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stormy1960
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Reged: 05/25/11
Posts: 6
Re: Going through limbo stage of a separation... [Re: nuk]
      #749009 - 05/25/11 04:40 PM

I think that anyone that wants to work on the marriage would not leave for an extended period of time. It takes 2 to make a marriage work there for working on it yourself isnt going to do much good is it? I would be questioning her motives.

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nuk
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Reged: 04/17/11
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Re: Going through limbo stage of a separation... [Re: stormy1960]
      #749376 - 05/29/11 09:45 PM

I have started questioning her motives at this point. She has just gone into hiding and she has always been a person who hides from her problems and is terrible at communicating. At the same time, I am contacted by her sporadically with her discussing our marriage but nothing substantive. I don't understand why she won't just end it if she doesn't want to work on it.

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dnvrguy02
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Reged: 07/02/11
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Re: Going through limbo stage of a separation... [Re: nuk]
      #754124 - 07/02/11 06:11 PM

i kinda agree with some of post that she probably loves you or at least respect and doesn't want to hurt you by telling you she is moving on.

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nuk
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Reged: 04/17/11
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Re: Going through limbo stage of a separation... [Re: dnvrguy02]
      #754469 - 07/05/11 01:19 AM

Thank you for your post dnvrguy02. I actually just received an email from her the other day. In her email she was telling me that she was very confused. She said on one end she thinks that I want to work things out with her and that I care for her but on the other end she is sad because when she came to pick up a few things, she saw that her pictures were not on the walls anymore. I told her that I took the pics down because they were too hard to look at and I wasn't trying to remove her from my life. She also said that she didn't take everything from the home because she didn't want me to think that she was leaving. I am just so confused by her words and actions.

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Mellunolo
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Reged: 08/17/11
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Balanitis Treatment *DELETED* [Re: nuk]
      #760745 - 08/27/11 07:43 PM

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DigitalNinja
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Reged: 09/21/11
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Re: Going through limbo stage of a separation... [Re: nuk]
      #762956 - 09/21/11 03:46 PM

Sorry kinda new here but really appreciate theres a whole section on "Saving Marriages" on this divorce site ... we had a couple friend who split up for a while and got back together. In this case it was the guy who walked out and it was brutal rough on his new wife (they were even married 6 months).

The separation though made both stronger once they got back together. I have no idea what the statistics are about "separation" and whether or not it helps. If it was me I would be pretty concerned that my wife was giving me a list of "things to fix". Thats not really how a marriage is supposed to work.

The couple I mentioned did a "no contact" thing and it worked for them so I dont think thats unusual or a huge warning sign. Perhaps between school and everything else its just too much emotional baggage to deal with so school finishing might work out well.

My own two cents would be once school is all done theres some fantastic marriage "courses" (I am reading a book now but cant remember the title or author off the top of my head) who does seminars. It should be a joint activity not something to do list you have to work on on your own.


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Anything4Love
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Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 76
Loc: Virginia
Re: Going through limbo stage of a separation... [Re: BeckaLeigh32]
      #766284 - 11/01/11 07:41 AM

Quote:

It is possible that she loves you and doesn't want to hurt you by telling you she doesn't want to be with you ever again.

I had that problem with my STBX. I didn't want to be with him but didn't want to hurt him, regardless of how bad he had hurt me. I wanted to work on things, even though I knew it was hopeless. I am hoping this isn't how your wife feels.




I am experiencing the same thing. I would add that things aren't always "black and white". When going through a huge decision like this there is always going to be doubt. One day she may be sure it's over and another day doubt that resolve. She probably isn't completely sure what she wants. The additional time apart may help her decide, or make it easier to leave without being wracked with doubt. But I agree - it's hard to hurt and let down someone you love and care about, even when you feel very strongly the marriage is not your destiny and it's the right thing to do.


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