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KrazyKat
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Reged: 04/05/07
Posts: 1714
Loc: Somewhere in the Middle
Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: onmyown_36]
      #754207 - 07/03/11 10:03 AM

My dd19 has a SM now for over ten years that still may be married to her ex. DD has a half-brother that is 9. She has asked me several times about SM's marriage. I just tell her I dont know and as long as your father is happy and she treats you right, that it is of no concern to us if she is married or not.

Recently, SM has started using ex's last name. DD thinks she still married to someone else. I again told her it wasn't our business. It's between her father & SM. As long as DD19 was treated well, it is not a concern.

DH & I live a very different moral life from the ex. She tends to follow our line of thinking while forming her own opinions. Seeing the lifestyle her father leads, tends to strengthen our ideals mores than ex's.

I don't care what SM does as long as she treats my DD well and doesn't place her in harms way. Not my place to judge her personal business.

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If you have a problem, build a bridge and get over it!


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Goodmom
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Reged: 06/17/07
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Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: KrazyKat]
      #754211 - 07/03/11 10:33 AM

[quote]My dd19 has a SM now for over ten years that still may be married to her ex. [/quote]

If she isn't married to your ex then she is not the stepmom.

If your daughter really wants to know, the person to ask is her father's girlfriend. Because you are right, it is none of your business anymore.


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gr8Dad
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Reged: 06/07/04
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Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: Goodmom]
      #754253 - 07/03/11 11:29 PM

"If she isn't married to your ex then she is not the stepmom."

It is thinking like that which causes problems. They are together, she loves the child, but their name isn't on a piece of PAPER from the state...so all of that means squat.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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Goodmom
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Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: gr8Dad]
      #754276 - 07/04/11 05:56 AM

[quote]"If she isn't married to your ex then she is not the stepmom."

It is thinking like that which causes problems. They are together, she loves the child, but their name isn't on a piece of PAPER from the state...so all of that means squat. [/quote]

No, it doesn't mean squat. It just means that she doesn't hold the title of Stepmom. Sorry you have a problem with that.

And it's kind of hard for them to get married if she is already married to someone else. All that does is make him the other man.

But then I am not surprised that you have no problem with the father setting a bad example like that.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: Goodmom]
      #754289 - 07/04/11 09:04 AM

[quote] Because you are right, it is none of your business anymore. [/quote]

---------->> You missed the point she made which was, barring the woman doing some wrong to her CHILD, it was NEVER her business. And she never made it her business.


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movingfwd999
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Reged: 07/04/11
Posts: 2
Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: onmyown_36]
      #754384 - 07/04/11 04:08 PM

How long did your divorce proceedings last?

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Avaya
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Reged: 02/09/06
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Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: gr8Dad]
      #754484 - 07/05/11 09:00 AM

[quote]"If she isn't married to your ex then she is not the stepmom."

It is thinking like that which causes problems. They are together, she loves the child, but their name isn't on a piece of PAPER from the state...so all of that means squat. [/quote]

Untrue. The definition of a stepmom is your father's WIFE; not his girlfriend or his shack up honey, his WIFE. She may DO all of the things a SM does, but she is not one. It's the fast and loose use of titles that is what causes problems, IMO. Is it just a piece of paper that separates it? Yep, sure is, a very important piece of paper.

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Eternity is too long to be wrong.


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KrazyKat
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Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: Goodmom]
      #754570 - 07/05/11 07:26 PM

[quote]My dd19 has a SM now for over ten years that still may be married to her ex. [/quote]

If she isn't married to your ex then she is not the stepmom.

--> After 10 years, then YES (to us) she is the SM. We don't need a piece of paper to prove that. How she treats my child is what determines the status she receives.

I don't know, nor do I care if they are legally married or not. As long as she cares for and loves my child as she does, then all is well.

You have TOTALLY missed the point of my post.

--------------------
If you have a problem, build a bridge and get over it!


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KrazyKat
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Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: Avaya]
      #754571 - 07/05/11 07:31 PM

They go by these rules and have been for a while.....

If you live in one of the below listed states and you "hold yourself out to be married" (by telling the community you are married, calling each other husband and wife, using the same last name, filing joint income tax returns, etc.), you can have a common law marriage (for more information on the specific requirements of each state, see next page). Common law marriage makes you a legally married couple in every way, even though you never obtained a marriage license. If you choose to end your relationship, you must get a divorce, even though you never had a wedding. Legally, common law married couples must play by all the same rules as "regular" married couples. If you live in one of the common law states and don't want your relationship to become a common law marriage, you must be clear that it is your intention not to marry. The attorneys who wrote Living Together (additional information below) recommend an agreement in writing that both partners sign and date: "Jane Smith and John Doe agree as follows: That they've been and plan to continue living together as two free, independent beings and that neither has ever intended to enter into any form of marriage, common law or otherwise."
Alabama
Colorado
Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
Oklahoma (possibly only if created before 11/1/98. Oklahoma's laws and court decisions may be in conflict about whether common law marriages formed in that state after 11/1/98 will be recognized.)
Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah
Washington, D.C.

--------------------
If you have a problem, build a bridge and get over it!


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Goodmom
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Re: Trying to do right when ex isn't [Re: LexieBelle]
      #754575 - 07/05/11 08:08 PM

[quote][quote] Because you are right, it is none of your business anymore. [/quote]

---------->> You missed the point she made which was, barring the woman doing some wrong to her CHILD, it was NEVER her business. And she never made it her business. [/quote]

And I AGREED with her (hence my statement above of "you are RIGHT"). I didn't miss any point.

I just pointed out a simple fact, that the girlfriend isn't the stepmom.


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