dough
recently joined
Reged: 12/24/10
Posts: 4
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A little about me. My name is Doug. I live in Moore, OK. I left a bad marriage 6 mo. ago and we are finally coming up on our mediation. At the time I was in the house, we were fighting so much. There was so much bad history that I knew it was time to move on so we could all heal. Her son included. Times have been tough. Actually, times have been hell. I haven't ever felt so many different emtions in such a short time in my life. Since it is almost Christmas it is really seeming bad. I'm from Texas. All of her family in OK, was my family. Now with the divorce I have no family here. I loved her family. We all got along great! I feel so lost at times. I don't attend church, but I am going to. I think that may help ease some of the pain. I will travel to see my family in Texas, but soon I will have to come back to work. I started searching for divorce forums and happened upon this one. I'm not sure what I need to hear to help or if I just need to get my words out there. I wish there was a secret to being happy. The thing I miss most is family. I needed that in OK to feel like I belonged. To feel like was needed. Her son and I have talked some, and have talked about hanging out. I was his dad since he was two. He is 14 now. I know he is still hurting from my decision to leave. I feel like I had no other choice. We tried counseling. Nothing seemed to stop the fighting. I planned on keeping the house. She can't afford it. I recently went back into the house to get some clothes. I knew that she moved out. It was weird going back in. All these emotions and feelings came running back. Not love or longingness. But I kinda felt like a stranger. What once made me feel special(coming home) made me feel bad... I have an apt now and have had it for 4 mo. This feels like home now. I am seriously considering selling the house now. I don't wan't to try to stay there and cause more pain for myself. I know I have a lot of healing to do. It took years to get down on myself, so it will take awhile to get better and to start feeling good about me again. And I know I'm just going through tough times and the holidays aren't helping much. Anyways. Thank you for reading and listening. I feel a little better talking about these things. Seems kinda weird airing out so much personal stuff on the net.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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I think church is a great place to be. Even if you don't ever speak to anyone about your divorce and pain I think it can be a good form of support. Some areas also have divorce support groups. You may want to look into one.
You're right there is no magic word to make things better. (If there were this board wouldn't be here). The only thing that helps is that one dreaded thing..........time. It's a word you'll grow to hate but one you need to remember often.
We have all been there and some still are. The holidays, all ofthe "firsts" really are the hardest part in the beginning but even that will get better eventually. I'm sorry you need to be here but glad you foundthis place. It was a God send to me when I really needed it. Although it's not as active as it was then I hope you find that to be the case for you too.
(((HUGS)))
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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dough
recently joined
Reged: 12/24/10
Posts: 4
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thank you. i missed christmas mass tonight, but Sunday I plan on attending a local church. The holidays are tough. And yah, I figured it just takes time....
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askmontana
recently joined
Reged: 12/25/10
Posts: 2
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Hi Dough
I so empathize with your situation. Been there, lost everything - home, friends, savings. Pretty much a wipe out of my old reality and it has taken me way too long to heal. Relationships are so beautiful when they work, and equally painful when they crumble. I have a resource for you - it's a new book named Divorce Vows and the website is the same name. [url=[censored]://[censored].divorcevows.com]Divorce Vows[/url]
- [color:blue] the author provides 12 steps for going from pain to peace ... it is a quantum shift in how we view divorce and I found it very healing [/color] -- although the book was originally written about divorce, I could see clearly when I read it that her steps would work for any relationship that was falling apart. Don't know if it helps, but I do believe that when your life collapses this way, that God, our Higher Power - whatever you want to call it, has a new life on the drawing board for us. And if we hold on to that belief, our new life will come sooner - not years later like it did in my case - because I couldn't get out of my own story of loss. Hope this gives you some encouragement ....find some good friends, go to the church of your choice, get into nature ... The other thing I did wrong was I isolated way too much ... so the ones who could help me didn't even know my pain. I wish you the best...hang in there.
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dough
recently joined
Reged: 12/24/10
Posts: 4
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thank you askmontana.
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ItWillBeOk
recently joined
Reged: 01/07/11
Posts: 3
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thank you askmontana. your words to dough are helping me also.
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gadlo80
recently joined
Reged: 05/04/11
Posts: 3
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I understand what you are going through. I got divorced 1.5 years ago. I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I struggle with not feeling happy or stoked about anything. I still go out and do things, but it is almost just to occupy my time rather than because I enjoy it. It is as if I have forgotten how to be me. I guess it just does take time. Good luck!
thanks askmontana
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psioux
recently joined
Reged: 05/16/11
Posts: 6
Loc: PA
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Thank you askmontana - your words help me too.
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