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Reged: 11/02/10
Posts: 2
How do you start over?
      #703385 - 11/02/10 09:50 PM

This was my second marriage. I never knew a relationship could be that good. I was so in love. I have never had my heart broken. I was unlucky enough to find the 1 man that was capable of breaking my heart and I married him. We were together for 3 yrs before we married and we just celebrated our 3rd anniversary Oct 6. Today he told me he wanted a divorce. We got into an arguement last night because he said some things that hurt my feelings and I started crying. He got mad at me because I was crying and keeping him awake. He left me about 4 hrs ago.
It has been that way for a long time now: he says something that hurts my feelings and I get upset and he gets mad and asks why I'm upset, I tell him how I feel and he tells me No that isn't how I feel, then he tells me how I feel and stays angry at me until it blows over and I am not upset anymore.
He has a horrible temper and he has roughed me up before, only a few times and the worse it ever got was a few cracked ribs. So today things got really heated and we were yelling at each other and he slapped me in the face, put me in a headlock and drug me out the front door and threw me on the ground. I know its over but I feel lost. I don't know how to be alone. I've become so dependent on him. How do I start over when I've built my whole life around him? When we met I was so independent. I was confident and had a super self esteem. I never doubted myself. I'm a completely different person now. I don't know how it happened. But I am one of those women who I always felt sorry for.

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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3236
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
Re: How do you start over? [Re: Shallon]
      #703401 - 11/03/10 07:40 AM

I'm so sorry that you're in this place right now Shallon, truly I am.

I'd suggest that you look around on the internet and find the definition of both **bully** and domestic abuse. Your husband will fit the definition nicely. Unfortunately.

You are a person with feelings and needs and desires. Your husband CRACKED YOUR RIBS. In most states, that would be a felony.

Whether or not you know how to be alone at this point in your life is irrelevant -- you need to start learning now. If you have no children, leave the house. You've only built your life around him for three years and it was a process that was very insidious and very slow, until he's gotten you away from everything you've cared about so that he can continues controlling and abusing you.

Every man/woman is capable of breaking their spouse's heart, believe me. It doesn't have to be deliberate, a plan to break their heart but it gets broken nonetheless. Better your heart than your head or arms or legs or some more ribs.

In this situation, money doesn't matter, possessions don't matter, nothing matters except saving your own life.

You need to get out NOW. Before he kills you.

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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Re: How do you start over? [Re: Shallon]
      #703681 - 11/03/10 09:50 PM

You start by realizing he is not the love of your life. The love of your life would not abuse you. OMG woman the man broke ribs! How can you say "that's the worst it ever got" and be ok with that?

Please get into some counseling so that you can find your self esteem and become that independant woman again. I truely believe he did you a huge favor.

I am not trying to be mean or kick you when you're down but you have to know that this relationship was not ok. It happened because he manipulated you. And he emotionally abused you along with the physical abuse. From the little you've said here I'd guess he has at least some sociopathic tendencies. the very best thing you can do for yourself no matter how hard is walk away and not look back.


When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
Re: How do you start over? [Re: Shallon]
      #703858 - 11/04/10 09:04 PM

You are an idiot, and you deserve whatever you get, up to and including a broken skull.

"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

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Reged: 11/06/10
Posts: 3
Re: How do you start over? [Re: yregna]
      #704143 - 11/06/10 12:18 PM

Shallon, go get help. There are plenty of services to help abused/battered women. Take advantage of them. There may be something like "Safe Passage" in your area. If you don't have children, it's even easier. Trust begins on the other side of the door. Good luck to you.

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recently joined

Reged: 11/17/10
Posts: 6
Re: How do you start over? [Re: GaslightedDad]
      #707816 - 11/19/10 11:42 AM

oh I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. The fact that he is hurting you is NOT okay and you need to just get out. Obviously, he no longer respects you and you sound like a great person who deserves so much better than this. I know its hard to start over. I had to do it myself a couple times, but words of advise, it does get easier. Please just get out and there are abused woman shelters that you can go to and they will help you. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you through this. Sending big hugs your way.

visit me at and pick up:
"30 Day Program to Heal Your Broken Heart"

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