philivey
member
Reged: 11/10/09
Posts: 126
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I am trapped by guilt in an unhappy marriage that is filled with arguing and fighting. For instance, last night, an issue arose while we were laying in bed. She poked me in the shoulder 4 times then slapped me while I lay defenseless half asleep. I am trying to figure out a way through the guilt. The situation and circumstances are bad. We share a 4 month year old, and a 12-year old step daughter. We are living with my parents. My parents sort of enable the abuse and act as "referee's" in the whole ordeal. My parents have to constantly talk to my wife and my father is constantly bring "self-help" material to my wife.
My wife doesn't want to work. We are on government programs just to remain afloat and remain somewhat independent.
I really want my wife out of the house and into a job working but unfortunelty her last job was as a stripper and that job is acceptable while a member of the household. She is too pridefull to get a "normal job" and is just waiting it out until she is eligable for alimony because she barely has a high school diploma and thinks her best option is to let me save up my money in the joint checking, take half, plus pension "alimony".
I am fearfull of this and want it to stop immediatly.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3028
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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And you're concerned that your stepdaughter doesn't want to act as some kind of sponsor to your infant?
I'm thinking that you have more important things to worry about like getting OFF my tax paid programs, into your OWN premises and OUT of your parents house.
The longer you wait to end this charade, the more your wife will get out of it -- and if you're working for a place that lets you save money, put money into a pension program, etc? You have no NEED for any government program.
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philivey
member
Reged: 11/10/09
Posts: 126
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" into your OWN premises and OUT of your parents house. "
You are completely naive. That would cause me to be even MORE selfish because with a family of 4 I would need more resources from the government i.e. Government Housing, Heating Assistance, Gas Assistance, Phone Bills Assistance and possible the help of a food pantry. I only made about 25,000 as a substitute teacher. I do have a need for government programs.
My wife really won't get that out of this whole ordeal anyways. I would have to make more money, which I don't. I don't even have money in savings.
Yes I am concerned about my step-daughter. She did however step up and sponsor the baby though.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3028
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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The only way that your situation will stop is if you put an end to it.
When you speak of utilities assistance, to the best of my knowledge those are programs administered through the utilities themselves. Phone? Get a prepaid cell and use it for emergencies only.
Pick a side of the fence and stay on it.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Beach,
A WOMAN complaining about someone on gov't assistance ? What the heck is the difference between that and all the women demanding alimony ?
Oh, wait, only the men pay alimony, eh ?
--------------------
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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amazing
member
Reged: 09/18/09
Posts: 166
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eh' maybe the man worked while the woman took care of the kids... And control set in.... eh'
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3028
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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yregna -- I have NEVER taken spousal support from either of my husbands, not even the father of my children. I have NEVER received nor have I sought an increase in child support since 1993.
I can only speak for myself, obviously --
And why shouldn't I complain about someone on government assistance? If you read some of this guy's other posts, he needs a gym to lose 40 pounds but only makes 25K per year. Last I heard, a gym really isn't essential to life and walking is FREE.
On this one, you're talking to the wrong person I don't believe that only men should pay spousal support, I consider it a gender neutral issue. I don't think that you could find, in the entire 7 plus years that I've been posting, anything remotely resembling me saying that only men should pay and only women should receive spousal support.
I'm an ER nurse, remember? I see perfectly healthy people, capable of working, in my ER for stupid crap all day long. I'm tired of supporting morons like this one -- and every other one that I come in contact with.
I work hard, I went to school without any financial help from anyone, I raised my kids and I have the things I want. WITHOUT spousal support and WITHOUT any form of government assistance.
On this one? You're dead wrong in that assessment.
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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From what i am am gathering from your post, your wife wants a divorce, is this correct??
Your wife is to proud to have a normal job, but being a stripper is up to her high standards?
I am also wondering, why arent you working to support your family? You have a 4 month old baby to take care of.
I really dont understand how you are getting any type of government assist. ? I live in the USA, and its very hard to get government help here.
Why are you living with your parents, if i may ask?
If your wife is abusing you and your parents are just making things worse, why dont you move out? Let them live with all of the dysfunction!!!!
It seems to me that you are being a doormat,and allowing it. I understand how it is to feel beaten down. Its time to stand up for your rights, and act like a husband. Im sorry to be so harsh, but you are allowing her to upset the whole family.
I wish the best to you!!!!!
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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Just another note, if you dont make enough money, you may have to work 2 jobs!!!! We do what we have to, to survive in this world. I am disabled and in a retirement home, no money. I wish i could get government assist.
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philivey
member
Reged: 11/10/09
Posts: 126
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In the deepest asoteric sense you are wrong, absolutely wrong because even if you don't realize it you are getting help. Even if you were supported by a homeless shelter or lived on the street you ignorant.
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philivey
member
Reged: 11/10/09
Posts: 126
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you are just another ignorant.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3028
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Dude, I NEVER lived in a homeless shelter nor have I EVER lived on the street. I am far from ignorant. The only financial assistance, if you can call it that, is child support for my two children.
I took no loans, I worked overtime, not only to feed, clothe and house my children but to go to SCHOOL. I GRADUATED. I purchased my home, purchase my own vehicles, purchase what I want for my children and myself -- I'm not sure where you get the idea that I EVER took a handout from the government.
You, however? You need a gym to lose weight -- tried walking or jogging? It's FREE. You sponge off your parents, you sponge off every taxpayer out here yet you want to spend money foolishly.
My post was intended to answer yregna -- not you. I KNOW what I did to get ahead in life -- and it doesn't even remotely resemble what you do. I don't believe your BS stories and whining, I believe that you have no interest in doing for yourself to raise your standard of living. I don't think you ever want your parents to stop paying your way and I don't believe your stories of **abuse** by your wife.
And just as an aside it's Esoteric, not Asoteric --
Ignorant? Me? I think not. Perhaps a mirror would tell you who's ignorant.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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lol
You go girl !
What is it with teachers in California and their inability to spell ?
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3028
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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I'm not sure finz, spelling is really important to me and it reflects how you want people to see you -- to me it connotes intelligence and caring about your appearance in writing. I'm one of those geeks that can spot typos in novels....**sigh**
In any event, I see people like this one EVERY SINGLE DAY. Able bodied, not having anything physically disabling, that don't want or choose not to work. I find it interesting that every time someone is on the dole, they assume that everyone has taken from the system.
I have not. The only thing I EVER qualified for when my children were younger was reduced price lunch for my kids. They thought that eating at school was a treat and I couldn't afford it. I only took it AFTER I was assured that their lunch cards didn't look any different from the other kids -- different color, etc. So they ate breakfast and lunch at school many times during the month and it was less total cost to me.
Like I said, I don't believe one single word of this person's story -- I know the economy is bad but h*ll, if you have to, you work two jobs, you do what you have to to stay OFF the government if you have ANY pride.
I'll also say that the people that use the programs properly do NOT stay on them forever. Note I said PROPERLY. This guy lives with his parents, wants to join a gym when walking or running is free, takes from every program the government has and wants sympathy?
Yeah, that's located between s hit and syphilis in the dictionary and that's the ONLY place it's located. He's got multiple posts on multiple topics all over the boards and none of them make sense. On another board right now, he's claiming that the **abuse** that he suffers has made him develop bipolar disorder and how will that affect his chances at child custody.
The man's an idiot plain and simple -- and I'm glad that my kids didn't go through the CA school system if this is how the teachers speak and spell.
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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You and your wife need to get out and get jobs. Even if it requires you to work 2 jobs. Get where you can stand on your own 2 feet and stop relying on others.
You are a grown man who made a family. Suck it up and work.
McDOnalds, WalMart, doesn't matter where. When I was oging to college, I had 3 jobs. No social life, but I didn't have to depend on anyone.
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philivey
member
Reged: 11/10/09
Posts: 126
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So, I should just suck it up and not go to college to increase the chance of me getting a better job. According to you all I should go work at Wal-Mart or McDonalds and get 5 jobs and work them non-stop and die. F U ALL. I am in college getting my master's in special education. The moment I graduate, 2 more years, I will get paid 35,000. I am a substitute teacher who only makes about 20,000-25,000 annually. We live with my parents and trust me it's bare bones. We don't have enough money to have cable tv or even a tv. I don't have the internet. I don't have enough money to even get toilet paper at times and need to get a roll for free from the gas station or from school. I have to hustle for just about everything. I just dropped $65 on huggies. My budget is maxed out with NO SOCIAL/NO ENTERTAINMENT budgeted in. What? I am using welfare to get that Master's and work my way up the salary table. My wife could go to school too and that would require child care that subsidized by the government. You know where they want to put subsidized childcare???? In urban neighborhoods. You all act like getting subsidized childcare is the BOMB DIGGITY and I'm would be living the high-life in the hamptons. I didn't have very supportive parents starting off in life and have struggled getting them engaged now. Suck it up and work, so ignorant. I work everyday. I DID YOU ALL A FAVOR AND YOU SHOULD ALL THANK ME FOR GETTING MARRIED AND USING A LITTLE GOVT HELP.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3028
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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And your gym membership? Who's paying for that?
And may I suggest a career change? If with a Master's degree, you'll only be making 35K a year? Not worth it in my book. With an associates degree I make more than TWICE that amount.
Huggies? Don't have anymore children. You in the public library using the internet? Or in another room in your parent's house?
How about your wife goes to school on a schedule OPPOSITE yours? Things worth it require sacrifice.
I never had to take ANYTHING from the government to go to school, I WORKED and EARNED my money for school, without taking loans and without any family support AT ALL.
Cry me a river, loser.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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You steal toilet paper from gas stations and school ?
Ugh. You are a piece of crap, no need to wipe it off......
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scaredwoman
newbie
Reged: 10/18/10
Posts: 27
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amd I thought I would learn something, lol. philivey, get real and quit wasting our time, although this did make good potty reading! I agree, get a job!!!! And quit whining!!!
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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SO, you are buying brand name diapers? Really? $65 on diapers? What about cloth or WalMart brand? Imake okay money, but I rarely used name brand diapers. They catch excrement, for heavens sake.
Subsidized child care is available all over. My DD goes to a great preschool. SOme of the kids have subsidized childcare. Unless you are on the board of directors, you don't have any idea btw.
You may want to reevaluate your Master's degree. You are correct in saying that is all you will make. Rethink your desire for this career if you really want to be able to raise your family and have a stay at home wife. An MBA or an Engineering degree would bring more $$$ home.
I plan to teach pre-school when I retire. I wanted to be a music teacher at one point until I realized I can't raise a fmaily on that salary.
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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Sorry to but in, but i would love to know how to get Gov. assistance.... i live in the USA, and my annual income is way under ten thousand a year. I am on disability and am not able to work. I have recently moved into a retirement home at age 52. I have a disease that will progressivly kill me.
I even received a letter saying that i was living %165 below poverty level. Problem is, i am going through a divorce. Im sure they will take in account his income. that is why i have not tried for assistance.
Im sure i will have to wait untill the divorce is final. I just dont understand how a family can live with parents and still get assistance??? I guess that is my question.
There are ways to survive, even if you have to eat beans and rice every day, which i do, luckily i love beans!!!!
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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Are you calling me ignorant???? This retirement home is not government run my dear. There is no help here as it is private. Im sure you did not realize that. Also, there is no reason to call others names, you are the one who started this thread so you will get other peoples opinions. I guess you have to be a mature person, not to call others names.
Maybe that is your problem!!!!! Ever thought about that.?
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Don't worry connie - everyone's ignorant who doesn't tell him what he wants to hear.
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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Thank you Mrs B. I just think that calling names is very immature. That could be the reason he is in his situation.
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