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Kar1958
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Reged: 09/22/09
Posts: 17
Losing Friends in a Divorce
      #706947 - 11/16/10 02:10 PM

Haven't been here in a while, my divorce has been final 1yr ago today. Still, the friends I thought would have reached out to me have not. I do feel isolated, oh some friends have reached out but the ones I thought would have didn't. But they have reached out to him?? He broke up the marriage why do I feel like I am being punished? Help

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BeckaLeigh
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Reged: 06/08/05
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Re: Losing Friends in a Divorce [Re: Kar1958]
      #706953 - 11/16/10 02:18 PM

Have you reached out to them? Maybe they think you don't want their friendship anymore? And some people just feel like they have to choose sides during a breakup/divorce.

--------------------
I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


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Kar1958
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Reged: 09/22/09
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Re: Losing Friends in a Divorce [Re: BeckaLeigh]
      #706955 - 11/16/10 02:32 PM

I have, these were people I meet through my ex over the 20yrs we were married. I considered them good friends. Some have not returned my phone calls, or have invited my ex and his girlfriend (and her kids) to parties but not me or our kids. Its a small town where he was raised I am not from there. I made a point to call good friends and let them know that I considered them still my friends. They have been double dating with him a month after I filed. I cant tell you how much it hurts. I thought the women would have reached out. Don't get me wrong some friends have reached out. I feel like the town supports him and have left me on the side of the road. Why would friends do this? I hope they never go through what I went through. I know time will heal and I have gottin my life together. But there are time when I think about why didnt they reach out? Am I wrong?

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BeckaLeigh
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Re: Losing Friends in a Divorce [Re: Kar1958]
      #706959 - 11/16/10 02:41 PM

No, you aren't wrong. I went through the same thing in my divorce. If you tried and they never returned calls or what have you? They weren't your friends to begin with, IMO. They were his and tolerated you, maybe even liked you, but aren't worth the brainspace you are giving them. I know it is hard. I hope things get better for you. I really do. I remember the feelings during and after my divorce. >>>SHIVER<<<

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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


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Kar1958
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Reged: 09/22/09
Posts: 17
Re: Losing Friends in a Divorce [Re: BeckaLeigh]
      #706962 - 11/16/10 02:50 PM

Thanks for your words of wisdom. New friends will come and the old ones will fade. I do still have close high school friends who never went away. For that I am thankful!

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BeckaLeigh
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Reged: 06/08/05
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Re: Losing Friends in a Divorce [Re: Kar1958]
      #706965 - 11/16/10 02:57 PM

I hear ya. Definitely be thankful for the ones that were there thru thick and thin. I haven't found many like that.

--------------------
I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


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NancyD
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Re: Losing Friends in a Divorce [Re: Kar1958]
      #707134 - 11/17/10 07:37 AM

I definitely saw "his" friends move along with him and not reach out to me in the time we were separated, before our divorce. Since we had recently moved to the area and the friends were people he knew from visits before we moved there, I did not have the connection with them that he did so it was not a complete surprise, but it did confirm in my mind that my decision to move back to the area where I did have family support and friends was the right one for me.

When I look back on it, I also realize that his friends were all kind of living on the fringe of society and weren't really people I would have been friendly with, anyway. No loss.


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Kar1958
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Re: Losing Friends in a Divorce [Re: NancyD]
      #707631 - 11/18/10 01:57 PM

Well the problem is, that I did like these friends and I believed they liked me too. Some of them were very nice people. It kind of makes you second guess yourself as a person? But I have to look at it as if its their lose :)

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yregna
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Re: Losing Friends in a Divorce [Re: Kar1958]
      #707811 - 11/19/10 11:27 AM

The people who are not contacting you are shocked at how you raped him financially during the divorce. You seemed like such a nice person, but now you've shown your true colors.

The good news is you are part of a huge majority of women on this board, so you can make new friends. Your new friends will support you making a living off men no problem.

--------------------
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"


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CoachKarenB
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Reged: 11/17/10
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Re: Losing Friends in a Divorce [Re: Kar1958]
      #707822 - 11/19/10 11:54 AM

sorry to hear that your friends haven't contacted you. But don't take it personally, a lot of times people just get busy and forget to call. It could also be because they don't know what to say to you. I would just call them up or maybe get together for coffee or something. Another suggestion is to join a group (ex...take up a sport) so you can meet new friends. Wishing you lots of luck.

--------------------
visit me at BrokenHeartNewStart.com and pick up:
"30 Day Program to Heal Your Broken Heart"


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