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Reged: 10/15/10
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It's still a struggle
      #698388 - 10/16/10 09:18 PM

We had just had our second baby. He was two months old at the time. Then, his dad dies. He became a raging alcoholic. He started talking to another woman, moved out and filed for divorce all with in 3 months. He moved in with her and then was a complete jerk. He would make comments about how sex with her was so much better. How I was a terrible wife. Meanwhile, he wanted me to satisfy sexual favors for him. I was a mess!

We did have a rough year. I was pregnant, had tons of pregnant lady issues. I was a bear! I won't lie. When our son was born, he would cry a lot. That made life a little stressful.

It has been a little over six months since the divorce was final. It's still hard to deal with. I have a lot of anger towards this man. I started a new job about a month ago. He calls me up and tells me that he wouldn't allow me to work downtown because it's just not safe. I think, wow, he does care. Then he doesn't talk to me for two weeks. He plays mind games and it hurts. I want to cut off all ties with him so I can get over him but with children, that is impossible. I know I deserve better. Just needed to get that out.

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Reged: 06/17/08
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Re: It's still a struggle [Re: lynnramsoto]
      #698455 - 10/17/10 03:01 AM

I'm sorry that you've been through the wringer. I can't imagine the emotional upheaval of a surprise divorce when your on the emotional rollercoaster of being post partum and not getting sleep.

I'm assuming the way he bolted that you have primary custody. Does he see the kids often ?

You do deserve better......hopefully with time your emotional bind to him will loosen.

No offense, but he sounds like a self centered a$$ ! Maybe he saw a side of you that he didn't like when you were being mommabear dealing with pregnancy issues, but you wait it out and deal with everything after everyone gets used to the new baby. The world doesn't revolve around his dipstick !

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Reged: 10/15/10
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Re: It's still a struggle [Re: finz]
      #698529 - 10/17/10 10:17 AM

Yes, I do have primary custody. He has them approximately 45 percent of the time. He is a good dad. I thought he was a good husband too. I keep feeling sorry for him. I keep thinking, he went through the loss of his father and that's what made him jump. I've lost a parent too and I know how painful it can be but I couldn't imagine leaving my family because of it. I want to move on but I think about how badly he hurt me every day all day. It's been six months! I need to get over it! He doesn't deserve my time in thoughts. I tried to start dating immediately after he left. In hindsight, it was obviously stupid. I've recently stopped looking for that replacement. I know I have work to do on myself in order to be the best parent I can. My kids deserve my time more than anything. It's just so hard. I keep thinking, he has help now and I don't. I'm doing this alone while him and her live in a nice house with nice things and two hefty incomes. I live in an apartment with a fraction of their incomes. I'm looking for a second job just to get through Christmas. I have no family and barely any friends. The friends I did have were his friends. Obviously, they took sides which is fine. They weren't true friends to begin with. I just have to stop feeling angry and sorry for myself and be strong. I guess that's why I came to this forum in the first place. I love the support I've seen on other posts. I'm making a future commitment to be there for others that are going through this because I know I'll survive this. I have no other choice.

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Re: It's still a struggle [Re: lynnramsoto]
      #698530 - 10/17/10 10:20 AM


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Reged: 09/27/10
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Re: It's still a struggle [Re: lynnramsoto]
      #702812 - 10/31/10 12:34 PM

wow you place a lot of blame on yourself. You sound like a great person and its understandable to have different emotions going on during your pregnancy. I agree with finz in that your ex does seem very self centered. I feel for his loss but thats no excuse to ignore and push away the living.
It does take time to get over someone emotionally, especially when you have to see them a bunch. However, just keep your focus on moving forward and on your children. I wish the best for you and keep staying strong and remember you are not alone.

Pls. visit me at and pick up:
"30 Day Program to Heal Your Broken Heart"

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