NOVAguy
recently joined
Reged: 10/13/10
Posts: 1
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I am not sure what to expect or where to start. Here are the details: married well over 20 years, 2 kids but over 18 and in college. Wife works, and as of a couple months ago, actually makes a few $k more than me. I do have more in my 401k. The house would sell today pretty much at a break even. Some debt, and student loan debt to put kids in school.
So... final detail is that I'm the cheater. I found someone 6 months ago (who is also married) and we've decided to be together. She doesn't reside in VA so I don't know her state laws. My wife does not know about affair. If we decide to file, in VA, is there any financial penalty (alimony) if spouses make roughly the same (or wife makes slightly more) if I am found out to be the cheater? If I don't admit anything upfront, can we still file no fault? If it comes out later during the proceedings, does that really screw me?
Thanks.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3028
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Well, first of all, if you live in VA, that's where you file.
In my experience in a VA court, there is usually no punitive penalty for adultery. It IS however, grounds for divorce. I wouldn't think that a judge would ORDER spousal support, due to the similarity of your incomes.
What will you do if your wife wants to keep her home? She's entitled to half of what's in your 401 that was accumulated during the marriage. Debts can be split and should be split, according to each person's income level. You CAN file no fault, if both of you agree to file that way.
And since you're the one that wants the divorce, in my opinion, you should pay for it, especially considering the circumstances.
You do realize that what you're doing is somewhat perilous, don't you? Right now, your and your......GF.....DON'T live in the same location, the fact that it's an affair makes it even more attractive and exciting and you know that will wear off over time, right? What you're doing is destroying two families with your own selfishness.
I don't see that as the right thing to do simply because you **found** someone else -- but, in VA, you've got to be willing to give and take -- you might want to give her the house in exchange for your 401 remaining untouched by her and figure out a way to pay the debts that you have.
If you try and divorce her and do NOT expect resistance, you are sadly mistaken.
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