Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"She handled it how she handled it."
One size does not fit all. We've all made decisions that turned out not so good in hind sight. To beat someone up for not acting rationally or logically in an abusive situation is sad at best. As to what is fair and isn't fair for her to receive... too many factors I'm not familiar with for me to judge. I hope the outcome will be fair for all parties involved and will give some closure on these events, an opportunity to move on and start over.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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An opportunity to move on and gain closure would not include dragging out a divorce for three years and asking for 50K. If you are so scared that you are hiding in parking lots for days I don't see how pi$$ing this violent man off further would be a smart thing to do. Different strokes for different folks I guess...
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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"Your marriage was too short for you to get anything that even resembles what you are asking for. Bad behavior on his part doesn't not mean money for you. That his bad behavior made your decisions go from "risky" to "very Bad idea" does not equal compensation for you."
You are wrong:
§ 20-107.1.
"E. The court, in determining whether to award support and maintenance for a spouse, shall consider the circumstances and factors which contributed to the dissolution of the marriage, specifically including adultery and any other ground for divorce under the provisions of subdivision (3) or (6) of § 20-91 or § 20-95. In determining the nature, amount and duration of an award pursuant to this section, the court shall consider the following:
1. The obligations, needs and financial resources of the parties, including but not limited to income from all pension, profit sharing or retirement plans, of whatever nature;
2. The standard of living established during the marriage;
3. The duration of the marriage;
4. The age and physical and mental condition of the parties and any special circumstances of the family;
5. The extent to which the age, physical or mental condition or special circumstances of any child of the parties would make it appropriate that a party not seek employment outside of the home;
6. The contributions, monetary and nonmonetary, of each party to the well-being of the family;
7. The property interests of the parties, both real and personal, tangible and intangible;
8. The provisions made with regard to the marital property under § 20-107.3;
9. The earning capacity, including the skills, education and training of the parties and the present employment opportunities for persons possessing such earning capacity;
10. The opportunity for, ability of, and the time and costs involved for a party to acquire the appropriate education, training and employment to obtain the skills needed to enhance his or her earning ability;
11. The decisions regarding employment, career, economics, education and parenting arrangements made by the parties during the marriage and their effect on present and future earning potential, including the length of time one or both of the parties have been absent from the job market;
12. The extent to which either party has contributed to the attainment of education, training, career position or profession of the other party; and
13. Such other factors, including the tax consequences to each party, as are necessary to consider the equities between the parties." [b]the circumstances and factors which contributed to the dissolution of the marriage, specifically including adultery and any other ground for divorce under the provisions of subdivision (3) or (6) of § 20-91 or § 20-95. [/b]
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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"He could have asked for yours too then as you worked before him. That does not make you a saint."
I did not contribute to any retirement while in VA. My contributions when back in NY are so minor, it would be pennies for him. I would have been able to ASK for the amount for the the time we were married, which is 3 years, 7 months. Married in Dec. 06. Divorced in July 10.
I don't think I'm a saint. That was unnecessarily sarcastic.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Sorry the "saint" comment was more for Redlegg.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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"An opportunity to move on and gain closure would not include dragging out a divorce for three years . . ."
Again, I did not drag out the divorce. Repeat, I did not drag out the divorce. Why does everyone think I dragged it out? I had no funds to proceed. I tried to get free legal help. I talked to 4 lawyers, but could not afford their fees. After one year, he filed. I had to borrow money from my dad in a short time to get a lawyer to answer it. I did not want to ask him or anyone for money, but I had no choice at that point. The rest I've already explained. He deployed, twice. He could have come back to answer our request for temporary support, but he didn't want to. He went on a diving vacation, instead, and did not even ask his CO if he could take leave. Didn't I already tell you this? But you seem bent on blaming me for the whole thing taking so long.
"If you are so scared that you are hiding in parking lots for days I don't see how pi$$ing this violent man off further would be a smart thing to do. Different strokes for different folks I guess... "
Now, everyone knows what he did. The judge in VA did not give him a free pass on his behavior. He was actually very compassionate toward me when I explained what happened. If he came around me and threatened me in any way, I'd surely be able to get an order of protection, especially in NY. I am not in a military town anymore, and police and courts around here will not protect him. The police here know of my fears. The judge here knows. I am definitely safer here.
Are you suggesting that I WANT him to come near me?
"Different strokes..."
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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Thanks for your good sense, Sherron. I also only want what's fair for each of us AND to be able to get a decent life back. I think I made that clear to the court.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26700
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I really do not understand why Red constantly brings military retirement into everything. Someone can say "I have been married 6 months and wanta divorce" and Red is posting the fax number to DFAS and posting the USFSPA. I don't get it.
Why wouldn't you, it is a part of the deal. It is property that is divisible by law. It by no means is a lock that you are going to get it, but it is like telling someone not to ask about any equity in a house. I don't agree with the way it is set up, but it does exist. Why should anyone not be told about property they may be entitled to ?
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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"That his bad behavior made your decisions go from "risky" to "very Bad idea" does not equal compensation for you."
His behavior made staying in that town risky for me. Get it? HIS behavior, not mine. I made a very good decision to leave. If I'd have stayed and he assaulted me again, you would be correct in saying that I made a very bad decision. What I'm seeing here is people blaming the victim for leaving. That is incredibly wrong and I'm amazed that people are so cruel. I've read about such responses, but I didn't really thank I'd find that attitude in here.
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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I'm assuming that Miranda would not ever mention retirement to a military spouse. I don't get that.
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