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camguy
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Reged: 12/15/10
Posts: 7
how to adjust
      #714730 - 12/15/10 09:42 PM

Hello all, I guess I'm just trying to find a way to adjust after divorce from my now ex wife. We were together for 18 years, married for 13. It's been 6 months since this all started and it was very sudden, and I've been deeply depressed ever since. For the last five years I have been a stay at home dad with two daughters and am having a hard time getting back to taking care of myself. The job market stinks and I have never balanced a check book or paid bills and it's really hard. For the sake of my children I have not gone after the ex for support and walked away with nothing but a broken heart.
I have the girls every weekend and up till now have covered the bills but am facing some hard times. Luckily I was able to land a very good job but after business dropped off a couple weeks ago I was let go and have been unable to find anything yet.
I'm done feeling sorry for myself and refuse to live in anger and bitterness any more. Communication with the ex is hard as she will only do so through text message or email and continues to lie and tell half truths to get her way. I no longer cling to the foolish hope of reconciling and just want to have a healthy relationship and well adjusted kids.
Still have trouble sleeping through the night and just want to get better. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, she got all the friends in the divorce and I haven't had too many people to turn to for advice.
Alex :confused:


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newlife2day
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Reged: 09/16/10
Posts: 12
Re: how to adjust [Re: camguy]
      #714852 - 12/16/10 12:42 PM

Here is what I just wrote in another post....

build a support network for yourself, get to a therapist, looking into any divorce recovery groups in your area. I highly recommend the Rebuilding Seminars, and the book they are based on "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" by bruce fisher.
It really really helps to connect with others who are going through/have gone through this.
Also, this forum has more activity and I think you can get more support.
[censored]://[censored].divorcesupport.com/ubbthreads/postlist.php/Cat/0/Board/After

take it a moment at a time..it does get easier..this is probably one of the most intense experiences you will ever go through and it can make you a stronger, more compassionate person if you allow it.


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camguy
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Reged: 12/15/10
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Re: how to adjust [Re: newlife2day]
      #715081 - 12/16/10 09:25 PM

Thanks newlife2day, I read that post and have heard the same advice before, guess I was just feeling pretty down last night. Kinda goes like that, sometimes I think I'm getting over it, and bam the hurt hits me again. Just need more time I think. At least I have regained my sense of humor which I didn't even know was gone until I started laughing the other day about something. Maybe just need someone to listen and I'll look into a group and the reading you've suggested. Thanks,
Alex


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jcham
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Reged: 01/07/11
Posts: 12
Re: how to adjust [Re: camguy]
      #722082 - 01/07/11 04:53 PM

I am trying to adjust any way I can. The first 4 months I dont remember sleeping in our bed, I washed my hair with our sons shampoo for 6 months, took the ring on took it off, put the pictures up, took them down, I watch a lot of movies, try to be as social as I can with who ever I can but people get burnt out as I am always talking about it, it seems nothing else matters. I called a support group today and in reading the web page that got me to this fourm it helped as I have been asking myself the same questions over and over and over again. I'm just trying to adjust any way I can, however I can. Some nights I sleep on the couch, others in my bed, last night I couldnt sleep as my head was still spinning as I am trying to put together a visitation package with my son, I want home visits on the weekends it is whats best for him but ya I couldnt sleep last night. I have a pc in my room and play movies on it and that sometimes helps me, just hearing noise or what ever sometimes helps me sleep. I just dont think there is an easy solution out of all this, the four letter work time and when I hear that all I want to do is break all the clocks in the world. Just want you to know it sucks for me too and I dont know how to adjust and maybe today I dont have to know, maybe today I just have to be miserable and accept it for what it is, I dont know, marriage to me was forever not just a fantastic night under the stars, I wonder if I am alone in this she doesnt seem to care or be bothered with any of this.

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