scutestema
recently joined
Reged: 10/26/10
Posts: 3
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I will try to make this as short as possible even though I could probably write a novel. Anyway here I am after 6 yrs of marriage my dear husband ask for divorce. Shortly after I found also why, he was in love and gave this other girl an engagement ring . There is no way to describe how mad, pissed and furious I was . I knew there are problems from time to time but never thought it's that drastic. Needless to say we are both at fault, me cause I neglected him from time to time, u know how that goes, military spouse...foreign born, still trying to learn English, moving from one state to another, no friends and we have a special needs child.....so yeah not so much time to stay with my legs open 24/24.
Lately I also discover that he is living an alternative life style, something I could never do, he his it pretty well during those 6 yrs of marriage. Now he doesn't care anymore so he let it all out.
Finally I am agreeing that I do want nothing to do with him, I am trying to get sole custody even though that will be hard as he never abused the child and yes he put food on the table and provide a roof over our heads but that doesnt give him the father of the year award. He doesnt really know much about our boy, unless I tell him, never really interacts with him, oh maybe just when he has to put a show for outsiders, then he looks like best dad but once we are back home that is over.
I also would like alimony and child support, he said that he knows for sure that he can get out with only 400 dollars a month. Can that be true??? He is E6, 12 yrs in , extra pay and all that.
Please if anyone is more familiar with VA law and military will be great some advices and opinions. Also if anyone will know any good lawyers out there and anyone have some ball park figures of how much all this can cost me will be deeply appreciated.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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You have only been married 6 years, so odds of alimony are VERY slim. If you get physical custody/placement you will get child support. Usually joint legal is granted automatically unless you can prove a reason for sole.
Divorce is a civil matter so there is no special "military law" that goes along with it. You need to file and get a job. What kind of immigration status do you have?
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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scutestema
recently joined
Reged: 10/26/10
Posts: 3
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Asking for alimony is actually just to help me till I get back on my own feet, I mean I am seeking around 6 mo. I am not sure what do you mean by "if you get custody"....I am not on drugs, I am good mom that is even according to my soon to be ex. I don't think he will actually fight me much about that, after all he doesn't really know much about his own son. The reason I thought sole custody donno my chances in that, like I said he is into another life style, I am afraid he can bring all this ppl over for one of their sex party while my child is there and that makes me sick to my stomach. I never been separated longer that 24 h from my boy.
I am looking for a civil attorney which is specialize in military law, as going for portion of retirement and all other stuff. I am a citizen now so immigration status has nothing to do with it.
I am not bitching anymore about the situation, I made peace with it and if it was up to me I would left already but there is a future of a child to think of. By the way I do work as much as I can, I am self employed and while I don't make as much money as my " better" half does, I am not a couch potato either. Just trying to look out for best options for my son.
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elliesmom
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Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Since he has managed to keep it hidden (and i will assume you have proof), his sexual predilections will likely matter very little.
It will probably take longer than 6 months to get divorced - so by the time this goes to trial it is unlikely you will get alimony. But in the mean time he must help support both of you. Certainly as a part of the initial filing you can ask that an amount be set for temporary support until trial.
It is unlikely, given the information presented that you will get sole custody. Courts prefer joint unless there is a compelling reason not to give it. Adultery and repugnant sexual habits do not come into play unless you are doing it in front of the child. He has not yet, so they will give him the BotD that he won't start.
Any Virginia divorce attorney is going to be familiar with military lifestyle. There is no such thing as a "military divorce." You will get a plain ole VA divorce from someone who happens to work in the military. You may or may not be awarded a part of his retirement (should he retire). Some judges don't like to do it for marriages under 10 years and some do. However you may ask that you be given less joint debt or more marital assets to compensate you for whatever retirement he may earn - you run the risk that he leaves the military when his contract is up and you get nothing otherwise.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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scutestema
recently joined
Reged: 10/26/10
Posts: 3
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That is what I was afraid of, ofcourse he hasn't do it in front of the child but again the child never left my eye sight so the chances for him to do that was slim to none. Well this is pretty screwed up situation, can;t believe I cant get sole custody, well we should live and see, who know maybe I can convince him to give me that.
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BeachBabeRN
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Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3032
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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elliesmom and I both live in Virginia.....she's much better at the military stuff and I've dealt extensively with the Virginia court system.
Default custody in Virginia is joint legal, usually with a primary residential placement. Since your husband is military and I assume deployable, it's entirely possible that you'll get the primary residential.
His retirement is a crap shoot. You've only been married to him for six years, I absolutely wouldn't even think it will come to the table, it normally comes into play after a ten year marriage, with the member active duty the entire time. em is right, if he simply gets out of the military, there's no retirement to talk about.
In VA you have to be separated for one year to file for divorce if you have a minor child. You'll be expected to work full time or clearly demonstrate why you cannot work full time -- what type of special needs are you dealing with with your child? How old is the child?
$400 sounds kind of low for child support at his income level as everything the military pays, including BAH and BAS are considered income for the purposes of determining child support. The extra pay, unless it's something that he gets on a continual basis usually is not counted. Things like hazardous duty, etc. isn't something that he gets all the time.
Sole custody in VA just means that you have the decision making capacity for the child and medical, school records, etc. Doesn't mean that you can withold visitation. And he will get visitation, at least the minimal standard -- EOW, alternating holidays, extra time during the summer and usually one night during the week. Without a compelling reason, that's the minimum that he'll get. Whether he TAKES it is up to him.
Cost? Hard to say. A simple uncontested, the two of you agree to everything, including child support figures/spousal support will run at a bare minimum $1000. Child support figures can be found in the Virginia Code and they come out of a book with minimal deviation. If there's a lot of attorney correspondence, disagreement on child support/spousal support, it can run greater than $5000.
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elliesmom
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Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I didn't even read the $400. That does seem low. Sometimes the child support enforcement agency in your state has a much more user-friendly child support calculator - I would start at virginia.gov and see what you can find out. I have never dealt with VA child support so I don't know their percentages.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3032
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Virginia Code 20-108.2
That's the child support calculator for Virginia. User friendly, easy to figure out.
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pudge27
recently joined
Reged: 07/20/10
Posts: 15
Loc: MD
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I find it interesting about the the alimony and military retirement statements. I was married for six years and will end up paying alimony (looks like between 3-5 years worth) and she gets a cut of my military retirement (only married for three years while I was in the military). It appears that this is a given in MD.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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[quote]I find it interesting about the the alimony and military retirement statements. I was married for six years and will end up paying alimony (looks like between 3-5 years worth) and she gets a cut of my military retirement (only married for three years while I was in the military). It appears that this is a given in MD. [/quote]
You must have some serious circumstances because that is def. not the norm.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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