over and no children to provide for. It's also easier if you have a basic understanding of all of the issues that need to be addressed.....which, I'm sorry to say, doesn't seem like you have. I'm here learning too. I understand it's hard when you have no prior experience, but that's exactly why a lawyer might be needed.
You should read through the mediation forum too. That would probably be a cheaper alternative, but still give you someone with some legal experience guiding the process.
I understand what you are saying about your stbx not wanting custody and I saw your other thread that he has approved your move, but are you positive he will still be aggreeable to that when he finds out how much child support he will be paying ?
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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I wanted to update what is happening right now. I am still in GA with the intention of heading to MD in just a few days from now.(That hasn't changed). I have since filed divorce papers to include a statement that stbx will not now or in the future force me to bring the children back to GA...we have settled on a 1/2way meeting point between MD & GA for the drop-off & pick-up of the children.(Honestly I don't know how often stbx will want to do that, but he is agreeing). He has all of the papers in his hands now...I was allowed to scan all papers & email them to him(it was quite a job, but I did it). Here's the thing...this was on the 13th(Wednesday) & it's now Sunday. He is now wanting me to cut back the monthly CS by $40 dollars...I am willing to make that change. He wants me to cut back the alimony amount by $100 a month...I will also make this change. I will most likely end up at the courthouse tomorrow to see the clerk I filed my papers with to make these changes & have it notarized (I left the clerk a message to let her know that I need to make these 2 changes in order for my stbx to agree to sign the papers). I hope this will not be a difficult thing to fix...I just want to move on. There has been no attorney involved in any of this...I want to state that it can be done even with a military divorce...if both parties can reach an agreement on everything. I will not say this has been easy...I was in the clerks office 3 times so far & the 3rd time was when I was told I could email my stbx. Tomorrow may be a 4th time I have to go there. BTW..it was over $200 just for me to file for divorce. For someone that doesn't have a lot of money that can be pretty steep.(another $50 if u want to have the sheriff serve the papers...I didn't so I didn't have to pay that). Here's another thing...my stbx is not happy about any of the numbers, but I didn't really expect him to be. His situation is going change quite a bit, but he has alluded to having a gf that is going to move to GA to be with him...and u know what I have to say to that...I feel sorry for her already! Now...after I find out what I have to do tomorrow...I will come back and post.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Where did you come up with these alimony and child support figures?
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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The alimony I came up with on my own...and is way less than I deserve. The child support was done online in a program that I was required to use when I filed for divorce, so it is completely accurate.
UPDATE: I moved to MD over a month ago. My STBX has returned to GA as of Nov. 18. He has not signed the papers for divorce and when I sent them all to him, apparantly he'd been talking to god-knows-who and now has decided not to sign any papers. Now that he is back, I'm not sure what he is going to do. Seems to me he may try to file. Right now, he is supposed to have given me support of $699 a month..and as of Dec. 1 this will be 2 payments of $699. The $699 is a support figure that the military comes up with. They have talked to him about this & he told them he would pay, but he told me he won't pay until he knows what his financial situation is. Whatever...he knows better than anyone what his financial situation...long story short...I have rcv'd no support whatsoever. I have called his commander a couple times to let him know that STBX hasn't paid anything & his reasoning. I am told that stbx doesn't have to pay anything because they can't force him to pay, they can only talk to him about supporting his family. I've talked to him one time since he's been back, but he did not mention anything about what he intends to do in ref. to the divorce. Like I said, he won't sign the papers that I filed...and I've called the court to check on to see if he did send the papers back in & he hasn't. This leads me to believe he may file on his own, but I don't know. Right now...everything is up in the air...and I feel like he is playing games & will play games as long as he can get away with.
I do have a question. Since I filed for divorce, but he is refusing to sign the papers...can he now be served by the sheriff since he is home back in GA now?
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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The other question I have is:
Is there a way I can get a temporary order of support and who do I go through to do this? (Domestic Relations?) If he is refusing to sign papers and has yet to send any money & I truly believe he won't ever send any until he is required to, I'm wondering what I can do now in order to start rcv'ng some type of support for our children. Thanks for any help.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Someone should have filed for divorce. You need to file TOMORROW in GA, you can fax file, and in your motion ask for support for you and the children. Then have him served. There will be court date though in GA.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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Miranda...
Hi. I have filed for divorce...all papers are filed for divorce and notarized at the GA courthouse. When stbx was deployed, I emailed all the paperwork & he was able to print it out. It would have been very simple if he would have just signed the papers since everything in them we had previously agreed on, but he has since chosen not to sign anything. I now believe he is completely playing games & I need a leg to stand on so that I can get support for our children. Since I have already filed for divorce, but stbx is refusing to sign anything & mail it back, I need to know if I can have him served because I'm assuming that he would have to return the papers to court either signed or something stating he contests what I had in the papers. In the meantime, since I have filed, I am wanting to know if he can be served and how I can go about getting some support. Would I call the GA court?..or is there paperwork I can fax to them to start some support payments from my stbx?
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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You would have to either file antoher motoion or ammend the current motion. I don't how you filed while he was in Iraq since there is usually only a 30 period in which a person can answer to the filing.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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haventstartedyet
member
Reged: 10/01/10
Posts: 117
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He had less than 30 days before he returned when he got the paperwork. It would basically have been a simple matter of a few signatures & a couple notarized papers & they could have been mailed back to the courthouse. That's the part I don't get. He would be past the 30 days at this point.
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