College_Mom
recently joined
Reged: 05/04/11
Posts: 17
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Can you see how someone having a DEBILITATING physical condition might have a valid reason for having "something come up" or having his parents help with the kids during his time?
its not like that, i am understanding when it comes to his illness as i have been there since he was diagnosed, but it is not a daily thing, and if hes sick thats a different story, its when he went out the night before, or his gf's family has an event, or hes going fishinge, etc. its that that gets to me.
in our custody agreement his parents are not supposed to be unsupervised with our son, as per both our wishes (they are not supportive parents to him, and live an "alternative" lifestyle) but i let it slide because his mother has made the effort to try and work our her issues with the both of us as well as our son.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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You did read the part in my first post about "perceived insults" right?
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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I'm sorry you feel that way. Some of the folks on this site has helped me a great deal...from a custody battle to child support issues. There's probably not any way to avoid a trail since your ex wants to fight you on the move.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Sorry, but you are all over the place. HE doesn't want HIS parents near the children, yet you complain that when the kids are supposed to be with HIM, HE leaves the kids with his parents. Huh?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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As much as it pains me to do so I will have to disagree with the legal aspects of the advice you have been given. Given his lack of demonstrated involvement and exercising parenting time, I think it is unlikely he could block the move. As far as I know NY is not yet an anti-moveaway state, in which case you usually have to just show that the move would not hinder the relationship. But another poster Lexiebelle just moved from Long Island and could offer better advice.
Involved can be many things, if you can show he has never been to a parent-teacher conference, Dr appt, t-ball game, etc. I don't see the courts blocking the move if you are willing to give up the time. They MAY give him a pass because he is disabled, without knowing what it is - hard to say.
If his disability is such that having your son for short periods of time is really the only way he can mange both his parenting and his health - he may stand a decent chance at blocking the move. I don't know what is wrong with him - hard to say.
Now just because you can, doesn't mean that you should. He may not be involved now, but leaving guarantees he won't be. Not to mention by the sound of it your son doesn't spend extended periods there now. But you are a-ok with shipping him there for a month and a half? What will he do all day? Are you also going to pay for daycamps and such so he can get out? Its not exactly gratifying as a parent to have a bored miserable kid that you can't afford to take anywhere for 6 weeks. You have not really spent much time considering this reality from their perspective. And I think you really should before you decide this is a workable option.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1753
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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That's Not-So-Great to a "t". He is ummmm, 'against' all moms too from what I know -- CP, NCP it doesn't matter. Do yourself a favor -- do NOT argue or respond to his posts and put him on ignore. He offers nothing but diatribes against posters he takes a dislike to. THis is all my opinion of course, and he will respond to it as I'm one he can't stand. But if you need instructions on 'ignoring' him as a poster, PM me. He will not ever offer advice -- only seek to tear you/your position down.
[quote]I wasn't looking for "love bombs" I asked for help/advice from anyone that has been in my situation, not insults and derogatory comments from someone who thinks he's all knowing and better than everyone else... [/quote]
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Thanks EM.. I don't usually frequent this board but had replied to another poster on this board a few days ago and was just checking up on that and saw this.
College, I also disagree with the legal advice you've been given. The other posters responding are from stricter states than NY. NY has NO specific law blocking move-aways. First and foremost. Second, it will be on a case by case basis how it's decided.
You are on Long Island? Suffolk or Nassau? I can give you the stats my attorney gave me which is that in Suffolk, a vast majority of the judges, given a solid case, WILL grant a move-away. There's one or two that are questionable which way they'll go.
You have, in my opinion, a solid case. Oh, one question, do you have anything in your divorce decree or Stipulation of Settlement (if you have one) that specifically says you have a RESTRICTION? If so, THAT could be a problem. If there's NOTHING? yeah, you have, again, in MY opinion, a solid case. Particularly given you will be moving BACK to NY. And yes, I totally understand what you're saying about the programs and NO, on Long Island Gr8, there are NOT such programs just readily available. To get OFF the island is a MINIMUM hour and a half drive. And for the type of program she's looking at, you can't do something online.
Hes not a particularly "hands on" parent, he's seeing the child a little bit over a day a week, so let's say 70 days a year, she's offering 45 alone during the summer, plus all breaks, so that adds another 15 minimum, so you're at 60, minimum. Just off the top of my head estimates. she's the vastly primary caregiver. Yeah, I don't see an issue quite frankly.
You have a GAL? And the GAL is okay with the move? Then you should be pretty set. If you DID go to trial?? A judge is likely going to go with what the GAL recommends. And if your ex has an attorney? He would tell him that. He may push you to go to trial, but ultimately? My guess is you will end up where I did. My story is I HAD move PERMISSION in my divorce. I only wanted to do a 200 mile move. My ex saw our child 7 hours (yes that's HOURS) a week and we missed 10 weeks or so a year b/c I was coming back here (my home state) ANYWAY. Never paid full child support and in fact was at the poverty status for about a year and a half and would never agree to get OUT of that status. Didn't take her overnights, yadda yadda. Sprang a court action to block the move on me. Cost me $9,000. We never went TO an actual trial. Spent 2 days in the hallways of the courthouse hammering out a schedule. Oh, with his FIRST wife and her boyfriend's input.. basically? They ran the show. It was quite interesting ;) Meanwhile? I had ALREADY moved. The judge, at the first appearance, refused to block it. But again, in my case, I had specific PERMISSION written into my agreement AND I also had sole legal custody. So realize that's a big factor in mine. In terms of case strength, I had a pretty rock solid case. But, I can understand your trepidation, even with a rock solid case, I was still nervous.
If I can help, please let me know. Do you have an attorney? What is the status of court filings and such?
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Haha you should come here more often! You're a standard recommendation.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I think it will depend on whether or not she has joint or SOLE custody. In LB's case she had sole custody and the move away issue was already in the CO from the beginning.
Did you COLLEGEMOM specify what your CO states in regards to custody, visitation and move-away?
Lastly, we just saw a perfect example of a VERY ACTIVE father (NCP) whose X was given permission to move away (MT Mom's story) because the judge allowed it. This father will NEVER get the same amount of time and will have to pay more CS because of the CP's choice to move and the court's decision to allow it.
I would ask that the OP really consider what is best for the child in question. Will the extended visits (longer, but less frequent) be BEST for the child? This is going to be HUGE for a YOUNG child. You are moving him across the country and then the parenting time dynamic is going to change drastically.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Her ex won't pay more in NY because of the move.
It is HIGHLY unlikely he would be required to pay transportation costs.
The "standard" in NY is if there can be a "reasonable replacement" of existing time.
She IS offering that. NY courts don't care if it's 40 hours over the course of one week, or it's 40 hours over th course of 52 weeks. Doesn't matter. Can you reasonably replace the time? Yes. Are you willing to PAY for the transportation? Yes. Are you willing to facilitate the relationship? Yes. Does the child exhibit an uninhibited bond with BOTH parents? Yes. Meaning, does it appear the child is being BLOCKED from one parent (alienated). No.
ALL these things are in her favor. Furthermore, if he is disabled, what happens if something goes wrong and the child stays with him? Is he capable of raising a child 24/7 for two years? That will weigh AGAINST him.
And, again, you're not even talking a PERMANENT move, you're talking a TEMPORARY one. I wouldn't guarantee granting of permission but of what I know of move-away cases, and on Long Island specifically? Yeah, she's got a darn good shot at it.
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