mkgirl
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Reged: 04/21/11
Posts: 5
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Hi All
I am married for 8 years. have a 7 years old son. I was a homemaker for 5 years and sacrificed my career to take care of my son and husband. For the past 3 years I am working. I earn $45 k and my husband earns 160K. He has a 150K in 401K that he accumulated during marriage.
Now we are planning to separate and then divorce due to incompatibility and horrible fights. I want to know how much child support and alimony will be offered to me.
My husband says he will pay whatever the judge says and I dont want to demand anything but for my future and my son's future I want to take his help.
How much can I suggest him ? Do I get a share in the retirement fund (401K) ?
Edited by mkgirl (04/21/11 05:47 PM)
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hanzblinx
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Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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child support depends on your state. There are state calculators, so it's not about what you want, but what the laws are. Alimony also depends on state, but it's mostly up to the judge. 45K is actually plenty to live on so I dont know why you want to leech off him. 8 years is short term in all 50 states so if you are super lucky you might get a couple years of alimony, but I doubt. Just act like an adult and take care of yourself. Stand on your own 2 feminine feet for once.
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mkgirl
recently joined
Reged: 04/21/11
Posts: 5
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I stayed at home when he did his Java certification and MBA and cooked and cleaned for him and now have no money for myself. Its not leeching off, its called "time to payback" for leeching me off.
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gr8Dad
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So he BOUGHT the food you cooked, and PAID for the house you cleaned and provided you with the things you needed. THAT was your "payback".
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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mkgirl
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Reged: 04/21/11
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If he had a housekeeper to do what I did (cook, clean, raise a kid) he would have to pay 60K per year. But I did it for FREE.
With his round the clock project meetings and conf calls and traveling you think all these chores can be done through his iphone and ipad ?
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gr8Dad
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Well, to begin with, if he had a housekeeper and was paying her $60K, the housekeeper would also have to pay RENT somewhere and UTILITIES and FOOD, etc. You didn't have to do that. Also, a housekeeper has STANDARDS that HE set.
"With his round the clock project meetings and conf calls and traveling you think all these chores can be done through his iphone and ipad ?"
Well, seems to me that if he was gone all the time, all the "cleaning" and "cooking" you had to do was for yourself and the kids, which ARE 50% your responsibility as well. I mean if he isn't THERE for a week, can you REALLY claim you were cleaning UP after him for the week?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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mkgirl
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Reged: 04/21/11
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If you are talking technicaliy then let me throw in sex, entertaining his family, grocery shopping and also being his nurse. He has set high standards and is so mad when I dont meet them. Only difference is a housekeeper wouldnt yell and eventually breakdown.
Just because he is traveling for 4 days a month does not mean I have no work and lie around. Its sick how men frame women as money-suckers while they exploit women physically.
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gr8Dad
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"while they exploit women physically"
Yeah, he provided for you, ALLOWED you to not work, put a roof over your head, and food in your stomach, you sound SO exploited. Well, if he is SO bad, why would you want to maintain contact, even through alimony?
Oh, and on the housekeeper issue, yes, a housekeeper wouldn't yell, but he or she also would not expect to get PAID after they stopped doing their job. So, since you EXEPCT him to continue to pay you, will you be continuing to DO the things you claim are worth so much?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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mkgirl
recently joined
Reged: 04/21/11
Posts: 5
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What you mean "Expect to get paid after stopped doing their job ? " I was not paid in the first place, he has to pay only after we get separated.
Till today I am the housekeeper/wife/career woman.
Edited by mkgirl (04/21/11 07:01 PM)
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gr8Dad
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"I was not paid in the first place"
So who paid the rent or mortgage, utilities, paid for food, toilet paper, clothing, jewelery, make up, and everything else a normal household consumes?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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spinnerdegrassi
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What housekeeper earns 60k? Here you can hire a live in Nanny for 25k a year.
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DedicatedDad
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I'm fine with the $60K figure as long she adds it to her $45K so she claims $105K for the purpose of calculating alimony and child support.
Oh wait....I'll bet it's suddenly worth $0.
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Sherron
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"I'm fine with the $60K figure as long she adds it to her $45K so she claims $105K for the purpose of calculating alimony and child support.
Oh wait....I'll bet it's suddenly worth $0. "
I'm fine with her adding everything that was earned income for being a housekeeper. Oh wait... suddenly it IS $0.
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Goodmom
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Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]If you are talking technicaliy then let me throw in sex, entertaining his family, grocery shopping and also being his nurse. He has set high standards and is so mad when I dont meet them. Only difference is a housekeeper wouldnt yell and eventually breakdown.
Just because he is traveling for 4 days a month does not mean I have no work and lie around. Its sick how men frame women as money-suckers while they exploit women physically. [/quote]
You really are better off ignoring them, they are very much against spousal support and will continue to attack you.
Now to answer your question:
Child support will be based on your state's guidelines. You should be able to google them.
Spousal support is going to depend on your state. While your marriage isn't long-term, it isn't short-term, either. And the income disparity is pretty big. If spousal support is ordered, it will probably run for 1/3-1/2 the length of the marriage. The amount will either be something that the two of you agree on or a judge orders.
Marital assets/debt will be split based on what the two of you agree to. If you are n a community property state, it will be 50/50. A marital asset is any asset that is acquired during the marriage (with the exception of inheritances as long as they are kept separate), this includes any 401K contributions (and the earnings on the contributions) and will be split. Joint debt will be any debt incurred during the marriage and will be split. I would try to have it split to where you are responsible for debt in your name only and he is responsible for debt in his name only. This way, if he doesn't pay the creditors won't come after you and vice versa. Debt with both names on it will need to be refinanced and the other's name taken off of it.
The best thing that you can do right now is to consult with an attorney in your area, s/he will have a better idea of what happen if this goes to trial in your area.
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spinnerdegrassi
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It baffles me to no end how people overreach in their "contribution" My wife travels 30-35 weeks a year annually. So I wonder how I managed to take care of my SD, do @ 90-95% of all things at the house (inside/outside/financial) work at FT nursing schedule, and teach 1st year nursing students and not claim that I "sacrificed" my career. How come when one chooses to stay at home they're sacrificing a career? Are they mindless lemmings who have no say in what choices they make? Does their spouse put a gun to their head and go " YOU WILL STAY HOME"? How come they never want to take ownership of their decision...and wait.......wait......here it comes...the, " it was a joint decision". How does one actually have a joint decision? Seems to me either you want to stay home or you dont, and regardless of the spouse, you get the ultimate say in your actions. I wonder how much alimony I could rack up if I tried to use all these lines.
Think about it. I've been married now 10.5 years. I "sacrificed" so much so that my wife's career could be bettered. I mean I was her nurse (and I was a real nurse, not some jabroni tossing out that term thinking they could actually do the job) her financial advisor, her landscaper, housekeeper, taxi driver, babysitter, educator..and the list goes on and on. I'm positive that her signficant increase in salary is at least 50% my doing, and I should be compensated as such. I mean, what did she do other than get her BA, MBA and work her ass off at her job. Big deal, I still deserve compensation for her salary rise, because you know what...I washed the dishes and mowed the lawn.
But wait you say, doing all of that housework and watching over SD must have made me unable to actually be productive. Alas...it is not true. I was only able to work FT and get my masters in Nursing Administration. I guess my wife being on the road sacrificed so I could get that degree also, so all things being equal, she needs to be compensated for the hardships she had to endure while I was studying for my exams. I mean, she has to be at least 50% responsible for my academic success.....we're married, and that is a given.
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yregna
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Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Gr8,
Only 3 replies and she admitted she wanted to BE PAID BACK FOR THE SEX DURING THE MARRIAGE. Give her credit for honesty.
Mkgirl,
I hear you sweetie, you spread your legs for this clod, and where the hell is the cash, eh ? Cooking, cleaning, AND SEX...OH THE HORROR.
I bet he has a scratchy beard and bad breath, too !! You make an excellent case for alimony, sugar...I can't believe the nerve of this guy, pulling down 160k AND THE PERVERT WANTS SEX WITH HIS WIFE, WHAT KIND OF SICKO, EH ?
GoodMom,
" Exploit women physically..." You actually make sense, from a liberal arts college feminine oppression studies major kinda a way...
Sexual intercourse is an obvious violation of human rights, no doubt about it...And when you throw in the cooking and cleaning, mkgirl and goodmom would have been better off in Gitmo, at least with waterboarding they wouldn't be thirsty !
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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mkgirl and goodmom,
You two are a perfect example of why the people in the Denver airport IGNORED AND FAILED TO CALL 911 when a woman was being sexually assualted.
Hey, if I was walking by, here is my thought:
1. It ain't my wife or sister or mom, not my business...
2. It costs me a nickel every time I open my phone, why spend money on some female who is most likely in exactly the same category as mkgirl and goodmom.
BTW goodmom, you can't be setting much of an example for your kids when you suggest taking money for sex is a viable career path...Hopefully your daughter will escape your poisonous influence.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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javajunkiee
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Posts: 3154
Loc: SC
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"Seems to me either you want to stay home or you dont, and regardless of the spouse, you get the ultimate say in your actions."
<CLAPPING>
Where anyone gets the idea that marriage is supposed to be an investment that ALWAYS pays off, I've never understood. Anything relationship involving the perpetually insecure, self-absorbed and greedy human beings we all, is a ga m ble at best.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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elliesmom
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You know, I don't pretend that I perform a job worth 60k a year, but I can't agree that it has no value.
If I upped and left tomorrow my husband would lose his job. In fact, they are in the process of separating someone right now because for the third time his wife called him at work and said she was leaving and he better figure out what to do with the toddlers she was leaving at home. One time he was on duty and COULD NOT leave. He found a friend to go over to his house until he could. But, you can't have someone who cannot deploy. Foster care is not a family care plan. And that is what she essentially made him. She has finally left for good (thank god - doofus kept taking her back).
After 9 years of marriage, 5 years at home, if he left tomorrow I would certainly expect that some alimony would change hands for a period of time. We agreed that once the kids were in school I could go back and get my Masters degree and a new career (since my current one is not sustainable with the way we move around). I cannot step back into my old career field without some re-education to prove myself. I see no reason I should live off of minimum wage & CS for a decision that was mutually agreed and forced upon us really by how often we have to move and our inability to choose where we live (ALL because of his job). We made his job a priority because it was all or nothing AND had a better retirement plan. This was our family plan. That decision has consequences for us both if we decide to leave. I am no greedy B. There is no way he could or should maintain our current lifestyle and his own life. But enough to make sure there is food on the table and a place to live for 1-2 years while I get a masters degree? Yep. It will probably be a wash anyway since we'd have to split childcare once that was over and it is quite pricey.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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DedicatedDad
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Make sure you print your post and give it your husband. Let's hear his opinion, too. Ask him to be 100% honest, and not tell you what he thinks you want to hear.
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elliesmom
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Honestly we discussed all of this before we married, I already know what he thinks. I don't believe in divorce for any reason other than infidelity or abuse. We make our own happiness in life. I won't be cheating on him or abusing him so it doesn't concern him. Or me really. But I accept that I cannot control the person he chooses to become, so I would never say "oh we'll NEVER divorce."
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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DedicatedDad
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[quote]"I'm fine with the $60K figure as long she adds it to her $45K so she claims $105K for the purpose of calculating alimony and child support.
Oh wait....I'll bet it's suddenly worth $0. "
You could look at that way...but then you need to add in 8 years of room and board, car rental, cash, vacations, ect.
That compensation should be worth a few hundred K.
I'm fine with her adding everything that was earned income for being a housekeeper. Oh wait... suddenly it IS $0. [/quote]
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Sherron
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"You could look at that way...but then you need to add in 8 years of room and board, car rental, cash, vacations, ect.
That compensation should be worth a few hundred K."
That's an interesting take on things, I guess. I'd never consider something that was freely exchanged during a marriage deserving of compensation during a divorce, whether that's "room and board, car rental, cash, vacations, ect." or "housekeeping services". Just another reason why there will be a prenup if I get married again.
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yregna
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Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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ElliesMom Quote " We agreed that once the kids were in school I could go back and get my Masters degree and a new career "
My point is you con't have to honor that promise at all, in fact if you renege on that promise, YOUR HUSBAND HAS TO PAY YOU ALIMONY AND CS.
That is unfair, period.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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elliesmom
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I agree.
But because some people get totally screwed by the bathwater - doesn't mean you throw out the baby too. Alimony should be uncommon and the burden of proof should be on the one requesting it to show why it is just. And there should be no lifetime awards. Just enough to get people back to where they were when they started. Marriage should not be the lottery. Just because you were blessed to have a husband who provided for you enough to not work for several years, should not buy you the opportunity to continue that for a lifetime. And slowly as our society adjusts to the idea that the female is not the victim in EVERY divorce, I think it will. Shared parenting laws are the first step.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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Prime example of female hypocrisy. walk around talking about how they are educated, independent and hard working. But when the chance to steal money (legally!) presents itself, they suddenly present themselves as helpless hopeless hapless creatures that can in no way survive without a man.
Pathetic leeches.
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finz
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Leeches have long been used in medicine.....and they get paid NOTHING for their services......
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DedicatedDad
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I think sometimes folks have a misconception of what "doing it all on your own" means.
There was a thread on another board where the poster claimed as such, but showed how after child support, money from their family, and state and federal benefits, they were actually providing less than 20% of their total income.
Nicely pointing this out, the poster got irate, and still insisted they were "doing it on their own."
Is that a common way of thinking? It seems like common sense to me. If I had $100, and $50 came from elsewhere, it's clear I would be providing 50%.
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hardworkinggirl
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Reged: 08/17/11
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Your future? Seriously? You were married for 7 years. Get your child support and blood money from the portion of the 401 K accumulated during the time of the marrige. And remember he will be entitled to whatever 401 k or pension that you have also.
You have a decent job, go make a life for yourself sister.
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Voujaday
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Reged: 08/26/11
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The numbers will really depend on what state you live in. In California you would be entitled to 1/2 of his 401k, since the monies used to build it are considered community property. You would be entitle to SS of at least 1/2 the term of the marriage and received Child Support for your son.
I'm sure there are alot of other financial issues but these are a few. Again, all of this might depend on what state you live in.
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