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cutebaby
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i want him for dismissal from service..
      #701833 - 10/27/10 02:36 PM

My husband is an Army E4. This is the problem when he was deployed in Iraq last year (2009) my husband stop contacting from last quarter of 2009 sounds like he abandoned me, and when he get back here (state) May 2010 Texas Base from May to September, and now He currently stationed in GA in Military Headquarter and since he get back I was trying to contact him & He refused to talk to me, I have asked the assistance of his CO but he has lots of reasons not talking to me.
We been married for 3 years no children and no properties, i am currently live in Alabama and my husband in GA Military quarter for almost 2 months now, since he was transferred from Texas stay there for 5 months already.
My questions are:
1. My husband says that he was undergoing for medical treatment (he was injured from his last deployed in Iraq 2009) which i believe that he just pretending to be sick. Did Military can charge him of dismissal from service if they discovered that he is lying to be sick?
2. If ever that he will file a divorce, He can file from GA (He currently live) anytime or he have to wait for residency requirements?
3. I am planning to sue him for abandonment, since he never give me any support & cheated me, this possible effect on his career? I want him to be kicked out from military.
4. If i will ask for alimony what would be the chance that i would get from him and we had only 3 years of marriage and i am not working right now?
Any response would be highly appreciated.


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Miranda
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: cutebaby]
      #701841 - 10/27/10 02:53 PM

You need to move on. How can you on one hand say "I want alimony" (which you will likely not get) and then say "I want to get him kicked out of the military"? How can he heypthetically pay you alimony if he no longer has a job? :confused:

Why don't you file for divorce? He can file in the state he lives or in his home of record.

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13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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cutebaby
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: Miranda]
      #701852 - 10/27/10 03:16 PM

Thanks Miranda for your quick response....
I am moving on right now, maybe because he gives me lots of pain, cheating and not respecting me as a woman and he screwed my life...
i just want to clear some questions, the military aware about that he is lying to be sick. if they have found that he fraud being sick this would be cause him from dismissal from service?
i am receiving temp. SS b/c i got court order for garnishment, but till now i did not file a divorce because i dont have money to pay the attorney's expenses.
here's my question again in 3 years of married what is the chance that i will get the alimony? that would be possible?

What would be the consequence if i file devorce with the grounds of abandonment?

I am afraid also that if they proof that he was lying being sick this would be causing him for dismissal? correct me if am wrong, i am just asking....


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elliesmom
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: cutebaby]
      #701864 - 10/27/10 03:35 PM

Lied to whom? You? No he will not get in trouble for that.

Lying to his command? - that is nearly impossible because it is not as though they take his word for it. He has to see a doctor and get them in on the deal. And if the doctor agrees - well then he is sick.

You willmost likely not get alimony. You weren't married long enough, you have already moved away and presumably on with your life, there is no reason to give you alimony. Alimony is paid to balance a financial loss. What financial loss have you had by being married for a mere 3 years - that the support you are getting between the divorce and when you filed for support - won't cover?

You had no children, nothing stopping you from working, etc. I would never say never on alimony, but you are about as close to never as it gets. Alimony is not legally financial punishment for being a bad husband.

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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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cutebaby
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: elliesmom]
      #702043 - 10/28/10 01:16 AM

Thanks ellismom, it is clear for me now, i wont expect anything from him, instead i have to move on....and wait for the papers from him...

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cutebaby
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: cutebaby]
      #702044 - 10/28/10 01:21 AM

one more question, how about if he file divorce uncontested but i dont agree (from me it is contested), anyone have idea the time frame to get the final decree from court? it would takes for how many months, 3 yrs marriage, no property & no children...

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finz
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: cutebaby]
      #702045 - 10/28/10 02:25 AM

If you are serious about moving on.....do it ! Who cares if it's contested or not ? Let go.

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Miranda
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: cutebaby]
      #702049 - 10/28/10 06:47 AM

My contested divorce took two years to go through and 5K...15 years ago. Still interested?

What do you have to contest? You don't have anything.

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13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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finz
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: Miranda]
      #702052 - 10/28/10 07:24 AM

She just wants to make the point that she was wronged.

I understand feeling that way, but the courts don't care and it will just drag everything out.


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elliesmom
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: finz]
      #702056 - 10/28/10 07:48 AM

It sounds like he moved from TX to GA in sept. 2010?

He can't file in GA until march I believe, but he could file in TX or possibly AL depending on how long you've been there.

You could probably file in TX.

The longer it takes - the more money you will spend on your attorney. If you can go the uncontested route it could save you tens of THOUSANDS of dollars. Your dollars. There is no need to waste any more money (or time) on him. The only person you hurt is yourself.

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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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Redlegg
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: elliesmom]
      #702066 - 10/28/10 08:31 AM

1. My husband says that he was undergoing for medical treatment (he was injured from his last deployed in Iraq 2009) which i believe that he just pretending to be sick. Did Military can charge him of dismissal from service if they discovered that he is lying to be sick?

Yes, they can under Art. 115 of the UCMJ

Maximum punishment.

(1) Feigning illness, physical disablement, mental lapse, or derangement. Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 1 year.

(2) Feigning illness, physical disablement, mental lapse, or derangement in a hostile fire pay zone or in time of war. Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 3 years.

(3) Intentional self-inflicted injury. Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 5 years.

(4) Intentional self-inflicted injury in a hostile fire pay zone or in time of war. Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 10 years.


2. If ever that he will file a divorce, He can file from GA (He currently live) anytime or he have to wait for residency requirements?

He meets the residency requirements somewhere, and he can file from where he meets them.


3. I am planning to sue him for abandonment, since he never give me any support & cheated me, this possible effect on his career? I want him to be kicked out from military.

There is always a possible effect on his career. Does it make sense to try to get support from, and at the same time remove that means of support. Arrears does not pay the bills. You have reasons for divorce, present them in the divorce and be done with it. The military COC is supposed to be fair, but they operate within the regulations, and there are none that are designed to punish one spouse, because the other is angry.

4. If I will ask for alimony what would be the chance that I would get from him and we had only 3 years of marriage and I am not working right now?


Ask away, let them decide, as stated above, a three year marriage, not a large income, and you are already receiving support based on a court order. As far as the military is concerned, he is providing legally sufficient support. Once the divorce is final there will be a new court order. You say he is in military quarters, but if he is in the billets, he may or may not be getting BHA, if he is in housing, he is not getting it, and the garnishment is coming out of his base pay. I can only imagine if that is the case, then he is probably stretched pretty thin right now.

So what exactly do you want out of the divorce ? There is some kind of property, whether it is household goods, automobiles, etc. You have some, or all, or none and he has some or all or none. If you want it uncontested, you either have to file with what you want, and hope he agrees, or you have to accept his offer, if he files. So at some point, in order for this to be uncontested, you will probably have to talk.


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cutebaby
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: Redlegg]
      #702541 - 10/29/10 11:23 AM

Thank you all guys for your time to response, all my doubts, questions has been answered...

Sounds like i dont have other choice other than to move on and accept the fact that i had a failure marriage...The more i remain married to him the more i feel the pain he caused to me....

This site forum really helps to all military spouses who's going through of pain...I want to give credit to all members always willing to advice and help that they can...More power and God Bless you all..


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Miranda
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: cutebaby]
      #702639 - 10/29/10 03:15 PM

You will be alright. I know right now it is hard and your are mad/sad/angry/pissed off, etc. but don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Someday you will see that the BEST thing to do right now is get rid of this loser and move on to greener pastures.

It took me TOO long and I wasted a good amount of time being ANGRY. I wish I could go back in time...

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13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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cutebaby
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: Miranda]
      #702715 - 10/30/10 02:54 AM

thanks Amanda your definitely right....Wish me luck for my brigther tomorrow..

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english7
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: elliesmom]
      #702732 - 10/30/10 08:56 AM

"Alimony is paid to balance a financial loss. What financial loss have you had by being married a mere 3 years"
em, could you explain this to me?


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cutebaby
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: english7]
      #702746 - 10/30/10 02:07 PM

Frankly speaking He was not working for 2yrs (till he got his order deployment in Iraq 09),so i have to support him,feed him,buy cloth, because he moved to my apartment without anything, this lazy man just sitting on his butt on computer all day...when deployed he promised that He will take care of everything bills and he ask me to go to school that what i did (i am going to school), till i found out that he never contact me before he get back in State because He's online networking that He is single...Now do i have to receive BAH since we still married although we are separated not legally He's living in barraks.

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Redlegg
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: cutebaby]
      #702748 - 10/30/10 02:45 PM

The way it works in the Army is that if there is no court order for support, you would receive the BAH amount, if there is a court order, that is the amount he is required to give you. You said you are receiving Spousal support through a court order, so he is meeting his requirement.

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elliesmom
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: english7]
      #702749 - 10/30/10 03:03 PM

Yes alimony is paid to balance a financial loss such as:

One spouse makes CONSIDERABLY more money than the other. SO for whatever reason the couple decides that it is not worth it (children, social status, etc.) for the other party to work. SO when they divorce (usually many years later) that spouse now has no seniority, will have to start many times below the paygrade they left at, may require education even, to re-enter the work force.

Occasionally you may see a spouse argue that, even for a short marriage, they left a high paying job and now cannot regain such a position and thus - they deserve compensation for that loss. This would be difficult to prove - because they would have to argue that no such job exists ANYWHERE, because if you moved for your spouse - you can certainly move to be employed. Even if it means moving to, oh, Nebraska where unemployment is VERY low.

Also - you have situations where one spouse works and the other goes to school. Sometime after graduation, they divorce before the working spouse is able to acquire similar education. That spouse may ask for alimony so that they may also get like/kind education. My STBX SM for example - put her husband though med school. She was awarded tuition plus living expenses when they divorced so she could get a masters degree.

A person seeking alimony would be best served by determining what their loss is - and then whether it is feasible for the STBX to pay that. A person making 30k a year is not going to be paying 15k in alimony. Sometimes our investments in people - just as with other types of investments - are not worth as much as we put in. And then expect that payments will be no longer than half the duration of he marriage.

In rare occasions (nowadays) you will see the argument that the loss canot be recouped. Like a person married for 30+ years - it is not feasible that they will even live long enough (or be able at that stage and energy in life) to regain their potential earnings. Or a person who became disabled during a long-term marriage. They may be awarded alimony to care for them for the rest of their life. Some states do not even offer this any more, but many do.

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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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cutebaby
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: elliesmom]
      #703337 - 11/02/10 04:07 PM

Thanks for all the information, but still i want to clear some point,

1. I thought in Military they can file where they live (they are exempted for residency requirements) and they dont need to wait for it.

2. My husband could be re-deployed after 2 years (i guess the requirements)after he's get back this year (2010). Although the military are not happy to his civil records (family abondonment case)?

thanks for all your response on this..


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Miranda
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: cutebaby]
      #703347 - 11/02/10 04:24 PM

He can file in the state he lives or in his home of record.

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13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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trustinginCHRIST
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Re: i want him for dismissal from service.. [Re: elliesmom]
      #708880 - 11/23/10 11:55 AM

Hey cute baby. I definitely understand your situation as I am going through something too. Im going to take a soft line of approach and not be so critical about my opinion of the situation.
I know youve invested a lot of time, energy, love and dedication into this relationship but at the end of the day its not working out. He may not be the best or worse man in the universe but he is neverthless just a man; a human being whom, just like you, makes bad decisions.
Sometime you just have to tell yourself to let go. To let go of everything all at once, even the possibility that u may want to be financially compensated. Maybe holding onto the idea of making him suffer could turn out to be your 'bad decision' in life. But I will tell you that once you move on you'll see that the benfits of the new future you'll gain will outweight any amount of financial support he could give you! The best of luck and Ill keep u in my prayers!


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