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Reged: 05/27/11
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CS-Motion Has Been Served...NOW WHAT!?
      #749317 - 05/27/11 12:39 PM

Hi all,

I'm a mom of two boys, 14 and 10. I have been divorced from ex since November 2004. He is self employed, owns his auto repair business, doesn't take a paycheck so there is no proof of income in the form of cancelled checks, basically scoops all the incoming cash out of his business and always flashes "wads" of cash, owns a Dodge truck free and clear, lives with his girlfriend for free, owns a boat and drives around in customer's Ferraris and Bentleys and usually drives a $35,000 M3 BMW (not in his name of course, got it in trade for work done on a customers car and illegally switches tags just to drive it), spends major $ on high maintenance GF and dinner outings to all the best restaurants... etc., etc., etc... here is my dilemma.
I am remarried, and my DH has been picking up the slack for my ex in regards to CS for his slow/non-payment history for the last 8 years. He is supposed to give me $276 per week. He is currently just under a total of $6,000.00 behind. He also never provided health insurance on the boys or a life insurance policy on himself as the papers required. I have recently filed a motion for contempt and he was served last week with the issue of CS as well as lack of care and concern for the boys when spending their timesharing with him, (every other weekend and dinner on every other Wednesday night). As part of the contempt charges I am trying to lessen his visitation due to an incident in March which led me to FINALLY doing something about the lack of responsible parenting on his part when I received a call from my children crying because he was completely intoxicated after leaving them outside a drinking establishment for 3 hours and was trying to get them to get in the car with him. They were smart enough to call me, and have endured his wrath for doing so since then. After years of total inconsistency, bad judgement calls on his part (never having the kids wear seatbelts, at times not having a bed for the boys to sleep in wherever he was staying, NEVER being on time, repeatedly canceling visitation at the last minute, etc, etc.), and mental stress endured by the boys in regards to his erratic behavior this was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. Once this happened, I started going by the papers, and not allowing him to see them if he did not show up for his visitation during the timeframe laid out, basically if the papers said something, that's what I finally started following. He explains it to my boys as I don't want to be nice to your mom anymore because "your mom is starting to talk back to me"...LOL...(just had to throw a mention of the mentality in there to give you a general idea of what/who I am dealing with).
Anyways, since I have been following the papers, he has decided to "punish" me I suppose by not only being a "slow" payer, but not paying me anything at all the last check I received being May 5th. All the while, continuing to drive his BMW's, and spend his rolls of cash. About 6 months ago, in a conversation I had with him regarding CS payments being irregular / late all the time, he told me to go ahead and take him to court, because he would get them to lower his CS to $50 a week if I did that to him. I have researched the court records, and he already has a couple of liens against him from individuals for $3000 or so, he was also arrested on a felony conviction of not paying his sales and waste tax through the State of Florida to the tune of almost $18,000 with an adjudicated sentence and ten years probation, (that's what you get when you skim all the cash out of your business and don't put anything back into it, and I started the business with him in 1995, so I am well aware just how much cash goes through an auto repair shop). I also know that he has not filed his taxes in probably 6-7 years.
Whew!! Finally to my question... right!?! When we end up in court soon, I know that he is going to try get his CS lowered, and my question is doesn't he need to provide some type of proof that he can't afford it anymore. When we first figured out the amounts for CS in 2003 he just agreed to an amount after doing nothing more than filling out a financial worksheet. Can he simply go in and cry "poor" and have it lowered? Also, is it true he can go "backwards" and have it lowered and possibly end up not owing me ANYTHING for the arrears? I have an attorney which my husband and I are struggling to make ends meet and continue paying for, but I am determined not to allow this behavior to go uncontested. My next battle will be convincing a judge that the boys needs to have less exposure to his lack of responsible parenting, but I suppose that will be a battle to fight during another court date. Who knew when I started to "talk back" for the first time, I would open up such a can of worms...perhaps I should have been a "good little girl", and just let him continuing living his life the way he wants to...LOL!!

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Re: CS-Motion Has Been Served...NOW WHAT!? [Re: SammyJo]
      #749320 - 05/27/11 12:48 PM

He is a POS that should only get SUPERVISED parenting time. Forget the money, it will come eventually, right now you need to be filing for SUPERVISED visitation.

Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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Re: CS-Motion Has Been Served...NOW WHAT!? [Re: gr8Dad]
      #749324 - 05/27/11 01:10 PM

I entered a request for an expedited/emergency hearing at the same time the contempt for CS papers where filed due to what happened in March, and certainly plan on asking for limited/supervised visitation, but the judge denied my emergency/expedited hearing. Now I am not sure what happens, I am waiting to hear from my attorney as to whether or not the CS and the request for visitation modification will be addressed during the same court date or separate. I guess he has 20 days from Wednesday to reply to the contempt of court charge, and then the attorney told me another 30 to 45 days probably for a court date. Unfortunately the boys summer vacation begins on June 12th and just to prove a point to me for the first summer ever in 8 years my ex is going to take them for the 6 weeks that the papers say he is allowed to. My kids are frightened and do not want to go, are fearful of him and even my 10 year old is worried because he says he can't trust his dad to keep him safe. Believe me, it's killing me that I can't turn the wheels of justice any faster. Especially since we attended mediation two weeks ago as the papers stated we had to, and he stopped during the middle of negotiations citing he wanted legal representation. He lied direct;y to the mediator telling him he had never been intoxicated in front of the children. I do have a witness though as my ex sister in law was the one who had to come and pick him up that night. It is all just a mess and my boys are the ones having to pay for it all. Add to it the fact the he discusses EVERYTHING with them and I mean EVERYTHING, the mental stress and fatigue they have endured over the past years is just heartbreaking. They are currently in therapy to help them deal with their dad's narcissistic behavior, I just hope between what me and my supportive DH are providing along with the therapy is enough to counteract all the negatives!

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Re: CS-Motion Has Been Served...NOW WHAT!? [Re: SammyJo]
      #749333 - 05/27/11 02:38 PM

HI SammyJo, I have to say there are a lot of details which don't matter at all to your case but I appreciate you trying to give a good background of your story.

He paid you on May 5, what was that amount?

It is not likely he will get arrears removed free and clear. Once it is ordered, it is payable and due to you. I would be really surprised if he was awarded removal of any arrears. It's not likely, but it could happen. He could go in there with some really great story, get a sympathetic judge to hear his case, and possibly get a reduction. Being self employed and not drawing a paycheck directly will not remove the obligation. The things he is saying are likely bluffs in an attempt to scare you from filling contempt for what he owes in arrears.

How does he pay you currently, does it go through CSE or is he paying you directly?

The IRS would be interested if he was heavily underpaying himself through his corporation, as well as not filing taxes for the past several years.

So in your contempt filing is that for health insurance, life insurance and the arrears only?

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Re: CS-Motion Has Been Served...NOW WHAT!? [Re: ssmom79]
      #749341 - 05/27/11 04:22 PM

Hi ssmom79, to answer your questions...on May 5th, he paid me the normal amount for CS, $276.00. Prior to that he was already in arrears for over 5K due to slow/sporadic pay over the years. Now we are up to 6K.

The week prior to May 5th, he actually gave me a check that bounced. Well let me clarify, in the past I would go directly to his back and try to cash, and if the check was not good, I would wait to cash it until it was. After the March fiasco, I just started depositing them into my bank instead of driving all the way to his to find 90% of the time I had made a wasted trip.

Currently he is supposed to pay me directly every week, but once I get to court, I am going to change that and have him pay me through the system.

Taxes - Yes and the funny thing about him not filing his taxes is this, we separated in 2003, divorce was final in 2004, so my taxes were filed for 2004 thru current separately. Well, any refunds I should have gotten over those filed years (approximately 4K), went to pay off taxes on the joint returns we filed in 2002 and 2003 when I was a stay at home mom and not even working...they applied my refunds to his SS# for back taxes. He's like the gift that just keeps giving!! So tax returns are not something they would require as proof that his income is so much less than it used to be (as he claims)? How do they prove what someone is saying about being broke, when so much cash in involved?!!

In regards to the health insurance, I attempted to get Healthy Kids through the state of Florida to help him out a while ago since he was not getting insurance for them, and I got turned down because they wanted his tax returns, and he couldn't provide them since he has not done them. My attorney is supposed to address both health for them and life for himself.

I just found out today that my attorney plans on sending him a letter asking him if he would like to now sit down and complete a full mediation regarding visitation since he has been served contempt papers, thinking that perhaps he will make a "smart" choice and know that it would probably go a lot better for him than having to go to court and explain his unreliable, erratic behavior to a judge. We shall see I suppose whether he chooses the "easy" route, or chooses to be obstinate. My main concern at this point is the kids well-being, don't get me wrong in light of the the monetary costs over the years as well as the attorney fees I am now pouring out, it would definitely be nice to get the funds, but changing the visitation is what concerns me most!! Would bringing up any of his other troubles, sales tax evasion, probation, etc. help my cause I wonder? He just lives by his own laws, doing exactly what he wants to do, exactly how and when he wants to do sad that some people can just somehow skate through life like that...

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Re: CS-Motion Has Been Served...NOW WHAT!? [Re: SammyJo]
      #753301 - 06/25/11 12:56 AM

id letit go to are payimg your atty for that mediation. im the wife of an ncp, too....if thattells you anything about my 2 cents.

wife of 1, mother of 2, stepmother of .3475902453

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