MJenkins
enthusiast
Reged: 10/07/10
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This isn't a divorce related question, but it's hard to google information on this topic when marriage isn't involved.
My bf lives with me, and has his daughter every other weekend. I adore her, and we get along great. I do NOT try to replace her mother, but I DO care for her when she's in my home. (cooking, cleaning, diaper changes). My bf and I are NOT sexual around her. We're extremely responsible, and our time spent with his child is always positive. Her mother doesn't know he resides with me, we've never met and I avoid her at all costs to keep the peace. (She's shown herself to be jealous and though she's passive agressive, she does look me up on social networking sites.) She's unaware of our homelife, and we've found it's best that way. She gives him enough trouble as it is.
Recently we attended a formal event at night (without his daughter of course) in which pictures were taken of us together, celebrating. The photographer uploaded the pics to his website, and my bf's bm saw them. It's been well over 2 years since they were together or intimate on ANY level, however she claims she was hurt. She hasn't formally threatened yet, but I have a strong feeling she's going to persue a morality clause that would effect our living situation. Would a judge grant that to her? Would she have to proove my character to be negative, or a danger to her child? 
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DedicatedDad
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Morality clauses, although I mostly agree with them, are difficult to enforce. More importantly, it would be very difficult to have one added a couple years after a divorce. It really needed to be addressed then, and be in the decree.
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MJenkins
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That's just it...they were never married. So Could she come in all willy nilly and add it, just because she doesn't want us together? Currently she doesn't know that he's moved in...but seeing the pics alone was enough to get her riled up. If she knew the big picture, I'm sure she'd cause a mess.
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finz
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She had sex with him and had a child out of wedlock.
The 'purpose' of adding the no cohabitation clause to CO's for child custody is to make sure the child is not exposed to behavior that is at odds with their prior moral upbringing.
That horse is out of the barn......ignore BM
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Avaya
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Quote:
....but I have a strong feeling she's going to persue a morality clause....
Chances are, you are worrying yourself over nothing. Many of us have been on the loooooonnnnng road of 'what if' and run ourselves ragged over something the other parent never considered or took seriously. We see specks as HUGE obstacles and worry ourselves over them when they're just nothing; you're just letting her take up space in your head over nothing. Cross that bridge when/if you get to it and not before. You're going to consider every scenario and eventually you're going to treat BM how you would IF she DID do those 'what if's' and you'll damage the relationship before it even starts.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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MrsB
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How long have the two of you been together? Just curious.
Some judges and states could order a no-cohabitation clause. This doesn't mean you can't live together - but it means you can't be spending the night under the same roof **on days he has his child**.
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MJenkins
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Thank you all for your responses. We've been together a year and half. He waited 2 or 3 months into the relationship to let me meet his daughter. The reason I worried, was because she recently said, "We need to talk. I'll call later...I'm waiting to hear back from my lawyer."
She hasn't said anything since, but I'm almost positive she's up to something.
I will however take a break from the worrying as you've suggested.
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MrsB
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I agree with not worrying until you know what it is. How long have you two been living together?
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MJenkins
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We've been living together for a year. It's actually MY apt, though when this lease is up, we intend to get another place with both of our names on the lease.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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MrsB
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How old is his child? I would think, depending on where you live and what te standard laws are like there, that since you can prove it isn't detrimental to the child and you've been doing it for a year already, she wouldn't have much of a case. Especially if there is no CO stating that he can't cohabitate. Do they have a CO?
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MJenkins
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She's 2 years old. They don't have a CO. He gets her every other weekend, And I think they split the big holidays.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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Avaya
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Quote:
We've been living together for a year. It's actually MY apt, though when this lease is up, we intend to get another place with both of our names on the lease.
Bad idea IMO, shack-ups with children involved and bothersome ex's don't have much longevity and there's no need to complicate it further by having a lease that you wont be able to get out of.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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MrsB
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Worked fine for DH and me before we married.
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Avaya
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sure, encourage immorality. Good idea.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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MJenkins
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Having both our names on the lease isn't a problem...if we were to break up, he'd move out, and I'd be able to pay the bills...I'd never move somewhere I couldn't afford on my own. Immorality is a matter of opinion, lol. And there really is no way I'd rush into marriage, or marry someone without living together first.
As always, thank you for your responses. Any info is greatly appreciated. 
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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Avaya
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Quote:
Having both our names on the lease isn't a problem...if we were to break up, he'd move out, and I'd be able to pay the bills...I'd never move somewhere I couldn't afford on my own.
It's sweet that you believe that, and I'm not saying that it couldn't happen, however people 'in love' often make poor decisions. If you're not willing to marry this person, you already don't know them well enough (or know them too well?) to make big decisions that could negatively affect you down the road. It's easy to agree to what you'd do while you like each other. When one of you cheats, or lies, or lets an ex cross boundaries, or becomes an alcoholic, or gives the other a black eye, or spends all the bill money on cigarettes or drugs......you get the jist, rational decisions and 'what we agreed to' just might not be what actually happens.
I assume you're grown, just be careful. CLEARLY life doesn't turn out how we thought it would at some point.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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finz
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Why is it 'sweet' for her to know that she can afford the apartment on her own if the relationship doesn't work out ?
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Avaya
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Quote:
Why is it 'sweet' for her to know that she can afford the apartment on her own if the relationship doesn't work out ?
The entire statement I quoted, taken as a whole, is what I was saying is sweet.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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finz
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I don't think saying the entire quote is 'sweet' makes any sense.
It looks like you are trying to be condesending (implying that she is soooo sure this relationship will end happily ever after) and failed miserably because she is saying she will adjust if he were to skip out on paying the rent.
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MJenkins
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Lol, you guys. Living together doesn't have as much to do with being in love as people have been conditioned to think. I won't go into the intricasies of why, but rent/bills aren't a concern in the event of a breakup, and it really woullld be that simple. Emotionally it would be hard. But the tangible concrete aspects would be simple and mess-free. Either way, I don't see a breakup anytime soon.
It's not that I'm not willing to marry him...but I see no rush and neither does he. It's not indicative of how we feel about each other...it's a legal agreement...that shouldn't be taken lightly, or used as a quick fix.
All that aside, BM has been laying low, so she's either plotting, or giving it a rest because she doesn't have grounds to have any restrictions placed on him.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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MrsB
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DH and I moved in together knowing we'd get married (we did 2 1/2 years later), but heck yeah we saved money too =). When kids are involved I don't think couples should live together unless they're in a committed relationship and plan on it staying that way.
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lotus85
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I live with my boyfriend too. He has a 2-year old daughter as well. We do plan on getting married next year. As far as your bf's ex is concerned, plan on her playing this game on and off for the next several years. I get along and communicate on a regular basis with my bf's ex however she likes to pull out the rug from under my feel when she feels threatened or whenever she feels insecure. I completely understand why she feels this way and when she wants to be a big baby, I let her and just step back. If your bf's ex knows about you now, she's probably got such an internal struggle going on inside herself. These feelings will make her irrational, irate, and vindictive. My mom always said "Hell hath no furry like a scorned lover" or something like that Just keep your head up high. Your "moral" decisions are your business. People will judge you right and left but that's their opinion. His daughter is #1 priority to him (and you if that's your decision) and it helps to remind ALL parties involved that her needs come first. If you are aiding in that process, then good for you! I truly believe it takes a very big hearted person to care for other people's children. It's quite a task...and not just the parenting part, but the dealing with ex's, paying bills, being a girlfriend, helping parent a small child, AND still making time to work and live your life to the fullest. Good luck! Don't stress. It takes a lot to motion for some kind of "moral clause" and she would in deed have to prove that this is for the betterment of her child and if you can document how and when you help care for that child, it will make you look better in case you ever have to defend yourself. Any positive interaction you have with the ex (if any in the future) should be documented as well so you can show a judge that you did in deed have a good rapor with her at some point. This will make her look impulsive and jealous. Most judges don't really entertain jealousy or lashing out ex's. They can usually see through that bs.
Now this is totally my OWN opinion, but if she were older, like 4 or 5 I would say that this situation poses more controversy; however, she is so young and her cognative abilities are just developing. She will not remember the difference from daddy being alone or daddy having you around. Granted, I'm not saying decisions involving a 2 year old child won't affect her, just that if all is good and harmonious, you are doing no harm to her. I'm sure she loves you just as much as you love her. Good luck!
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Avaya
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Quote:
..rent/bills aren't a concern in the event of a breakup, and it really woullld be that simple. But the tangible concrete aspects would be simple and mess-free.
Not if you sign a lease in both names together. Civil courts are eat up with this stuff all day long.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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MrsB
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Maybe she's saying she could afford her share of the rent on the lease (or he can) while still paying her own rent for her own place. Even still, you can be married and the same thing happen. It's important to protect yourself, but if always live in "what ifs" you'd be miserable. Life and love are about taking chances. That's just life.
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Avaya
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Perhaps. But love is still blind, lol. She MAY not be able to when the time comes because they decided to buy furniture, a car, a vacation, etc 'together' and now that he's bailed she's stuck with allllll of those expenses on her own. And even if she can afford it, now she's angry because 'how dare he bail on me' after we combined all of these bills and 'heeeee proooomissssed'. I'm happy it worked out for you, but let's be real, more often than not, it doesn't. And what you go into it saying you can and will do isn't always the outcome on the other side.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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MrsB
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Yes Avaya you're right. I edited my post above to say a few more things on that note.
I'd also rather live with someone first and it not work out then get married and THEN figure it out.
Edited by MrsB (10/14/10 07:09 AM)
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Avaya
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I'd rather get to know them well enough to live with them, which means well enough to marry.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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MrsB
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Well of course I'd want to know them well enough first to live with them .
I knew DH for years before we dated and moved in together - so the situation was a bit different in that respect, b/c I already knew him.
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preemiemom
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Quote:
I'd rather get to know them well enough to live with them, which means well enough to marry.
----------->> Some people do not WANT to marry Avaya. And that's OKAY. Period.
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The best we can do is live our lives with enlightened improvisation.
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MJenkins
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Reged: 10/07/10
Posts: 201
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No...lol. I'm saying he'd leave and I'd pay all the bills because they're the same bills I'd have while single. I've lived in the same place for 3 years. Once he moved in, yes, some of my expenses decreased having a helping hand around...but if he leaves, I'm not gonna be mad because it would be the same as when I was single. As a grown woman I should just be able to take care of myself regardless. In the event of a breakup, he would take his stuff and live with family until he found his own place, etc. I'd stay in the apartment and pay the same bills I've always paid. There's no fear of "skipping out on rent". I think when people have that issue it's because they chose to live above their means and had unrealistic ideas about the person they were choosing to live with.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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MrsB
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I think thats a great attitude to have!
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Redlegg
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I am wondering with no CO , if she could create her own Morality clause, like no visitation, and then it is off to court......
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youngatheart
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Quote:
Perhaps. But love is still blind, lol. She MAY not be able to when the time comes because they decided to buy furniture, a car, a vacation, etc 'together' and now that he's bailed she's stuck with allllll of those expenses on her own. And even if she can afford it, now she's angry because 'how dare he bail on me' after we combined all of these bills and 'heeeee proooomissssed'. I'm happy it worked out for you, but let's be real, more often than not, it doesn't. And what you go into it saying you can and will do isn't always the outcome on the other side.
As most people on this board know, that is also true if you are married. Same issues.
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MJenkins
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Quote:
Quote:
Perhaps. But love is still blind, lol. She MAY not be able to when the time comes because they decided to buy furniture, a car, a vacation, etc 'together' and now that he's bailed she's stuck with allllll of those expenses on her own. And even if she can afford it, now she's angry because 'how dare he bail on me' after we combined all of these bills and 'heeeee proooomissssed'. I'm happy it worked out for you, but let's be real, more often than not, it doesn't. And what you go into it saying you can and will do isn't always the outcome on the other side.
As most people on this board know, that is also true if you are married. Same issues.
Amen.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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MrsB
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Yup I wondered the same thing. Likely that's why they didn't tell BM they were living together.
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MJenkins
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Actually, I didn't even know they existed/were enforceable unless it was for the safety/wellbeing of the child (like having a drug user/dealer or violent person around). I didn't know an ex could control your personal life to that extent on a whim depending how they felt that day.
Not saying that evvvveryone who wants one is a jealous psycho. But, I digress.
We didn't tell her we live together because she'd make it even harder for him to see his daughter. It's bad enough now that when he goes to pick her up his bm tries to stall him, or she'll make reference to it on facebook in an attempt to place doubt in my head. We're not really dealing with an adult here. She knows I've been around her daughter, but doesn't know the extent, so she's constantly trying to reinforce the idea of "Mommy and Daddy" in order to get rid of the visual of "Daddy and MJ".
Either way, she has never been anywhere he's lived. He picks up and drops off his daughter. They've never lived together, etc. With that being said, I don't want her to know where I live period (whether we're together or apart). She's the type to show up uninvited, or stake out the place. I can tolerate it online, but we'll have problems in person until she grows up and gets over him. I'm looking forward to the day...
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Buckeye
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Well, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander.
So, if she wants a morality clause, he should get one against her too.
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MJenkins
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It's NOT good for the goose though. He trusts her judgement of the men that she chooses to bring around his child, she should do the same unless given reason not to. Reason NOT to shouldn't be because you're jealous of the new person, or you're afraid your child will like them. It should truly be a concern for the wellbeing of that child. So no, I don't wanna play tit for tat with her. Luckily she hasn't brought it up.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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MJenkins
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In other questions though, when someone DOES try to get a clause like that, does that mean the other person has to give their address to them?
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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1004SRS
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She wasn't a pyscho when they made a baby together. She was good enough to have s3x with, wasn't she. It takes 2.
You need defriend her on facebook without any drama. Do it and don't say a word. WHy do you really care what she says on FB anyway?
Sounds like all of the parties involved need to grow up.
Plus, you don't know what your bf says to her when he picks up his child. My ex used to say awful things to me. He would call and blame me for having to move in with his gf (uuuuuuhhhhh, yeah). You are hearing the side of the story of the man you are having s3x with. Hard to hear, but there are 2 sides to every story.
Edited by 1004SRS (10/18/10 06:24 AM)
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Miranda
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Quote:
I'd rather get to know them well enough to live with them, which means well enough to marry.
Really? How about making babies? That's the exception for you??
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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MrsB
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In every court order I'm aware of each party has to let the other party know their address (except in cases of abuse). Each parent should have the other's address. I would want to know where my child is staying when he's not with me.
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Avaya
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Quote:
In other questions though, when someone DOES try to get a clause like that, does that mean the other person has to give their address to them?
WHY would parents keep their address secret from each other anyway?
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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Sadie
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The bm in our case has our address, but she cannot get in to our home ( gated community), she has never seen/ been in our home
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MJenkins
enthusiast
Reged: 10/07/10
Posts: 201
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Quote:
She wasn't a pyscho when they made a baby together. She was good enough to have s3x with, wasn't she. It takes 2.
You need defriend her on facebook without any drama. Do it and don't say a word. WHy do you really care what she says on FB anyway?
Sounds like all of the parties involved need to grow up.
Plus, you don't know what your bf says to her when he picks up his child. My ex used to say awful things to me. He would call and blame me for having to move in with his gf (uuuuuuhhhhh, yeah). You are hearing the side of the story of the man you are having s3x with. Hard to hear, but there are 2 sides to every story.
To begin with, often you DON'T see someone's true colors until after the fact. I'm not here to dwell on his previous judgement of character...they have a child together, that won't change...and I while the mother may be difficult, I wouldn't trade the joy his daughter brings for anything. Yes, it takes two...no one in their right mind would argue that. Because yes, a woman can lie and say she's on birth control...but a man has the choice NOT to have sex with her. He didn't make the wisest choice...he has to deal with what comes with it.
I'm not her friend on facebook, but we attended the same university and we have mutual friends. I don't feed into her, the fb remark was to explain her mindset. So no, I don't entertain her, but I'm aware of her remarks about us.
Lastly, I'm aware there are two sides to every story. But I trust his. He doesn't bad mouth her, and he's cordial with her. They don't have a hostile relationship, but he doesn't want anything to do with her if it doesn't have to do with his child. She makes it clear that that is not acceptable to her, and that she's not over him. She argues that he should want to spend time with HER (go to a movie, come over for dinner, etc, and that he shouldn't JUST want to see his daughter.) This is the main issue she has. I don't know what your situation was, but it's different from mine. We've been mature and respectful...there isn't any he-said she said.
He's not just some man I'm sleeping with. He's the man I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with. Yes, I trust his words, but more importantly, his actions. I don't look at "sides of a story" as much as I pay close attention to the actions being taken.
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MJenkins
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Posts: 201
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And to those who say they would want to know where their child was when they're not with them, I agree. But I need her to get out of the mindset that slashing my tires or keying my car is "ok" or funny. I'm not just trying to be difficult, but my home is just that...my home. Hopefully when she's over whatever feelings she has, we'll be to the point where she's WELCOME in my home, or it'll be ok to invite her to barbecues or birthday parties for their daughter. I know that takes time, and for some, never happens, but it doesn't mean that I can't do MY part to make it a possibility for the future. If that means not having face to face encounters for now, so be it.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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MrsB
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If there is a history of harassment, I don't blame you - but has she done any of those things? Slashed your tires, keyed your car? If so, I don't blame you for not wanting her to know where you live.
My fear is that she will try to retaliate by keeping the child from dad, b/c there is no court order to protect his visitation and rights.
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MJenkins
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She's done these things, but they can't be proven. For example, she ran into a mutual friend (Not knowing they knew me) and they asked where she was headed, and she says, "I hear Derek has a new gf...headed to go slash her tires........just kidding!" I get off work the same day and my tires are slashed. This is before I knew she knew of me...so I assumed it was a coworker or maybe someone made a mistake. I had no reason to accuse her...Few days later, the mutual friend mentions her encounter with the bm and the joke she made.
She'd never try to keep him away from his child because a.) He IS a GREAT father, and she knows it. b.) She knows if she cut him out of his daughter's life, she'd be ruining any chance of him going back to her. Of course there's no chance of that, but she holds on to the idea that he'll come to his senses, etc. Simply put, if the only time she sees him really is him picking up or dropping off his daughter, then she won't put a stop to it cause she'd rather see him for those few minutes and try to stall him than not see him at all.
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MJenkins
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Okay, story update...I need all the productive advice I can get. He told the BM we live together last night, and she immediately says "You can't bring her around MJ." He said, "You don't pay my rent. You don't get to decide who I get to bring my daughter around, and you're not keeping me from my daughter." She then reiterated "You're not allowed to take her with you..." They argued for a while and he eventually hung up. He's going to the CS office today to see what needs to be done. He told her he agrees she has a right to "know" who is around her child, and if she'd like to meet me, he'd arrange that. What should we expect realistically? We're in TX.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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JMG77
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The morality Clause in TX depends really on the judge issuing it. She cannot have a MC without a CO in place, but if she gets one in place she will most likely add the MC. My attorney, as I am going through this fight right now, told me that a morality clause in this specific county, with this specific judge, will most likely be added. There would not be anything I could do about it without legally getting married. My g/f and I have been living together for 20 months now and the kids have been over e/o weekend and alternating holidays. Now all of a sudden the ex has a problem with it. I go to court next month to find out what happens. Hope this helps.
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MJenkins
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Well she's not saying "You can't have her there overnight" she's saying he can't bring her around me period/or leave her house at all with her. He only has her every other weekend so I'm hoping she cools her [censored] and gets over it by the time it's his weekend again. I don't feel either of them are in a position to go to court.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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MrsB
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The unfortunate part of this is what I was worried about  . Without your BF having a CO, she CAN keep his daughter from him.
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JMG77
recently joined
Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 5
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I was not in a position to go to go to court when I got my divorce and CO setup, wish I had been, now I am on the wrong end of the TX court system. Everything for me is an uphill battle (even being able to talk to the kids on the phone) and I am a very good father; the ex even agrees. When/If they go to court he needs to spell out everything, leave nothing to interpretation. Just some advice from someone who has been and is going through the TX courts. Small town TX seems to be the worst. But if he wants to be a part of the kids life then he will need to be prepared to pay the child support too. I pay over 1,000 a month and havent missed a payment, but still get branded as a deadbeat dad to people. You have to be prepared to fight the ex, fight is harsh, but is required if things dont cool off. You have a long fight ahead of you, so do and think of, what is best for you.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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I agree JMG. One needs to always protect themselves. I always recommend having a CO even when you think things are going well, b/c you never know when that can change, and you want your rights to be protected.
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MJenkins
enthusiast
Reged: 10/07/10
Posts: 201
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I spoke with an attorney, and here's what I got out of it. 1st and foremost, he said because my bf IS on child support, he would only need to obtain a copy of their visitation agreement, and have a police officer escort him when going to pick up his child (IF) the bm will not cooperate.
As far as him bringing her around me, he said given the circumstances, an outright morality clause will likely be denied and couldn't keep him from bringing her around me anyways...just where I sleep when she has her. He added that if she wanted to specifically keep her away from ME, the burden of proof would be on her to present physical/concrete evidence of whatever danger I pose. (abuse, neglect, etc).
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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JMG77
recently joined
Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 5
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From my experience with the police, even with an visitation agreement in place, they do not like to get in the middle of this situation and call it a civil matter to be handled by the courts. I had this situation occur with myself 3 weeks ago when my 8 year old didnt want to come with me on my weekend. We called the police and they refused to do anything. A judge/attorney would be the only ones that could force the BM to give up the child on the fathers visitation period. As to her not wanting the baby to be around you, yea, good luck with that. That would be harder to inforce, not withstanding a valid reason for it.
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MJenkins
enthusiast
Reged: 10/07/10
Posts: 201
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Either way he'll be likely setting up a mediation meeting at the cs office (as they've done in the past to discuss child support, custody, visitation, etc.) She's already stated not wanting her daughter to "take to me" or identify with me as a "new mom". She basically wants her daughter to think that he is still "with" her. This isn't realistic...I'm sure she plans to marry in the future, in the same way he plans to marry me--nobody is going to remain single for the rest of their life...he hasn't been with her in any way, shape or form in over 2 years, and at this point I'm sure the child understands they're apart.
I don't know what reason she'd give at mediation, but these are the reasons she's given him so far. Hopefully whoever handles this can see through her.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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MJenkins
enthusiast
Reged: 10/07/10
Posts: 201
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: ( I figured out what route she's going to take. She contacted him today and said she found some sort of injury on his little girl, (I'm sure it doesn't exist or she's exaggerating) And she's claiming she's been acting different at the day care, crying a lot and saying someone hit her. For the record, my bf does NOT believe in spanking...I don't know if her mom does or not, but he (and I) would never raise a hand to her. If she gets her friends/fam/ to co-sign her insinuations, can she build something out of this fabrication? I know for a fact this is her response to last night's argument. I'm creeped out that she'd either make up a fake injury, or use one acquired AFTER he dropped her off, OR (and I don't wanna think about it, but the possibility she inflicted a wound to support the story.) I had just about every base covered accept for this possibility because I wouldn't think she'd stoop so low. I think she realized she didn't have a case with anything else, but can she really try to say someone here is abusing her???
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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JMG77
recently joined
Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 5
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In my opinion thats not always a big deal. Kids get injuries. Either from playing, or being hit by another kid, or from a parent (this one is a big deal) unfortunately. What you need to do is document everything, record every phone call (easy to do and cheap from Radio Shack or the like) and save every email. All you can do is cover yourself, but if she is playing these games so early on you have a long road ahead of you.
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MJenkins
enthusiast
Reged: 10/07/10
Posts: 201
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All is well so far...he obtained the co, and she's been quiet...not even responding when he asks how the "injury" is healing. (I bet you anything there's no injury, cut, bump, bruise or scrape). I think she's scrambling to come up with something else, but we're taking your advice and documenting everything. I agree it'll be a long road...but I think it will all pan out for the better.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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JMG77
recently joined
Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 5
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I am glad that things have calmed down! Hope it stays working in your guys' favor.
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MJenkins
enthusiast
Reged: 10/07/10
Posts: 201
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:/ He had a meeting with her this evening that went terribly wrong. SHE requested the meeting. It took place in a public place...and SHE shows up intoxicated. She's loud/insulting, antagonistic, telling him he's selfish for not wanting to be with her, he wants to have his cake and eat it too because he wants to have a relationship with me but still see his child, etc. She said their child would be f***ed up from going back and forth between homes, and that he doesn't care about her if he doesn't want to be a family with them. When her yelling got excessive, he left. He had the restaurant sign his receipt as a timestamp, and is keeping a journal of everything that's taking place. He intends to pick his daughter up tomorrow according to the CO, and she stated tonight that if he did, she'd call the cops. He's planning on taking a neutral witness and a police officer if at all possible. At this point he he's prepared whether or not she complies tomorrow...if she's cooperative, great. If not, he'll document it and have witnesses. He'll then return the next day at the same time, so on and so-forth. I believe that proof of denial 3 times will count as contempt, etc...I'm exhausted but if there are any night owls or morning people, let me know of any other precaution he ought to take. He's an extremely calm man, however I don't like the idea of her calling the cops and lying or whatever she intends to call them for. Everyone knows whoever gets to the phone first, the other one's goin' to jail. Anyone have experience with police escorts in this situation?
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Unfortunately the police won't always get involved in matters like this. I'd tell him to call the police station first and see what his options are. And call his attorney And at the very least take a witness like you suggested.
And wow! What a piece. Showing up intoxicated! Who had the child?
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MJenkins
enthusiast
Reged: 10/07/10
Posts: 201
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Her parents had her, thank goodness. She showed up to the meeting with two strange men (they appeared to be thuggish) and had them drop her off. She had a gloss smear on her cheak as if she had been kissed (like maybe the guy had carmex on or something).
I know sometimes the police don't want to get involved...and it's FINE if the cop doesn't enforce the court order in my bf's hands. But I want him to have an escort for his safety, and as a witness to the denial should she choose to say no as she's said she would. The last thing I need is for him to show up and get arrested without anyone asking questions because there's a misunderstanding or she lies on him.
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If you can't beat em, they're not tied down properly.
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ccmom
member
Reged: 02/18/09
Posts: 160
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Although the police may not "enforce" the order. They will write up a police report that just documents that he tried to pick child & was denied. You can use the police report in court.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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FYI, you might want to start a new thread when you have updates if you want responses and advice.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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finz
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Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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I think it's smart for him to have a witness whenever he sees her for now and that you seem to understand that the witness should not be you, as that probably would just set her off.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Posts: 6355
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I agree Finz.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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Didn't you get the memo ? I'm ALWAYS right !
tehetehetehe
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Hehehe 
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