january1975
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Reged: 06/30/11
Posts: 6
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Divrce final in 2000: children are nw 14 and 16: ex was served a summons to submit financials.
I knw his incme has increased alot, he wrks in the oil field overseas..(nigeria)
In all these years I've never asked for a review for a number of reasons.
(He's verbally abusive and I always end up feeling worthless after any convos about money.)
Anyway..going thru a rough patch financially and requested a review and of course the poop hit the fan!!
I have no idea how much he makes and honestly...I don't care.
We share custody and he has access to his children at all times. They do spend a majority of their time with him when he is home for his 23 day rotation.
Here is my situation:
Received a phone call from him telling me he just left his lawyer. Either we can go to court and HE will have to spend alot of money on a lawyer...or I can give him a number of how much more money I want a month. We can then negotiate from there.
I think he wants to avoid giving up his financials..I recently found out he has bought several townhomes and was even more upset I found out.
He also has a vacation home out of state that he goes to every weekend. I just want what is fair for my kids.
Just curious what you would do in my situation.
He currently pays 750.00
I have primary custody
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DedicatedDad
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Reged: 09/05/04
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How much do you spend a month on them? Is it more than $750?
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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Since your ex is willing to pay more, sit down and determine what you need for the kids and then ask for more. And negotiate down to what you need.
If the two of you can't come to an agreement, then it's off to court. Where he will be ordered to provide his financial information.
And if the two of you come to an agreement, before you sign it and file it with the courts for a judge to sign off on, you should have your own attorney look it over.
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Avaya
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Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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You currently receive $750 per month and they spend a majority of their time with him on his 23 day rotation (I assume that means works 23 days and is home 23 days). That means you're getting $750 a month for 50/50 custody which is a lot of money IMO.
I remember when my SD's mother filed for an increase; the letter came to my husband out of the blue with no mention of it by mom (he has never verbally abused her, she had no reason not to mention it). If you did the same, I can see how he'd respond how he did and I also don't see any reason not to consider negotiations with him.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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ssmom79
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Honestly, it doesn't matter why you haven't asked for an increase. You are legally allowed to in many states every three years. So you can let it run it's course legally or you can attempt to do it out of court. If you have a number in mind, hand it over. If you can't work something out, let it go legally.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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It is fine to ask for an increase. Nothing wrong with it at all.
Remember, his attorney works for him.
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hanzblinx
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Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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"Anyway..going thru a rough patch financially"
Not sure why that is his problem. Sounds like you have 4 years left to be dependent on him. I suggest you get your financial situation in order before 4 years runs out. Sounds like you're the one with poop hitting the fan, not him.
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Cassie23
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I would run your numbers and see what you think is fair for him to pay. Don't forget to include YOUR share as you should be supplying your own financial obligation to the children you both share.
Anything over that would just be cushioning your own lifestyle or what you may need. If there is still some extra in there maybe he wouldn't mind setting up an account for the children's college?
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sussann
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First, do not allow any sort of emotional abuse to occur between the two of you. He is not allowed to call you on the phone and harrass you. He is also not allowed to threaten you in a way that you avoid taking him back to court. As in, "We can do this, but you will spend a ton on a lawyer...you can't afford it and I will probably win anyway! Just leave it alone, loser!!". Go to court and determine what is fair. Most states allow you to represent yourself, you can try legal aid, or you can request that the court order him to pay your legal expenses if you prevail.
[censored]://susiead.blogspot.com/2011/07/broken-child-support-system.html
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SRS
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Trying to increase your blog hits? You've thrown this blog out there a couple of times.
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cincsu
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Loc: residence in AZ, case in CA
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that was supposed to be a response to a different post, so i've deleted. ok, edited again...nevermind it was the right post.
if you can get what you need through negotiating and keep the relationship better i'd go for that first. if all else fails you always have court. if you do negotiate i'd have him sign a stipulation so you can at least enter it at court in case he's just trying to by time. if he doesn't respond then file your motion. BM has done that to us in the past...we try to negotiate in good faith, she not...we file the motion, and then, she gets upset we aren't negotiating. the answer is always the same - we have 6 more weeks to come to agreement and if we can't agree then the court can decide.
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wife of 1, mother of 2, stepmother of .3475902453
Edited by cincsu (07/18/11 05:32 PM)
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january1975
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Reged: 06/30/11
Posts: 6
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Thank you everyone for posting, even the not so nice ones! Anyways...just got served papers from the wonderful ex, he's requesting primary custody, with me having visitations. All this because I requested a review of child support. i Went to legal aid for help, and guess what I found out? his attorney is on the board of directors! I've been ordered to go to mediation, and a general magistrate? Don't even know what half this stuff means. Oh, and the kicker...he's asking me to pay his attorney fees and court costs!!
Legal Aid reviews their cases every monday so im waiting for something in the mail to see if they will accept my case or not. Not looking to good with his atty being on the board, but what other choice do I have? I can barely put food on the table as it is. I hate myself for allowing this to happen. Trying to be strong when all i wanna do is crawl in my bed and cry!!!
He refuses to return the kids when he's home from offshore (even though the divorce papers say he only has every other weekend), he refuses to supply me with medical insurance cards, he takes them out of state without consent..it’s like I don’t even exist when he has the kids.
I’m on SSDI due to health issues I’ve had for years, health issues the ex has known about. I just started receiving SSDI last year, he states in his petition that I have health issues that negatively affect my ability to care for the children! He’s fighting dirty.
My house is immaculate! My kids have never gone without anything they need. They live outside of the school district that I take them to every morning so they can have a better education. My son just received an award for receiving the highest grade possible on a state exam. I have had more comments from adults that have been around my children for their manners and behavior. I’m shocked he would accuse me of not being able to care for my kids. What an insult! How in the world do you fight these allegations? Am I going to lose my kids?
Not to mention the numerous times he’s tried to seduce me over the years, while married to another woman.
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gr8Dad
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"I’m shocked he would accuse me of not being able to care for my kids. What an insult!"
Well, NOT saying it is the TRUTH, but consider that you just spent an extensive amount of time to convince the Federal Government that you need a monthly paycheck because there is NOTHING you could do for 8 hours a day, 5 dys a week. So wouldn't it be reasonable to assume you are ALSO unable to do something that must be done 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
It would depend on what your "disability" is. I think you would agree with simply missing a limb, or something akin to that would not affect parenting ability, however something like frequent psychotic breaks with reality, or regular homicidal tendencies WOULD affect parenting.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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january1975
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Reged: 06/30/11
Posts: 6
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I guess that means parents with diabetes, cancer, krohns, heart disease, and any other numerous illnesses out there that may affect ones ability to work should lose the right to be a parent as well? Just saying....
My point is, my disability has nothing to do with how I parent my children. I'm fortunate to have a support group to help out if needed, as I'm sure any other family who is not on SSDI does.
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gr8Dad
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"I guess that means parents with diabetes, cancer, krohns, heart disease, and any other numerous illnesses out there that may affect ones ability to work should lose the right to be a parent as well? Just saying...."
Cute. Exactly the REASON I listed DIFFERENT disabilities, and that SOME would inhibit parenting, some would not.
"My point is, my disability has nothing to do with how I parent my children."
Few parents in a custody battle would admit if it did. Can I ask what the disability is?
"I'm fortunate to have a support group to help out if needed, as I'm sure any other family who is not on SSDI does."
Well, pretend to be a judge, and consider that if a parent is in such a condition that they might need to depend on someone else for the parenting, while the other parent did not (because one parent was disabled by something that affected parenting), the parent that was not disabled would have the advantage.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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january1975
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Reged: 06/30/11
Posts: 6
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I would prefer not to say what my disability is, but I will say this..I am aware of my shortcomings and am under medical supervision. I do not plan on staying on SSDI forever, but hope to be strong enough to return to work in the near future.
With that being said...if I were a judge, I would wonder why he would just now be seeking custody after a review of support was initiated. Why not ask for it years ago?? My children are thriving and have no behavior issues to justify a need for change. I don't drink or do drugs, or participate in immoral behavior; and how can he be a custodial parent when his job keeps him overseas for 28+ days at a time?
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Sherron
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"My house is immaculate! My kids have never gone without anything they need. They live outside of the school district that I take them to every morning so they can have a better education."
Since you are able to drive and clean... would you be able to clean houses for others? You may be able to make more than ssdi pays even if you're not working full time.
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january1975
recently joined
Reged: 06/30/11
Posts: 6
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Sherron, thanks for that advice. I do help friends and family with organizing and cleaning, it is after all what I'm good at :)
I find it amusing of all the issues I posted, what my income is and how i get it is the main concern. Honestly I was hoping for more advice on the legal issues. If anyone can help with that, it would be much appreciated.
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gr8Dad
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"what my income is and how i get it is the main concern"
That was YOUR main concern about him.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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january1975
recently joined
Reged: 06/30/11
Posts: 6
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Ok, so is this forum advice for him or for me? I understand the whole devils advocate approach, but is it really necessary?
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Sherron
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"I find it amusing of all the issues I posted, what my income is and how i get it is the main concern. Honestly I was hoping for more advice on the legal issues. If anyone can help with that, it would be much appreciated."
You mentioned you can barely put food on the table, are being accused by your ex of not being able to care for your children and have been served papers to change custody. Increasing income would be my first priority to address these concerns, and since you mentioned you are able to clean despite your disability, it seemed like a logical suggestion.
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cincsu
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Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4686
Loc: residence in AZ, case in CA
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by 14 and 16 your kids are probably able to do a lot of things on their own if you physicaly cannot help. if there are mental issues then it does sound like a deeper look should be had. hard to say without knowing the disability. he could just be "fighting dirty" to try to get you to come to some agreement through negotiating with him. why not make an offer....the worst case is he rejevts it, but at least you tried. also hard to say the impact of his request when we dont know if he is requesting a jump from 49% to 51% or 15% to 85%. will you still see your kids, would it give you time to recuperate and focus on you....think aboit all those things....without kids yhere is less cs, but thats supposed to be for the kids anyway.
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wife of 1, mother of 2, stepmother of .3475902453
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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If you are getting SSDI for a mental disorder with a documented history of problems, it's fair game to use that in a family court.
In most places, free attorneys are only provided in family law disputes if there is documented abuse. It could vary on where you live. I would ask legal aid themselves what their policy is.
You will most likely not be ordered to pay his legal expenses due to your inability to pay.
Custody changes are most often difficult to achieve, but good legal representation is needed. Should you go to court, you will need one whether you can afford it or not.
Since you clearly aren't familiar with family law, you need a consultation for mediation so you know what your rights are and exactly what issues are likely to be brought up.
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