sugarb
enthusiast
Reged: 12/16/04
Posts: 375
Loc: In the Heartland on America
|
|
Of course now our "Crusader" has nothing to say....
|
rockyroad
recently joined
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 5
|
|
The equal pay argument always puzzles me. I am not aware of any company consciously paying women less for the same job. While women as a group may have less experience due to time out of the workforce to raise a family, we can't expect that to be equalized in some way to pay a woman with less job related experience, the same as a more experienced man.
I have only recently started reading this forum, but it seems the gender camps are polarized about alimony. True there are a lot of deadbeat men who abandon their families. Unfortunately, that's an individual issue. Regardless of the law, these guys still won't pay what the law demands. Having to face the prospect of alimony for life is chilling to me and I believe profoundly unfair!
I am reading a lot about how the wife has sacrificed to be home with the children, so she deserves the right to continue to be able to live in the lifestyle she is accustom to. From one male, I see that she has been privileged to be part of their young lives, molding them into adults. I would have been glad to trade places with her at any time and offered that.
On the other hand, because of my efforts, she has lived in great comfort, with a large home in an affluent community, cleaning service so she doesn't have to do that, dining out regularly because of no time to prepare meals as she chauffeurs the children to therapy appointments. Let's not forget the annual vacations and monthly entertainment of concerts, sporting events, etc.
I see little said here regarding the stress placed on the working spouse. Supporting a family as a sole breadwinner is a tremendous challenge these days. Having the demands of a career and a family is a heavy weight. I think most fathers are trying to do the right thing and provide a comfortable life for their family. Adding the burden of lifetime support for their ex-wife, is something I find hard to reconcile. Why shouldn't walking away with a sizeable estate and some transitionary assistance be enough? I am excluding the issue of children. I have no problem providing for their welfare to the maximum extent possible until they are adults. I think most men feel that way about their kids.
The more I have to think about the issue of alimony, the more it seems so bizarre in this day and age. I guess as long as it gets represented as a woman's issue it will never change. I understand there are some radical individuals on this forum who rant about this, but while their delivery may be hard to take, what is wrong with the message?
|
ohiomom
journeyman
Reged: 01/19/05
Posts: 82
|
|
I am reading a lot about how the wife has sacrificed to be home with the children, so she deserves the right to continue to be able to live in the lifestyle she is accustom to.
----------------------------------
It's not about what SHE deserves, it has a lot more to do with the children having the same lifestyle they would have had if their parents were still together. and I guess I could be mistaken, but I would assume if a woman made more money then her ex-h, she would be paying HIM alimony.
|
kiddatado
recently joined
Reged: 02/17/05
Posts: 4
Loc: New Jersey
|
|
Perhaps I can clear up the confusion you express regarding “equal pay.”
The matter of pay inequity goes beyond a simple comparison of the same job; it has to do with gender- oriented jobs, and sex discrimination that has found clever ways in which to disguise itself and remain in existence. According to several studies done since 1998, (including Gasser et al) male oriented jobs tended to elicit higher pay than did female-oriented jobs. For example; a woman with an Associates Degree can expect to make between ten and twelve dollars and hour in an administrative position such as administrative assistant or paralegal, while a man with a high school diploma can expect to make at least fifteen dollars an hour in a manual labor position such as mechanic or truck driver. In the matter of pay inequity, many corporations find ways to pay men more by simply “renaming” his position; paying him more for the same work that his female counterpart performs. A study presented at Duke University found that male bank tellers receive from five to thirty one dollars per week more than women bank tellers because of a job classification system that gives men a different job title than women. Additionally, many of these women do not enjoy the rights covered under the Civil Rights Act of 1964 because that act has no jurisdiction over religious, educational, or federal institutions.
It would serve all fathers paying child support to remove the blinders they wear regarding the equal pay issue; The so-called “deadbeat dad” issue might be significantly alleviated were women to receive a more livable wage comparable to that of the dad paying child support.
A fact that may warm your “chill” about the prospect of alimony…
At the present time, a very small percentage of divorces or separations even involve the payment of alimony; of those that do, an even smaller number receive alimony for more than a brief period of time. According to Gayle Rosenwald Smith a Philadelphia Lawyer, “alimony is awarded in only 15 percent of divorce cases.”
There is very little, however, to warm the chilling reality of my prospects and how they relate to alimony, or the lack thereof. Having served my husband and family faithfully for 30 years, I can look forward to expiring on the job of a discount chain superstore in my golden years, re-stocking the plastic flowers in the craft department; “Clean up on eisle five!” I cannot look forward to retiring at the age of 65, lest I choose to be homeless and eat out of supermarket dumpsters. I have lost the investment I’d made to a secure retirement when I allowed my husband to earn that privilege while I took care of his family, home, and eventually business. I cannot hope to make a living wage, starting over at the age of 52 with no job experience or work history (both of which my husband DOES take with him in part due to my sacrifices made in the marriage). Chilled? I am frozen in fear for my so-called future.
I would echo your sentiments regarding the “privilege” of being a part of our children’s lives; raising them to be good, decent, compassionate adults. But it is a privilege that comes at a heavy price; a price that I gladly paid. Unfortunately, I will continue paying that price for the rest of my days here on earth. Should you have “traded places” with your wife as you wished, your family may well have paid that price as well; with a lesser income and lifestyle due to the likelihood that your wife would not have earned the same income and benefits that you earned.
This “great comfort” to which you refer as afforded the “non-working” spouse; It must be hidden somewhere in the “Ivory Tower” in which you reside. The fact is, that most “non-working” spouses do not enjoy such “great comforts” as “large homes in.. affluent communit[ies].. cleaning service[s],…and…dining out regularly.” Most “non-working” spouses spend most of their waking hours performing these duties, and then some. They “work” in the purest sense of the word, though not in the traditional sense of receiving a paycheck for said work. Nor do they receive retirement benefits, social security benefits, overtime, or paid vacation. However, if “work” is only validated when accompanied by monetary concerns, then perhaps you might consider the “investment” these “non-workers” make; the investment in family, the investment in the commitment made to each other and their future together, the investment of the sacrifice made in her loss of benefits during the “non-work” time, so that the “worker” could acquire more. This “investment” holds enough value for the IRS to consider; were it to be calculated and occupy a column on a 1040 form.
It seems that for you, the paycheck not only validates work, but it also voids stress and declares victors in some sort of “wage war.” According to the National Child Care Association, more than two-thirds of America’s families consist of working mothers with children under the age of five. I’m sure that these women could elaborate on that “tremendous challenge” to which you refer in the stress of managing career and family. And while the AFL-CIO reports that most of these working mothers work on average of 40 OR MORE hours per week, the fact that they earn less than their male counterparts for those hours does not mean that they had nothing to do with that loaf of bread sitting on the table at dinnertime. “Breadwinner?” I doubt the “breadloser” knew she was in a race; rather she believed she was part of the same team. Perhaps after the words “I now pronounce you Man and Wife,” the officiate should raise a pistol and add, “on your mark, get ready” and pull the trigger.
I believe that you find alimony of any sort as “hard to reconcile,” precisely because you fail to look beyond the math - the addition and subtraction from your own wallet, the dollars and cents – to see the human element, the reality outside your Ivory Tower. As long as people as yourself, along with our Courts, continue to simply do the math and keep humanity out of the equation; women and children will continue to maintain their place as the majority of those in poverty, they will continue to experience triple the income drop as men after divorce, and the commitment of marriage will continue to lose it’s value.
|
Amalgekdemrer
recently joined
Reged: 12/16/10
Posts: 15
|
|
Post deleted by dsAdmin
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
[Re: 
Edit
Reply
Quote
