MamaK
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 11
|
|
Long story short, I live with and love very much someone who sees 41% of his paycheck after taxes (his "wife" says he's not allowed to claim the kids he keeps a roof over) and child support. He has not been able to afford to file divorce until just recently (rent on an apartment is more than one of his checks). We have a 2-year-old son with special needs.
Had I known how long he had been separated without a divorce prior to having my child I might not have stayed. But over the past 3 years I have seen how evil, greedy and dishonest his wife is, and what good is it going to do for my son or for him if I just leave? I'm not treated badly, and eventually he has to be able to get divorced from this woman (she needs 60% of his money, but says she has all the money in the world to fight the divorce).
His daughters from his marriage are almost 18. Their mother lied when she filed for child support, saying that he wasn't supporting his kids (but they had a joint account that she would empty every one of his paydays...and we can pull the bank statements on that one). This automatically put him in arrears. Also, she always tries to get him to pay for her legal fees. This is crippling him, this man can't have a life because of all the debt she is drumming up (she's taken credit out in his name as well).
My question is, due to the fact that he has one more child, can he get his child support modified? Also, according to his state's calculations, he contributes the greater half of monetarial support (he pays for their rent and utilities, as well as the girls' health insurance). He struggles to live while they go see American Idol. How is this fair?
A mutual friend in the state where he used to live (and the state where the child support is decided) said that every three years you can have the child-support revisited. All we would like is for the fraudulent arrears to be taken off, let her pay her own legal fees. He'd still be in arrears, but that'd be taken care of in a year's time (he was unemployed for 9 months several years ago). Also, why can't the mother pay her own rent? She gets section 8, we qualify for nothing because of what he "makes". We were lucky to get free services for my kid's autism.
Once the father has another kid, can the child support be re-visited? Either way, I'll be glad when the end of 2014 gets here, he'll finally be able to move on, own a home, have a life.
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
Has anyone filed for divorce? He needs to do that ASAP and get a child suppport modification.
What state are you in?
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
MamaK
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 11
|
|
We are in VA, she is in NC. The child support was decided in MD, and they told him that he didn't have to get it transferred if he didn't want to. He filed for divorce, she got served yesterday, but she's refusing to sign. She refused to file for divorce because she didn't want to pay for it, but now she claims she has all the money in the world to fight it.
You know, if he had to pay what he's paying for the next few years (the legit arrears would have him paying until the girls are 19, but the illegit arrears would be another yaer), fine...but we want to move on. It's been very difficult, I got very sick shortly after getting pregnant, and it's been very hard to live up here in the DC area. Where she lives the cost of living is not even a fraction of what it is here and she brags that she doesn't struggle.
He's going to contest the visitation, but at this point she's priming one child to attack me when she shows up ("say what you want baby, and I'll back you"), and the other one just feels confused. I feel for both girls.
Ultimately we just want to get the divorce done. The modification would help with the bottom line and getting our bills paid on time (I'm volleying back and forth between trying to work and just going on disability but we can't handle that 5 months of no money from my end), but if it has to stick, so be it. He's still going to be helping his daughters (even if they don't know it right now) long after they're 18.
|
MamaK
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 11
|
|
Oh, and he's a federal employee, so they make sure he's in complete compliance. Not to mention, his pay is being garnished because of an apartment she got in his name (that he never lived in) with a military power of attorney that she has the only copy to, but it's not even valid, wasn't even valid then because he'd gotten out of the military years ago.
She doesn't love him, doesn't want him, but loves to exploit his name. *sigh* And it's tearing him up emotionally. He just wants to see his kids, be a parent (she won't even talk to him about them) and be able to feed himself and our son. It's not even about me, I'm going to keep bringing in money, I have to.
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
How long have they been separated. The longer the status quo the harder it is to fight it.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
MamaK
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 11
|
|
12 yrs. The biggest issue is that she lied about her finances during all this time. Three days before she filed for child support she emptied out his bank account. He had just gotten out of the military, and it was hard to change that direct deposit. For the six months that he got severance pay, she'd go at midnight and take out all his money...while she was getting child support. They were in two different states. Where I live, your child support is factored into any assistance you get. I don't know if it's different where she is, but it seems like she's getting off to well...
My brother paid $900 a month for several years because of the dishonesty of his daughter's mother (she had him paying for a child that wasn't his...she had a friend in the CS office). He fought it and got it lowered to $185.
|
DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
|
|
They've been separated for 12 years?
It's not worth fighting.
Get the divorce and pay the arrears.
It sounds like his support order has not been for the full time. If she's getting public assistance, he is lucky they aren't going back to day 1 (if that's the case).
|
MamaK
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 11
|
|
Okay, so even though she committed welfare fraud, she is still entitled? Well, I'm in touch with the county in that area and they can investigate.
He is not paying her legal fees, we will get in touch with a lawyer for that. The legit arrears, fine. But we're not paying for her fraud. There is no reason to do so.
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
OK well why didnt he turn her in 12 years ago? You can't complain now after 12 years, I mean come on. There is really no excuse for him to have waited 12 freakin years.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
|
|
Hire an attorney then. It should cost probably 2-10K, and CS probably won't be reduced. After you turn the ex in, the state may go back the full 12 year for arrears.
If there's fraud, it's against the taxpayers, not you. If she emptied his bank accounts all these years, that's his problem. He should have payed by automatic withdrawal through the child support folks starting 12 years ago, and his CS would probably have been closer to 30%.
But, be as foolish as you want. It doesn't matter to me.
|
googledad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/31/05
Posts: 10207
|
|
Sorry , arrearages can't be waived unless she agrees to it .
--------------------
Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
They have been separated for 12 years????? And he kept putting his paycheck in the joint account AFTER she pulled everything out of it?????
Well, he's in no hurry to get a divorce, now is he?
When someone wants a divorce, even with someone fighting it, it typically doesn't take 12 years to obtain.
|
1966Gal
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 10098
|
|
Ditto. If they were seperated, why would he still have his money being put into a joint account? Even if he did, you'd think after the first time she took money out of it, he'd stop direct-depositing into that account.
They've been seperated for TWELVE YEARS, but no one ever filed for divorce until this week? How is it that CS was ordered when no divorce was ever filed?
--------------------
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.
|
1966Gal
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 10098
|
|
Had I known how long he had been separated without a divorce prior to having my child I might not have stayed.
+++++++
You slept with and had a child with a man when you didn't even know how long he had been seperated?
Sorry, but what you are dealing with now are the consequences for YOUR actions and choices.
--------------------
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.
|
1966Gal
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 10098
|
|
we would like is for the fraudulent arrears to be taken off, let her pay her own legal fees.
+++++++
What part of his arrears are fraudlent? You said that she took money out of their JOINT ACCOUNT. Any money in a JOINT account belongs as much to her as it does to him. You said that "every pay check" she would drain his account...and they he would still owe CS on top of that. Why did that happen after the first time? Something is very screwy here. If someone is draining my checking account against my will, I stop putting money into that account. They I formally write them a CS check so I don't go into arrears.
The fact that he allowed this to continue over and over and over again tells me, and probably the courts, that he was in agreement with it.
--------------------
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.
|
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
|
|
"He has not been able to afford to file divorce until just recently."
-----> He has not WANTED to file for divorce until recently. it doesn't take 12 years to be able to file for divorce even if you have to do it Pro Se.
Their mother lied when she filed for child support, saying that he wasn't supporting his kids (but they had a joint account that she would empty every one of his paydays...and we can pull the bank statements on that one).
-----> If they are married it's her money too. I'm sure he has bank statements but she probably has records showing she was paying house hold bills and taking care of the kids with that money. Even if she was spending it on herself they ARE MARRIED. There is nothing legally dishonest about that. Apparently he did not do enough to prove that he was supporting the kids when the order was issued.
"His daughters from his marriage are almost 18. My question is, due to the fact that he has one more child, can he get his child support modified?"
----> Probably but how close to 18 are they? The arrears are not going to be dropped or changed even if the base CS is lowered, and being that there are 2 of them it's probably not going to go down by much. He also needs to take into consideration his income then from now. If it's gone up credit for another child could even make it a wash.
----> If all the money is CS and she is getting assistance she is not doing anything "fraudulant". The state KNOWS how much money to the penny she gets from him. If she still qualifies it's on the up and up. In some states CS is not counted for ALL assistance. The CS I receive is not taken into account for daycare assistance, only what I make. When I was unemployed for 9 months I lived on my 401K and didn't apply for foodstamps until my UE ran out (that was before you could get UE for 5 freaking years with all of the extensions) and was asked why I didn't apply sooner. The 401K would not have been considered "income". So my question is....Can you prove she is committing fraud anywhere? I'm guessing not. It's just sour grapes and you don't want to admit you are the one who has made a bad choice in a man.
--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
|
DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
|
|
I'm under the impression the fraud is she received welfare cash (based on that she lived in Section 8 housing), and never declared the money she was getting from the shared account each month. Had she declared that money, she would have received less or no cash assistance each month.
Regardless, it won't help the OP financially. The arrears are probably owed to the state....there's no chance of getting those waived.
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
I am sorry but it is not hard to change direct deposit. You can do it online with mypay and it is changed by the next pay day.
Also I read it that she took money out during the 6 months of severance pay ( I have never heard of severance pay unless he got out at "higher tenure" and that is not severance pay)not for the last 12 years.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
MamaK
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 11
|
|
Why are there so many people here willing to play the part of the judge? How would you like it if someone cheated on you, took a power of attorney to take credit out in your name (and not hers) while you were out of the country, get apartments in your name, brainwash your kids, sit in your parents' house pregnant with someone else's child...not to mention have her family beat you....would you, feeling you were alone fight back?
No, I haven't made a bad choice in a man at all you a$$hole debi. Even if nothing gets changed, I will stay with him because he saved my life. NONE of you judgmental pricks know the whole story. I almost died and that man stayed by me when my family ignored me. He is a good person who has been cowed by our shitty family legal system like many men. How does that make HIM the bad person? He made a mistake in not telling me exactly how long he'd been separated, but he's made up for that in many ways. I'm sorry that ALL OF YOU WHO FEEL THE NEED TO JUDGE ME have had such horrid lives that you have to say the things you do, but you can suck it majorly, ok?
I see why many men just give up, with attitudes like I've seen here, why not? YES he waited too long to do what he should have done...but when [censored] of all whores has put you out of your house, is taking your money, lying to the men in her family so they attaack you, what would YOU do? Jeez.
Either way, it's 3 years tops that cankerwhore and her spoiled girls keep getting this money. I can wait. My son doesn't deserve poverty because of this woman.
Thank you to the handful of people on this thread and others who have responded in a mature manner. The rest of you can suck it.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
What you will find on here is a number of women who, while EMOTIONALLY scarred by their divorces, were not FINANCIALLY scarred. I have been in his shoes. It is easy to say, "Well, just go PAY someone to do ____." But when you do not have the MONEY, it can be a daunting task.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
MamaK
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 11
|
|
I keep forgetting....on the internet lurk people who are sick in their minds and love to have fun trying to say things that will hurt others.
Taking a military power of attorney and getting an apartment that is not in your name (we didn't find out about that until 2 months ago but it was done in 2004) is FRAUD. We didn't get the cell phone bills until last year. The numbers originate from her state.
I don't even know why I'm giving you folks sport, you're all so smart and have done things so much better. Foolish indeed. Step into his shoes so called dedicated dad. I bet you haven't done half that he has! And gotten crapped on. My brother has been through the same. Oh, and psychic one, he pays automatically.
Why did I even bother asking, 99% of you are not here to help, you're here because you have nothing else better to do at work.
|
MamaK
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 11
|
|
[quote]What you will find on here is a number of women who, while EMOTIONALLY scarred by their divorces, were not FINANCIALLY scarred. I have been in his shoes. It is easy to say, "Well, just go PAY someone to do ____." But when you do not have the MONEY, it can be a daunting task. [/quote]
THANK YOU. He doesn't have the money after trying to live in a place that requires double what he has after all the taxes and child support are taken out. Where's the money to hire the lawyer when you're trying to eat, clothe yourself and family and keep a roof over your head?
He supports FIVE PEOPLE without complaint, the child support keeps a roof over [censored]'s head. A lot of people are asking why he didn't fight back sooner, but that doesn't make him a bad person, it makes him a grieving person over someone he thought loved him who ruined his life, keeps his kids from him (you still have to pay filing fees to go to court), and continues to feel like she's owed money.
There are obviously a lot of bitter people on here who don't get it at all. But I appreciate that you have.
My brother had to pay $900 a month in child support (he brought home maybe $400 a month after that) for his daughter and a child that wasn't his because his [censored] babymama knew someone in the CS office! Does that make him a fool??? Jeez!
|
MamaK
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 11
|
|
[quote]Had I known how long he had been separated without a divorce prior to having my child I might not have stayed.
+++++++
You slept with and had a child with a man when you didn't even know how long he had been seperated?
Sorry, but what you are dealing with now are the consequences for YOUR actions and choices. [/quote]
You must be a fundie Christian. Only a crazy right-winger would talk out of her sphinchter muscle like that.
He told me he was separated. I thought that meant the divorce was in progress. MY BAD CANKERWHORE. DO YOU THINK I DIDN'T ASK? WELL CANKERWHORE, MY STROKE HISTORY COMPLICATED MY PREGNANCY...and we went from being a two-income couple to a one-income family REALLY QUICKLY. Eating became more important than getting revenge. I hope you're sitting well on your alimony. What part of I was decived did you not understand, and who the [censored] are you to judge me?
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
Wow. You seem to be the one with some emotional problems.
THe bottom line is, is that he is still legally married to her so unless he does something to stop the madness it is going to continue. He has chosen it for the last 12 years now.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
[quote]What you will find on here is a number of women who, while EMOTIONALLY scarred by their divorces, were not FINANCIALLY scarred. I have been in his shoes. It is easy to say, "Well, just go PAY someone to do ____." But when you do not have the MONEY, it can be a daunting task. [/quote]
First off that is untrue. Secondly if that was the case you don't wait 12 years to change things. If you got robbed 12 years ago, you should have acted then. There is not much you can do about it now 12 years later as they are still married.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
It can cost a LOT to get divorced, and some simply do not have the money.
"First off that is untrue."
So are you saying there are NOT women on here for who money is not an issue, or at least the amount to hire a lawyer and file for divorce?
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
[quote]It can cost a LOT to get divorced, and some simply do not have the money.
"First off that is untrue."
So are you saying there are NOT women on here for who money is not an issue, or at least the amount to hire a lawyer and file for divorce? [/quote]
Huh? I was referring your comment about being emotionally scarred versus finacially scarred.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
So there are not women on here who do not have money problems from the divorce, but are emotionally scarred?
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
|
|
"Thank you to the handful of people on this thread and others who have responded in a mature manner. The rest of you can suck it. "
Lol.
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
[quote]So there are not women on here who do not have money problems from the divorce, but are emotionally scarred? [/quote]
What? I feel like I am bantering with Yoda.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
|
|
How would you know what 99% of the ppl here do or are like? Sometimes the advice here can be harsh...but most of us have been there and done that. If/When a judge says the same to you (or your boyfriend), is this how you are going to react?
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
|
|
"What? I feel like I am bantering with Yoda."
Nice... **gigglesnort**
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
Lose this arguement, you will...LOL
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
[quote]Lose this arguement, you will...LOL [/quote]
I so knew you would do that!! LOL...
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
That is because the force is strong in you, young Website Writer...
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
[quote]Why are there so many people here willing to play the part of the judge? How would you like it if someone cheated on you, [/quote]
I don't know. But you can always ask your married boyfriend's stbx, after all, he has been cheating with you all the while married to her. He even had a kid with you.
You are living in a glass house, you may not want to throw any stones.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
Yeah, his ex's screws him to the wall while he is out of the country, and SHE should feel guilty for "cheating". STFU, you are just IGNORANT.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
[quote][quote]Had I known how long he had been separated without a divorce prior to having my child I might not have stayed.
+++++++
You slept with and had a child with a man when you didn't even know how long he had been seperated?
Sorry, but what you are dealing with now are the consequences for YOUR actions and choices. [/quote]
You must be a fundie Christian. Only a crazy right-winger would talk out of her sphinchter muscle like that.
[/quote]
Before you go accusing me of being a fundie Christian, I am an atheist.
To be honest, she has a very good point. Personally, I won't date any man who is married, whether he's separated or not. And if I were to date a separated man, the first question I would ask is how long he has been separated.
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
[quote]Yeah, his ex's screws him to the wall while he is out of the country, and SHE should feel guilty for "cheating". STFU, you are just IGNORANT. [/quote]
The only ignorant one here is you.
Her cheating is wrong. But the other woman here complaining about it all the while she is living with a married man and had a child with him is rather hypocritical. Of course, I wouldn't expect someone like you to get that.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
You do understand the difference between cheating on a person with whom you are in a committed relationship, and dating/sleeping with a person who is only married to a person because they can't afford to severe the state paperwork.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
[quote]You do understand the difference between cheating on a person with whom you are in a committed relationship, and dating/sleeping with a person who is only married to a person because they can't afford to severe the state paperwork. [/quote]
As long as he is married, he is in a committed relationship. Hence the reason why I don't date married men, separated or not.
It doesn't take 12 YEARS to obtain a divorce unless one really doesn't want one.
The OP is living in a glass house and is throwing stones. For one thing, she didn't even know how long her married boyfriend was separated before she had a kid with him.
While what the maybe stbx (who knows if he actually wants to get a divorce, he could just be lying to the OP) did was wrong, it doesn't change the fact that he is still a married man. And if he really wanted the divorce, he would have done everything in his power to get one. Including learning about how to do it Pro Se.
Second, he's separated from someone who has power of attorney and he doesn't bother to check his credit report? How stupid is that? And the OP is sitting here complaining about how the maybe stbx opened credit in his name. Well, he could have taken care of that long ago with a simple credit check.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
"As long as he is married, he is in a committed relationship."
WRONG.
"It doesn't take 12 YEARS to obtain a divorce unless one really doesn't want one."
Really? It took me three years to get MY divorce, and I filed the day I moved OUT.
"And if he really wanted the divorce, he would have done everything in his power to get one. Including learning about how to do it Pro Se."
Pro Se still involves FINDING her, and paying the filing fee, which can be in the HUNDREDS of dollars. Of course, that doesn't sound like much, but when you are barely left with enough money to LIVE, it might as well be a MILLION.
"Second, he's separated from someone who has power of attorney and he doesn't bother to check his credit report? How stupid is that?"
Yeah, cause when you are scrambling to LIVE, your CREDIT REPORT is the first thing on your mind, right? Spoken like a TYPICAL person who has NEVER been in such a situation.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
Cheating is not relevant in this situation.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
|
|
Troll. Nice jab by the way about Gal's alimony. So who are you really?
|
javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
|
|
So you're saying there is absolutely NO WAY he could've found a way to squirrel away some $ in 12 YEARS worth of paychecks to file?
C'mon Gr8dad... while I DO get that he was in a damn difficult situation that I wouldn't wish on any one, is he not responsible AT ALL for his own actions, or lack thereof?
Whatever his challenges were, there's no denying he's not made it a priority to FIND A WAY to get it done. Not until he had a new family.
None of that matters though, because getting a cs mod will be a crapshoot. OP, if he's had a significant change in circumstances since the original order was filed he may have a chance. However, as already mentioned, if he's paying below guidelines now, asking for the mod may at best, be a wash, and at worse, be an increase. Find a cs calculator for your state, drop the numbers in and see where he stands.
OP you may also want to grow a thicker skin. If you open this can of worms and have to deal with his wife, or the judge, and you react with that mouth? Your boyfriend will suffer for it. Thats unsolicited advice, take it or leave it.
--------------------
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
|
javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
|
|
[quote]Troll. Nice jab by the way about Gal's alimony. So who are you really? [/quote]
The name reminds me of an old poster, Mama Kitty. She went out in a blaze of flames if I recall correctly.
--------------------
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30210
|
|
Well, if your income is, say, $1000 a month after child support, and your rent and utilities comes to $750, and your food and entertainment comes to $300, then no, you cannot.
I am not saying that he COULDN'T have done it, but I have been in the position of thinking, "WTF, I am going to lose, she has me over a barrel, so what is the point?"
Look at MT's case. An OBVIOUS slam dunk..and the guy loses.
Honestly, and this is NOT a slam on women in general, but you REALLY have NO idea what it is like being a man going into a family law court. You watch guy after guy get screwed over, the courts assist women FAR more than men (there are excpetions, but they are rare) and you are treated like a CRIMINAL from day one.
Yes, some succeed, but you have to be strong willed and be able to take a beating. On top of that, it takes a LOT of money, which many men are denied because of the temporary orders which sap your income from the get go.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
|
|
I get your POV Gr8dad, I do. My SO has been very lucky in his situation, and we've discussed on more than one occasion what would happen if BM took him to court. Given her history, and the education I've recvd from this board over the years, I've no doubt he'd prevail, but the COST of even going to court.... not something we'd want to deal with. We'd do it but we wouldn't like it.
In the OPs case, none of the speculation over letting it go for 12 yrs really matters. Neither do his reasons really. If they land in court now, I'd hate his chances for a mod.
--------------------
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
|
M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
|
|
I was thinking of the same thing!
|
finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
|
|
"Pro Se still involves FINDING her, and paying the filing fee, which can be in the HUNDREDS of dollars. Of course, that doesn't sound like much, but when you are barely left with enough money to LIVE, it might as well be a MILLION."
*************************************************
Wouldn't he have had more money if he made a 3 minute call to his bank and changed his direct deposit to a new account ? Preferrably 12 YEARS AGO ?!?!
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
[quote]Cheating is not relevant in this situation. [/quote]
I agree it isn't relevant. But the original poster DID bring up her bf's stbx cheating all the while living with a married man. Had she not brought it up, I wouldn't have mentioned it at all.
|
1966Gal
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 10098
|
|
Hmmm....Couldn't come up witn enough money, in TWELVE YEARS, to file for divorce. But could afford to go ahead and have another kid????
Couldn't, in TWELVE YEARS, change direct deposit? Instead, let his WIFE take money out of their JOINT account over and over and over again???
How many of us, after we seperated, continued to share accounts with our stbx's, even AFTER they repeated drained our accounts over and over and over again, leaving us with nothing??? Come on, don't everyone raise their hands all at once. How many would continue to have their pay direct deposited into that account???
Troll.
--------------------
The Gov cannot give anything to anyone - that they have not first taken away from someone else.
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
Troll or stupid. I haven't decided.
|
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
|
|
"I'm under the impression the fraud is she received welfare cash (based on that she lived in Section 8 housing), and never declared the money she was getting from the shared account each month. Had she declared that money, she would have received less or no cash assistance each month."
It could be but I find it hard to believe if her name was on the account (joint account) that the state didn't know about it. They run SS numbers and match up the info you gave them. They will know if it doesn't match. Even if she wasn't taking a penny from the account they would have considered it at least half hers. I was under the impression that she qualifies for section 8 housing now, not back when they had a joint account.
--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
|
javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
|
|
I don't know.... something doesn't add up. It's apparent the OP truly believes the circumstances as she's relayed them, but I'm finding it difficult to believe that she has the whole story from Day 1 when he left.
--------------------
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
|
DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
|
|
In all states, there is nothing illegal about having a bank account and getting welfare cash. You are only allowed to have so much cash in your account before you get a reduction in benefits, but in my state you can have $2000. As long as it wasn't over that, no warning flags would have been raised.
Then again, ALL the details would be nice to know to figure out what has/is going on.
|
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
|
|
You just proved my point. They would have known about the account and would have known the balance. So where would the warning flags be?
I agree with the poster who said the OP probably really believes everythgin she has been told but I think she has too many holes in the story she was given to give us one.
--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
|
DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
|
|
I must be confused with what you are saying. I agree there are no flags with the account. But, if you are getting welfare cash, you must declare every penny going into the household. In most, you get the first $50 of welfare cash and that's it if you have income/gifts, etc. that are in excess of what the welfare would be. As a few examples, if welfare is $700 a month, and you are taking $500 from a joint account, then you only get $250 in welfare (+ the $500). If the amount from the joint account is $1000, then you get $50 in welfare (and be quickly disqualified for future cash).
It sounds like the person in this case was getting full welfare cash and taking 1/2 the joint account monthly, but not declaring that money. That is fraud.
With that said, it won't help the OP at all for getting a reduction.....as I've said earlier in this thread, they are wasting their time.
|
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
|
|
Maybe we are looking at it from two diffreent scenerios. No WAY would the state (at least here) believe what you "declare". If your name is on that account they will more than likely count all of it towards your income not knowing how much is really yours. Here her name could not have been on an account where a payroll check was being deposited every month and received cash benefits.
Here qualifying for housing benefits would be different than receiving cash benefits. That money would go directly to the owner of the property and it would not necessarily mean she would qualify for her entire rent to be paid. It could be a portion.
She could commit fraud, sure. Plenty of people do, but in this case I do not see how the state wouldn't count that money. They would have to know about it.
--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
