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14divorce
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stepchild and divorce
      #747692 - 05/18/11 06:25 PM

Hi,
I have a question. I am married right now but considering a divorce. I have a little daughter from my PREVIOUS marriage. Question: Will the custody question ever arise during the divorce, if she is my child, not his, we were only married for less than a year, and she speaks no English (we are new immigrants, my current husband is American)? Thank you.


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googledad
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #747754 - 05/18/11 10:12 PM

What state ?

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BeckaLeigh32
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: googledad]
      #747786 - 05/19/11 12:20 AM

Does it matter what state on this one??? And I am not being sarcastic, either. I would assume this is her child from a previous marriage, this marriage lasted less than or right at a year, if I recall, it is HER child. Right?

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14divorce
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: BeckaLeigh32]
      #747819 - 05/19/11 08:48 AM

Michigan. Yes, it is my child, not his. I am asking because I want to be sure there will be NO WAY he has a chance to get MY child, before I start the proceedings. Thank you.

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Jeanne1978
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #747853 - 05/19/11 10:25 AM

I know you said the child is yours, but has your current husband legally adopted her? Where is her biological dad?

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BeckaLeigh32
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: Jeanne1978]
      #747876 - 05/19/11 12:05 PM

As long as he has not adopted her, I don't see him having any rigts to the child. Stranger things have happened, but he has no legal claim to her, as long as he has not adopted her.

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googledad
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: BeckaLeigh32]
      #748269 - 05/22/11 09:19 AM

Does it matter what state on this one???

>>>>>>>>> Yes .

In some states he could seek visitation or even ( unlikely ) custody .

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14divorce
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: Jeanne1978]
      #748804 - 05/24/11 08:59 PM

oh, no, my husband did not adopt her; her father lives in our home country, I have sole custody.

Thank you!


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14divorce
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #748811 - 05/24/11 09:07 PM

Another question concerning the same situation. I know that the court here considers the what they call 'interest of the child' when kids are involved in a divorce. Before getting married, we signed a pre-nup, stating that in case of divorce I don't want any alimony or spousal support. I am currently looking for a job, and have ridiculous sum in my personal account. I am planning to file for divorce as soon as I can afford to rent any place to move out to with my kid. It is very probable, that at that point in time I will be much worse off than my husband. Now, the question: can it be considered 'in the interest of the child' to live with her ex-step-father just because her mother has lower income and does not own a place to live? I do appreciate any input, maybe the questions are naive, but I just want to be sure....

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gr8Dad
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #748820 - 05/24/11 09:26 PM

I would like to pose a question to you. What is the relationship like between the guy you are divorcing and your child? While there may not be a LEGAL means for him to see the child, you should realy consider allowing a relationship, assuming it is good, to continue.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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14divorce
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: gr8Dad]
      #748963 - 05/25/11 11:37 AM

I don't mind him seeing my child if he wants to; it is hard to say what relationship between them is now, because she does not speak English, and he does not speak our language, so they can not communicate at all unless I translate for them. They don't really KNOW each other.

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gr8Dad
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #748972 - 05/25/11 12:18 PM

Why would you be with a guy for a YEAR in this country and your child not speak ANY english?

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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Sherron
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: gr8Dad]
      #748984 - 05/25/11 12:56 PM

"I don't mind him seeing my child if he wants to; it is hard to say what relationship between them is now, because she does not speak English, and he does not speak our language, so they can not communicate at all unless I translate for them. They don't really KNOW each other. "

Too late now, but I find it a bit strange that despite being married to the person, your dd neither really knows her stepdad, nor is she able to communicate with him. What was your reasoning behind that, if you don't mind the question?


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14divorce
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: Sherron]
      #749099 - 05/26/11 09:31 AM

She does not speak English because I am the caregiver, she spends 99% of her time with me, and we speak our language. She never had a chance to go to a playgroup or daycare because my husband sees no point in paying for this if I can do it for free. She speaks a little English, like, "Can I have a cookie" or "Pretty puppy!" etc, but she can not really understand anything beyond that. Language is ONLY learnt when a person is among people who speak it, and she lost a year of schooling, opportunity to learn English and be around kids her age since we arrived here, it makes me so angry with my husband! According to the laws here, I was not allowed to work, we only got our papers in May, so we had to totally depend on him for everything, and if he said HE is going to decide how to manage HIS finances himself, and daycare is not on his priority list, so it was. Kids don't start to speak English just because geographically, they are in an English-speaking country.

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LexieBelle
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #749102 - 05/26/11 09:39 AM

But, you obviously TYPE English, do you not speak it too? And, if so, why couldn't you teach the child some English?? Do you not converse with your husband in English?

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Sherron
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: LexieBelle]
      #749109 - 05/26/11 10:04 AM

"Kids don't start to speak English just because geographically, they are in an English-speaking country. "

Kids don't start to speak any language just because they are in a certain geographic area. If you are planning on remaining in the US with her, it would be wise for you to begin teaching her English asap.


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gr8Dad
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #749168 - 05/26/11 03:17 PM

Why would you put a child in DAYCARE when you CANNOT work and are home all day? Why WOULDN'T he manage his own finances, you seem to be unqualified to care for a KID during the day or make sure they learn the LANGUAGE.

You want to blame your soon to be ex for all of this, well, he put a roof over your head and housed and clothed you for a YEAR, do you think that was FREE?

Sorry, but this sounds like a green card marriage.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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LexieBelle
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: gr8Dad]
      #749174 - 05/26/11 03:23 PM

[quote]Sorry, but this sounds like a green card marriage. [/quote]

---------->> Ding ding ding! I do believe we have a winner! Tell him what his prize is Johnny!

Glad you said it, I was thinking it :)


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14divorce
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: LexieBelle]
      #749204 - 05/26/11 05:39 PM

this is incredible. A green card marriage. Does a GC give any privilege??? Why on Earth do you think that someone might want it so badly they would leave any other country, their job, their friends, to come to this one? Like, does a Green Card come with money and a house and happiness? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but it does not.

I came here because I fell in love with this man and was ready to live with him, and he could not move to my country. All I got was abuse. I am not going to stand it, and I want a divorce. I am NOT asking for support. All I asked for was legal advice.

No, I do not think that housing and food was free. Do you think food and shelter is all a woman needs in a marriage? Like, I house you and feed you, so I can do whatever with you? I can lock you up, I can humiliate you, and you have to shut up and tolerate this - you get a Green Card in return. Seriously??

Yes, I type in English. I speak English, it's my profession. I have been teaching my daughter English since before we relocated. I already said that she can speak and understand some. Although, to understand everything people say, one has to be around people, if she had a chance to go to headstart, which, before we came, he told me he "had arranged" for her to get enrolled in, she would have spoken fluently by now. On the other hand, probably she still would not be able to communicate with him. It's hard to communicate with someone who is glued to the screen when they are home.

anyway, I just wanted to ask if he by some weird twist of laws might take my child from me. that's all I need to know.


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Sherron
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #749216 - 05/26/11 07:50 PM

"Does a GC give any privilege???"
It allows you to live and work in this country as a permanent resident.

"Like, does a Green Card come with money and a house and happiness? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but it does not."
It allows you to work... which gets you money... which can buy you a house... you already have the right to pursuit of happiness.

You said you got your "papers" that allow you to work in May... if by that you mean a green card and you're considering divorce in the same month... I can understand how people may jump to that conclusion.


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gr8Dad
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #749217 - 05/26/11 08:03 PM

"Although, to understand everything people say, one has to be around people"

She is around YOU, and you stated that you only speak your native tongue with her. Seems kind of ODD that you CLAIM to have been teaching her english, for quite some time now, and CLAIM that english is your PROFESSION, yet still choose to only speak in your native tongue when speaking with her.

Oh, and the, "What? You don't by my story?!? Well, he ABUSED me as well..." is SUCH a common tactic on this board and many others that there OUGHT to be a NAME for it.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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14divorce
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: Sherron]
      #749218 - 05/26/11 08:19 PM

Correct, but these are normal human rights which I had back in my home country. Why would anyone want to marry someone just to get the same rights in another country? Okay, all right, I can see why would someone from a very poor country with low living standards do it - to live better. But this is not my case, I can assure you.

And, let me tell you that after divorce my Green Card will basically become void, as it is based on marriage. If I wanted a no-hassle permanent residency, I would have to remain married to him for two years counting from the date my GC was issued. Which is not happening, as you might understand. If someone wants to help, I would really appreciate it if they simply answered my question instead of jumping to conclusions about my intentions.


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Sherron
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Re: stepchild and divorce [Re: 14divorce]
      #749221 - 05/26/11 08:30 PM

"anyway, I just wanted to ask if he by some weird twist of laws might take my child from me. that's all I need to know. "

I don't see how... many lawyers will give a free consult, so you may want to talk to one and find out for sure.

What will you do when your green card becomes void?


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