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lizk0114
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Reged: 03/22/11
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Worried and Concerned....
      #737860 - 03/24/11 10:17 AM

I am just curious as to your opinions on the current situation that I am dealing with my 16 year old daughter? Long story short...
Her dad and I were married for 18 years. We have been apart for 2 years now. She has not had anything to do with him since, she claims to hate him, which I personally do not believe. I think it is just the words of an angry and hurt teenager. Before her dad and I split up, he would always take our 11 year old son every where with him. He always did things with our son. I would have to remind him that our daughter was feeling left out and he would then do something with her. Right before we moved, he knew we were moving and he came and got our son, yet our daughter was never invited to go. He called and texted our son every night, but not our daughter. She was very hurt and felt left out. I tried several times to get him to spend time with her, but he never did. Later I find out that he was going to his girlfriends parents house to shoot guns and ride dirt bikes. Our son was told not to say anything and he didn't, so I believe our daughter wasn't invited because he knew she wouldn't have been nice about it or kept her mouth shut. Since we moved she hasn't had anything to do with him. When I would make her talk to him, they ended up in a screaming match. Always ending with him telling her she is just like me and that he would love to just slap the (blank) out of her.
She is acting out and I really don't know how to help her. I could careless about how her dad feels, but I want to make sure that I help her in any way that I can. I don't want her to be messed up because she feels like her dad doesn't love her or want her.

Any opinions on how to help?


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kkimberh
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Re: Worried and Concerned.... [Re: lizk0114]
      #738491 - 03/29/11 02:46 PM

First thing - is she in counseling? And if not - WHY NOT? This poor kid seriously needs it! Seh feels like her dad doesn't want or love her because he's made it fairly obvious he doesn't She needs to learn how to cope with that. Get her into counseling like right now.

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I love therapy. It's like a talk show, where I'm the guest and the only topic is me.


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lizk0114
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Re: Worried and Concerned.... [Re: kkimberh]
      #738514 - 03/30/11 04:44 AM

Yes, she is in counseling, but I just wish there was something more that I could do.

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kkimberh
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Re: Worried and Concerned.... [Re: lizk0114]
      #738518 - 03/30/11 08:57 AM

I know I'm seriously biased, but does she like horses?

I'm a single mom to a teen girl - her dad has never bothered to be around. DD knows of her father, after 14 years we are finally getting some child support, and he sends extra for her sometimes. But he doesn't seem to have any interest in actually meeting her (she's saw him a couple times when she was 7, but not since then) You hear those scary statistics about girls growing up w/out their fathers.

There's something about girls and horses. Honestly - riding was the best thing I could have ever done for her. It's given her incredible self confidence and self esteem. She's mature, focused, goal oriented - and she loves her ponies. She doesn't have her own horse but she's been riding for 7 years now and is Really good - she's on a show team and rides and shows several horses for other people now.

We're involved with a couple different riding centers that focus on equine therapy, for kids. Kids w/ autism, kids in foster care, kids w/ emotional issues - even kids like yours who just have some family problems. It might be something to think about.

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I love therapy. It's like a talk show, where I'm the guest and the only topic is me.

Edited by kkimberh (03/30/11 09:01 AM)


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lizk0114
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Re: Worried and Concerned.... [Re: kkimberh]
      #738638 - 03/31/11 08:41 AM

Thank you kkimberh. And yeah she loves horses. Her whole room is done in them. I will look into a riding program for her, she would love that. She even wants to be a vet for large animals. I just could never afford the expense of a horse.

We did however get her a guitar. She is really good and sings like an angel. I was shocked that after only having it 3 months she was playing songs and knew all her chords. Our pastor told me that music is a great outlet and saw that she was talented, so he gave her his son's old Martin. It has been so helpful and a big boost to her confidence.

But I do love the horse idea too. I think that is a great idea and one that I will look into.


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kkimberh
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Re: Worried and Concerned.... [Re: lizk0114]
      #738654 - 03/31/11 12:05 PM

You'll be surprised how little it can cost. I'm a single parent & I work for the state... 'nuf said there...
She can start out w/ lessons & most barns rely heavily on their working students, so she could easily end up w/ a job - working in exchange for ride time...
Good luck! I'm betting it will help a lot.

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I love therapy. It's like a talk show, where I'm the guest and the only topic is me.


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