PitBullLover
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/10
Posts: 6
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My husband and I have been in a rough patch in our marriage. It has been an on and off thing for quite some time now. Argueing, name calling, acqusations, etc, etc. I'm sure a lot of you know the same type story. Well, I see us heading for divorce. We have been married for 36 years so I'm sure you understand why it is hard to just give up. But to be honest, I just can't live like this anymore. We have one child (son) who is 25, married with his own family so there are no support issues there. We have a house which we bought together, a travel trailer, and three vehicles (all in his name). He works for the Dept of Defense and so did I, but I retired 3 years ago. We don't have much debt, however, our credit is not that great due to when our son was 17 got into trouble over drugs and we had to spend most of our money on legal fees. During that time, things went to the devil in a handbasket so to speak, along with our credit rating. He spent 4 years in prison but since he came home has turned his life around and is doing wonderful. My concerns are if we do head to divorce court will I have to move out of the house until it is sold or would he move out? I would prefer to stay in the house since he makes more than I do because he is still working and all I have is retirement. I am not sure I would want to keep the house and I understand he would be entitled to half the proceeds when the house is sold. However, what about if I decide to buy him out, do some upgrades and then sell? The house is too big for one person. And to be honest I would prefer to move to a condo. As far as I am concerned there is no battle over anything. I just want out and live a peaceful life. As for the camper, it is paid for and I do not want it. As for the vehicles he said he was selling all but one. It is my understanding that he cannot leave me without a vehicle. Does that mean he would have to buy me one or give me funds to purchase one? I know he has a considerable sum of money in his accounts (we have separate accounts)and I do not have much in mine. We divide the household bills and have been for about 20 years. He also have a few CDs. Would he have to share them? I want this to be as simple as possible. I don't want to argue/fight over anything but I also don't want the short end of the stick. If I moved out of the house prior to the divorce, would that hurt my case? I would have to live with either my son and family or a friend as until everything is settled, I couldn't afford to pay rent. If anyone has any advice on this, please respond. Thanks.
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d2njti
member
Reged: 03/05/08
Posts: 187
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There are some variations state to state, but in general other than inheritance, everything acquired during the marriage (36 years, I'm guessing that's everything) is considered marital property owned equally by both spouses, regardless of who's name is on the account or asset. Houses, cars, bank accounts, pensions, mortgages, credit card debt, all are owned equally. Add up the total of all assets and liabilities and each is entitled to half. Take the list of stuff and start assigning it his and hers depending upon who really wants it and can accomplish things like upkeep or qualifying for a new mortgage in their name. When you get to the end of the easy decisions, start negotiating. The more you can come to agreement on, the less time and $ your attorneys will spend arguing for you.
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PitBullLover
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/10
Posts: 6
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That's what I thought. Now, next issue....if we agree that the house be sold, can I stay in the house until the sale? The house is not paid for. I am retired and have a pension that is decent. If I make the payments and take care of the upkeep does that come into play during the division of proceeds from the house? The house does need some work which brings me to the idea of trying to refi just to buy him out. There is plenty of equity in the house and I could borrow enought extra ($10,000 +/-) to make the repairs and my payment would be lower than it is now. Plus I would not have to deal with him during the divorce.
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d2njti
member
Reged: 03/05/08
Posts: 187
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You can do anything that you both agree to. If he's smart, he'll ask you to pay rent and put some parameters on the length of time, required upkeep, and offers that must be accepted. That way you will have incentive to not stay there living on the cheap. One of you buying out the other is always a cleaner option - no loose ends to be misunderstood at a later date. You of course need to come up with half of the equity and be able to qualify for the new mortgage.
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crossurbridge
journeyman
Reged: 10/26/10
Posts: 58
Loc: Monument, CO
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Excellent book which will help you answer ALL of your questions...10 Keys: A Woman's Guide For Navigating a Successful Financial Divorce available on Amazon... applies to men too!
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Meredith Bromfield
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PitBullLover
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/10
Posts: 6
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Why would I be stupid enough to agree to pay him rent when I am making the house payments? That would mean he even though he would have to rent a place, but I would be paying him rent plus the house payment. He in turn gets enough to cover his rent and is living rent free. Not going to happen if I can help it.
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