english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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"There were no other towns in Virginia ? None ? If I wanted a divorce ASAP, I wouldn't have moved out of state."
I did not want a divorce ASAP. Don't think I'm you. I was in a state of shock and just wanted to get away from him. I drove around the area for 2 or 3 days, hiding out in parking lots, staying in motels where I thought he wouldn't find me. Then I drove north to be safe with people I knew. I had to take time to think things over.
"You are saying the police refused to arrest him for violating the RO ?"
No, I'm not saying that. The magistrate refused the probable cause statement for the EPO that the police submitted. There was no RO, as I knew there wouldn't be. That's why I was prepared to flee. I knew he'd be coming back.
"You couldn't call Capital One before you left, when things were going downhill and get more credit which would also be based on his salary?"
I had no idea he was going to go so crazy. Besides, how smart is it to take on more credit than you can pay back? Maybe you would. I had two cards. I maxed them out.
"You couldn't have stayed in the house with new locks and an RO ? You're that positive he would jeapordize his whole military career by doing something like approaching the house or your job ?
The police let him back in the house. They escorted me to my car. And, yeah, he would come to the house and my job. Oh yeah he would. Why? Because he has no respect for the law and believes the military will protect him. That's exactly what happened. But, again, there was no RO to begin with.
"Did you not have a winter coat from your years of teaching in NY ? If you charged some more clothes, you could have gotten the free lawyer and a shelter, right ?"
My coat was in VA. I left with an overnight bag, toothbrush, pj's. I charged a lot to clothe myself and eat and travel to interviews. As long as I had a credit card, I could not stay in a shelter. I was able to get the free lawyer, after two months of phone calls and proof of the assault. She dropped my case after two weeks b/c it had not moved forward. She didn't do anything!
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Yeah I am trying to figure out what was 50k. Did she personally build an addition onto his house? I can't believe that the house is worth more even with a new roof AND an addition - with the housing market. If she gets any theoretical sweat equity that isn't there because of the down housing market - he can and should appeal. That would be an easy win.
Cashing out money to invest poorly sux, but I doubt they are going to make him pay for it. Its hard to make a hard prediction, because you don't see women do this very often, but when men do it - no way. Would never happen. Too bad so sad mister. And that is what leans me to that side. Its not even a CLOSE loss when guys argue it.
I also find it strange she didn't get any support money in this hearing. I would think she would at least get SOME. The fact that she got none should be a signal that things aren't going to go well. But alas, I am sure she will pipe back in with some supersecret reason we don't know why a judge would change his mind.
I realize he said he would "think about it" but that actually translates to "no. Unless some new info comes in because she hires an attorney who can present this properly and finds something she overlooked." But whatever. She knows all and we can't read.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3031
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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em, as I recall she was getting about $300 per month while he was deployed.....my memory's not what it used to be.
And FTR, gr8dad, you know what I've already said on this particular poster's situation, I see no reason to post it again.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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Why is this so hard? From what I understand, the marriage was longer than 13 months. Dating for four years before that, it sounds like maybe 5-6 years together. You get married, you make a joint decision to live to together, to combine finances, property, etc. Abuse happens. Now no one may like how sahe handled it, but either you believe it, or you do not. She handled it how she handled it. Next time, I am sure the learning curve will apply. She went home, to NY, to family. The whole divorce was put on hold because of a deployment. It did not have to be, not as long as it was, but ex chose to delay it. Whether it was to try to wear her down, cause her to spend more than it was worth or personal misery, he had the option speed it up.
Once these joint decisions are made when it comes to fiances, and property, etc, why does her number sound so far off. Spousal support for the seperation and division of the property. There is a military retirement in play, that has nto been asked for. Rentals, salary, investments, all easily tracked on paper. The spousal support, while she was his spouse. Not unreasonable. When you throw out one single number for what she is asking, it sounds high. When you look at the combining of fiances, and property, her giving up her job, for them, she put somethign into this marriage, and it does not look like she is taking a lot out when it is all considered. If she had been sitting on her butt eatign bon bons and not even trying that would be one thing, but from what she has posted, she has been working on rebuilding her life not by using this crazy marriage/abuse episode, but by trying to find work, making it work. You go into a marriage thinking forever. It does work out that way, when you leave, you will not get everything back that you put into it, but what she may be getting does not sound unfair. No more than he made certain decisions, decided to do certain things, and because of those, he will lose some things. She has already lost, and is trying to get back, he gained, and wants to give nothing. Somewher ein between is fairness, and the number does not sound unfair.
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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"But alas, I am sure she will pipe back in with some supersecret reason we don't know why a judge would change his mind."
Here it is, and I hope I don't have to keep repeating this. The judge never heard the pendente lite spousal support. He stayed it b/c my ex was deployed. He gave him one month to appear with his discovery. He provided that discovery in time, so back to court--but no ex. The judge again stayed it b/c he was deployed. They set a hearing for the final decree. I was not able to be there. The marriage was dissolved without my presence as a no-fault. The decree reads: "Further, it is ADJUDGED, ORDERED and DECREED as follows: 1. Defendant's Cross-Complaint is dismissed. 2. the issues of spousal support, equitable distribution and attorney's fees are reserved for determination at a later date."
"I realize he said he would "think about it" but that actually translates to "no. Unless some new info comes in because she hires an attorney who can present this properly and finds something she overlooked." But whatever. She knows all and we can't read."
We ran over, time-wise. We had one hour, but took much longer. The next group was waiting. There was too much for him to consider in the last 5 minutes he gave us to finish. No reason to be nasty with me. None whatsoever.
"Yeah I am trying to figure out what was 50k. Did she personally build an addition onto his house? I can't believe that the house is worth more even with a new roof AND an addition - with the housing market. If she gets any theoretical sweat equity that isn't there because of the down housing market - he can and should appeal. That would be an easy win."
Now you're saying the 50k is just for the home improvements? I've said before, the 50k is for everything, property distribution, pendente lite, minus debt. My lawyer took the established formula used in VA for spousal support. The amount is very high b/c of the huge difference in income.
"Cashing out money to invest poorly sux, but I doubt they are going to make him pay for it. Its hard to make a hard prediction, because you don't see women do this very often, but when men do it - no way. Would never happen. Too bad so sad mister. And that is what leans me to that side. Its not even a CLOSE loss when guys argue it."
I don't know what you are talking about here. Is it his wanting to use my check for stocks?
ETA: The divorce was final in in July. The property and support hearing was in Nov.
Edited by english7 (12/17/10 12:05 PM)
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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Finally a voice of reason! Thanks, Red. And you are right that I did not ask for his retirement.
I don't know why everyone else is so bitter and suspicious. Why do they automatically think I am lying? That's been the theme with me all along. The only one who has been lying is my ex. That was shown at the hearing, but unfortunately, the judge didn't say anything about it at the time. I wanted to hear him chastise my ex. Maybe it's just expected that divorcing people will lie about money.
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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"em, as I recall she was getting about $300 per month while he was deployed.....my memory's not what it used to be."
Yes, Beachbabe, you are right. I received 370 a month, which was the dependent portion of the BAH. I had to appeal to his CO to get that after a few months, as my ex told me he was not going to give me anything to live on. We subtracted that amount from our support figure. My lawyer made clear to the court that the BAH was not money out of ex's pocket, and that if he didn't give it to me, he wouldn't have it. The judge nodded. So I don't know what he will make of that.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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If my son was in the same situation, he would be paying 1378 a month in support, and he has been in the military for three months.....
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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You mean 1378 in BAH? If so, yeah, that's the difference between the AF and the Army.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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[quote]Finally a voice of reason! Thanks, Red. And you are right that I did not ask for his retirement.
[/quote]
I don't see why you would have asked for retirement on a 13 month marriage. That is ridiculous. He could have asked for yours too then as you worked before him. That does not make you a saint.
I really do not understand why Red constantly brings military retirement into everything. Someone can say "I have been married 6 months and wanta divorce" and Red is posting the fax number to DFAS and posting the USFSPA. I don't get it.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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