Debbra
recently joined
Reged: 06/20/11
Posts: 1
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My husband left me two weeks ago for another woman. We've been together for 18 years. He wants to be with the woman he left me for 18 years ago. He hasn't even seen her but talks to her all the time. He's planning on seeing her in two weeks. She lives out of state. I can't cope with knowing he'll be with another woman. I still can't wrap my brain around the fact that he's gone. I can barely breathe. How do I keep going? We have young kids so I will always have to see him.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Your post resembles that of a six year old girl whining about her best friend not coming to her birthday party.
Do you have any life of your own ? Have you ever had a job of your own ? Or friends ? Time to grow up ! Ladies on here tell men to write a check to their ex who is sleeping with someone else, so you could be much worse off, you could be paying him to screw the other woman.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Kar1958
recently joined
Reged: 09/22/09
Posts: 17
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Man! Yregna...what a jerk you are. Debbie dont even give his thoughts the time of day. He's very unhappy in his own life. The hurt will take some time to heel. Talk to your friends and family. Be ready for people you thought were your friends to not be there. It took me a while to let it go. I sure hope you have a job outside of the home. How young are the kids? He's he going to move out of state? I feel bad for you out of sight out of mind if he moves away. Breathe, things will work out. Did you see the writing on the wall any signs that something was up?
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Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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I am sorry that this is happening to you.
How do you cope? By taking baby steps, one minute at a time. Lean on family, friends, get into counseling, if you go to church talk to your minister, pastor, read self help books, do just about anything you can do to move forward as hard as it is.
Its very hard when our spouses leave for another person and we didn't want it to happen. Focus on your kids and helping them deal with this as difficult as it is.
I really don't know what helps, time eventually does if you can work towards moving towards recognizing that he has left. My X left after a LTM, I hung on way too long but mine lied and didn't admit there was OW. I believe now that if I had known there was a OW it would have been easier to inch forward. I would have had no desire to try and hang on to someone who wanted to leave.
You deserve and your kids deserve to be with a spouse that wants to be there, he has made it clear he doesn't want that by leaving. YOu can try and save the marriage but only if he wants to work with you. If he doesn't then your efforts will be best placed at planning what you need to do to situate yourself without him.
I know it hurts and its sad but put yourself and kids first. Yes with kids you have to see him but put on your game face and go from there.
I am sure that others will respond and give some good advice. I wish you all the best, it does get easier with time.
If you have not sought legal advice, then I recommend you do so in order to know your rights. Be prepared for what will happen if you pursue a divorce.
Good luck.
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desiburton
recently joined
Reged: 06/26/11
Posts: 3
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Debra
Annie is right- just get up each day and Breath- take care of yourself so you can take care of yourself.
I was in your situation several years ago, except I did not have children, which made it much easier.
Get through each day one at a time and it will get easier.
Find a wide network of support.
I am proof that things get better I just published my first book about all of this and life is better than ever
Stay strong!
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singleguy49
recently joined
Reged: 07/05/11
Posts: 17
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I have read your comments and feel your anger but this woman is hurting... c'mom show some empathy instead of calling her a child. Lets try to befriend her and make her feel better. Most posters should fee empathy. So your wife was mean to you... you know this girl?
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singleguy49
recently joined
Reged: 07/05/11
Posts: 17
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You need to get on your knees and pray. I have had other types of problems and the prayers have helped. I feel for you. Pray for strength because you have your wonderful kids and have better things ahead. You need to believe that for your kids! I hope to see you respond soon.
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RebeccaFein
newbie
Reged: 08/04/11
Posts: 27
Loc: Georgia, USA
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I would say pray and also take the anxiety and love it. That will help...honor your grieving process. I went so far as to hold a private funeral for my former life during my divorce...I didn't want people to tell me I was crazy so I did it in private. It helped A LOT. I have a great life now and have been divorced 3 years and remarried for 2.
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You deserve to lead the fine life don't let ANYONE tell you differently!
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peachy255
recently joined
Reged: 08/08/11
Posts: 1
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Debra,
Two things...
1) Get out of your house, try to spend time with your friends and family. Try to take your mind off of it, even if only for a moment. I know it's easier said than done, but it will help. Is there a vacation spot you always wanted to go to? This may be the time to go there.
2) Time will heal the wounds. Trust me. Look, you don't want to be with someone who makes such a "childish" decision of leaving you for someone he's never seen before.
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My recent work: <a href="[censored" target="_blank">://cnaclasseshq.com]cna classes</a>
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Moon123
recently joined
Reged: 08/10/11
Posts: 4
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Post deleted by dsAdmin
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Katercat
recently joined
Reged: 08/15/11
Posts: 1
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It’s imperative that you focus on yourself, first and foremost. This does not mean to the exclusion of everything else, but that you give yourself top priority. The reason for this is simple. You may at first feel guilty about focusing on yourself in an effort to truly rediscover who you are or reinvent yourself completely. You are used to taking care of everyone else, putting others’ needs ahead of your own, and frankly, this may feel a bit selfish.
Keep in mind: the gift of healing yourself will also be a gift to others. If you have children, they will get to watch how you handle a crisis and come out stronger. If you have a job, you may bring a fresh, strong attitude that can only be a boon to your work.
A spouse’s infidelity impacts you on many levels. But one of the most personal is what happens to your thoughts. Waves of ugliness crash through your mind, with self-doubt and self-recriminations taking front and center. You need to constructively manage these thoughts by countering them with self-talk that moves you forward.
I hope this is helpful.
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