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College_Mom
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Reged: 05/04/11
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Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!!
      #745426 - 05/04/11 06:41 PM

Hey there! I stumbled across this site and was hoping someone can relate/provide some insight on my current situation..here goes!

I have been seperated/divorced from my son's dad since my son was a yr old (hes 7 now). He has only resided with me since. After putting off school 2x during our relationship, I mnaged to put myself through college and received my BS. I need to have my Masters in order to get any sort of job in my field, but where I live, no schools offer my program. I applied to many schools and was accepted to a school in Nevada (I live in NY) and all of a sudden my ex is fighting me on moving. I offered him the same number of days visitation ( he has 32 hrs/wk now). Up until recently he has never been a model parent nor adhered to his scheduled visitation. He also is on permanent disability, doesn't work, etc and doesn't even bother to call our son or see him unless its on his scheduled time. I make close to minimum wage at my job now, and as the sole parent responsible for the majority of our sons care and expenses, I know I cannot provide him with the life he should have: a college education, a steady place to live, etc. We were young when we got married, had no property/savings, etc.

Basically, I'm trying to figure out how to present a valid argument for the mediator to rule in my favor when we go to court in two weeks, as going to trial will cause me to lose my spot in the program (it starts in august).

Any advice would be sincerely appreciated! thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!


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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: College_Mom]
      #745434 - 05/04/11 07:49 PM

You are free to move anywhere you like -- your son may or may not go with you.

How can your ex have the same amount of time per week with that distance between you? It's impossible -- unless you're going to try and have him cram all his visitation time into an extended summer break.

I find it hard to believe that there isn't a single program that you can take online, long distance, etc. -- most schools have some type of online stuff that you can take -- members of the active duty military will attest to that.

How do you make **close** to minimum wage? You either make it or you don't, with the exception of being a waitress or something --

What is your degree in? And, forgive me for asking, but why did you choose a major that needed so much education at the front end?


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College_Mom
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Re: Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #745446 - 05/04/11 08:19 PM

"How can your ex have the same amount of time per week with that distance between you? It's impossible -- unless you're going to try and have him cram all his visitation time into an extended summer break."
I offered him all week long school breaks, a month and 1/2 over the summer, as well as an open ended invite for him and his g/f to come and visit whenever they would like. I also offered (with help from my family) to front the costs of the airfare to fly my son home and back for these visits.

"I find it hard to believe that there isn't a single program that you can take online, long distance, etc. -- most schools have some type of online stuff that you can take -- members of the active duty military will attest to that."

My major is a "hands- on" field: earth/geological/environmental sciences.


"How do you make **close** to minimum wage? You either make it or you don't, with the exception of being a waitress or something --"

My gross salary is 24,200/yr. and I am at max salary for my job.

What is your degree in? And, forgive me for asking, but why did you choose a major that needed so much education at the front end?
Because when I initially started my studies I was not a mother nor was I married. I dropped out to work full time to support my child, then my now ex-husband when he was no longer working. Moving out of state for 2 years to get my degree, so that when we move back here I can actually give my son a better life doesn't seem like to much to ask of a man that had nothing to do with his child until the last 2 years, and in that 2 years has lost him in a public place for 2 hours, showed up to ds's little league game toasted to the point his girlfriend had to drag him out of the park...


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College_Mom
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Re: Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: College_Mom]
      #745448 - 05/04/11 08:23 PM

oh, also I must mention that my ex lives 10 minutes away, does not work(permanent disability), nor attends any sort of schooling, but when i asked in the beginning of the school year if he'd like to pick up his son a few days a week from school to hang for a lil as opposed to him going to the after school program until I got home from work, he told me he couldn't. He does not call his son nor return my sons calls during the week, nor does he attend any school functions (and yes I tell him about them with weeks advance notice as well as reminders)

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gr8Dad
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Re: Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: College_Mom]
      #745452 - 05/04/11 08:53 PM

"I also offered (with help from my family) to front the costs of the airfare to fly my son home and back for these visits."

What do you mean "front" the money? The costs of transportation will be SOLELY up to you, as you are the relocating parent.

"My major is a "hands- on" field: earth/geological/environmental sciences."

You are an hour or so from New York/Philadelphia/Maryland (depending on where you are in NJ), why the need to move most of the way acreoss the US? These states have some of the BEST schools in the WORLD. Drexel, U of P, Temple, Rutgers, Syracuse, etc etc etc.

Since living that far away seems okay with you, leave the child with Dad, you go to school for 2 years, YOU fly back and forth to see the child, and come back when you are done. If you DON'T agree with that, then you are a hypocrite for expecting HIM to live with that.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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College_Mom
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Re: Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: gr8Dad]
      #745459 - 05/04/11 09:04 PM

gr8Dad,
Yes I offered to pay the money, even though i do not receive child support, only 100.00 from his disibility. I am in NY, i applied to the progam that was here initially, but due to state cuts, the program too was cut. I tried to stay local as I applied to quite a few schools in the surrounding area (under a 4 hr drive from current local) unfortunately, those schools did not accept me as my major has a very competitive, limited program.
My son has already expressed his want to come with me, and when his father and I discussed this with him he told both of us he would go live with dad, but only if mom came.
I am not a hypocrite for not wanting to leave my son who has lived soley with me for the last 6 years of his life, I am a concerned mother who has seen the disinterest he has in his sons day to day life. He was ok with this when I applied to the schools, as I let him know every step of the way (we are civil), until I got the acceptance letter and he told his parents that we were leaving, then all of a sudden he changed his mind.

one more thing "gr8dad" if you were raising your children and you had to move temporarily for a job or something, would you leave your children with someone who doesn't even know their teachers name or the childs after school hobbies/day to day stuff, then come back for them? if not, then you sir are the hypocrite here...

Edited by College_Mom (05/04/11 09:11 PM)


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gr8Dad
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Re: Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: College_Mom]
      #745463 - 05/04/11 09:20 PM

"Yes I offered to pay the money, even though i do not receive child support, only 100.00 from his disibility."

So what do you call that money? A donation?

"I am in NY, i applied to the progam that was here initially, but due to state cuts, the program too was cut. I tried to stay local as I applied to quite a few schools in the surrounding area (under a 4 hr drive from current local) unfortunately, those schools did not accept me as my major has a very competitive, limited program."

SO you are not good enough to get into a LOCAL school, and you think that justifies you moving thousands of miles away?

"My son has already expressed his want to come with me, and when his father and I discussed this with him he told both of us he would go live with dad, but only if mom came."

OMG, you involved a SIX year old in such a conversation?

"one more thing "gr8dad" if you were raising your children and you had to move temporarily for a job or something, would you leave your children with someone who doesn't even know their teachers name or the childs after school hobbies/day to day stuff, then come back for them? if not, then you sir are the hypocrite here..."

The difference between your hypothetical situation, and the REAL situation is that you don't HAVE to move, you are CHOOSING to move. Choose a different major.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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College_Mom
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Re: Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: gr8Dad]
      #745474 - 05/04/11 09:43 PM

donation!? I pay for and provide everything for my son, insurance, school, after care, activities, basic essentials such as clothes and a roof over his head working my ass off while he does nothing all day, has 2 cars, and makes more in disability than i do working. the only reason i even get that is because my son lives with me, not by my asking or his. I cannot afford to change majors and start over while caring for my child, nor do i think its fair that I cannot have the chance to improve our lives since his father will not and stated for the record, contribute to his sons education or expenses in the future. He could care less about his son the first 5 years of his life, and he even up and moved to arizona for 9 months without so much of a phone call until after he was already there. he made no efforts to contact his son in that time frame either.
I am choosing to move so I can have a real career to support my child, not live on a salary that is less than the cost of renting a one bedroom apartment in our court set 50 mile radius for a year. This is not a hypothetical situation, I busted my ass for the last 7 years trying to make a life for my son and myself and now that I'm nearing 30, I'd like to be able to start settling down and buy a home, etc...
And yes we discussed this with our 7 year old son, we asked him what his feelings were about moving and such. if my son was adamant about not moving then we would not be going.
And how dare you insult my intelligence?! I graduated at the top of my program, magna cum laude from a distinguished university here. Not to mention I managed to do this while working and caring for my child with no help at all from him or anyone else... but when a fellowship program offers 12-15 openings and over 2,000 grads apply, yea competition is a little tough...

I'm so glad this site is supposed to provide a forum for advice or question...you ask for help/advice and instead you are insulted and accused by people that do not even know your situation nor you... What a waste of a potentially good site...


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M5M5
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Re: Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: College_Mom]
      #745477 - 05/04/11 09:51 PM

Gr8dad doesn't have the best delivery, but he does offer good advice. If your ex is willing to fight you on the move, you probably don't have much chance in moving with your child. The courts will tell you that it's fine if you want to move, but moving a child away from a father he has a relationship with shouldn't happen.

Ignore the insults..or the perceived insults.


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gr8Dad
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Re: Relocation and Legal Action Help!!!!!!!!!!! [Re: College_Mom]
      #745478 - 05/04/11 09:55 PM

"donation!?"

YOU said you do not get child support. THEN you said you get $100 a month. So if you DON'T get "child support", what do you consider the $100 to be?

"he even up and moved to arizona for 9 months without so much of a phone call"

So creating a distance between a parent and a child is BAD, right? So what are YOU wanting to do?

"And how dare you insult my intelligence?! I graduated at the top of my program"

Obviously not in the top 12 or 15, or you would be in the local program, LOL.

"you ask for help/advice and instead you are insulted and accused by people that do not even know your situation nor you... What a waste of a potentially good site..."

We don't "love bomb" here, you get REAL advice. You WILL lose any court action to relocate because you CHOOSE to go to school. You are claiming you barely make enough to survive here, yet you WILL be able to survive in a NEW town, with a NEW job, while attending school, with NO support system. Great call...

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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