MrsB
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Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Nothing to do with being insecure as it has to do with respect. To the very least she could've said "our" child. It's all "my my my". THAT is what I took issue with.
My DH is a very involved stepdad - and DS is absolutely like a son to him amd DS considers himself to have two dads.
So yeah. Insecurity? Not so much. Respect when the OP is in the picture and not making it sound as if it the SP who does everything? Sure.
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annatof4
member
Reged: 07/13/11
Posts: 125
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Agreed SRS. Either the stepfather or stepmother, should respect the roles and/or titles of the bio parents. We dont even know if the child refers to this step parent as "Mom". Bottom line, the stepmother is referring to this child as "my son", "our son". IMO, it shows as disrespect to the bio mother. Or bio father if the roles were reversed. I have 4 children of my own and 2 step children. So, I am on both sides of this. I know for a fact that I have earned my titled of Mother. From conception, pregnancy, labor, sleepless nights, tons of diapers...wait thats only the first year. :) My defending my title as Mother is not insecurity as I am defending both Mother and Father titles. For this step parent to grossly misuse the "my son", is why people attack on the representation of her story. If she showed a little more respect to even a online forum, maybe she would get a better response.
Also, IMO, this step parent does not respect the bio mother's decision....therefore this post. Parents disagree all the time on issues with children, whether divorced or not. This is no different. The child's mother does not feel that the cyber schooling is best. For whatever reason she feels that way, that decision should be respected. If the other parent feels so strongly, they need to take their case in front of a Judge. Or take other means of resolution to not involve the courts, co-parenting therapy, mediation, or Case Management. But, step parents be prepared, you may not be able to attend. As step parents have no legal rights. Sorry, but it is true.
Step parents don't have it easy at all. But, you knew that there were children involved before you became a step parent. You have to understand the boundaries that you have. As I stated earlier, if it is too much, then step down from what you have taken on and let the parents...be parents!
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greeneyes
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Reged: 06/08/08
Posts: 2847
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I think there is a difference between "my stepchild" and "my child".
I wonder if dad is ok with her referring to the child as "my son" rather than "my stepson".
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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On this type of forum, the family dynamics should be clear so the OP should be referring to her SS as her SS. It doesn't degrade the relationship at all.
My YSS is 18 yo, he calls me by my 1st name always has and I have been in his life since he was almost 2. He has lived her for the last 7 years. I am a mother figure to him and our relationship is like a typical mom/son relationship. He has a Mom but our relationship is separate from that.
Depends on what the situation is what I refer to him as. For most casual situations I will call him my son but for anything legal or medical wise I refer to him as my SS. Here it makes sense to call him my YSS because it clearifies who I'm talking about.
Many people do not like homeschooling and cyber (internet) school is still a newer concept. There is a bias that it is for 'troubled kids'.
As I stated earlier, internet school is not for everyone it is a lot of work for the parent, especially in the younger grades. Not every child does well with internet school, just as some kids don't do well in traditional settings. Our YS HATED regular school. I did internet school for a few years and he is back in traditional school and perfers it. OS went back to internet school for a variety of reasons but he does perfer internet school to traditional school.
IMO, both bio parents should agree with the concept or at least are willing to give it a try.
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ssmom79
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Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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*GASP* No cookies?
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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[quote]I think there is a difference between "my stepchild" and "my child".
I wonder if dad is ok with her referring to the child as "my son" rather than "my stepson". [/quote]
I guess I am missing your point here. Of course there is a difference.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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And yes, I have seen that, but not NEARLY as much with as with women.
Funny story, and JUST my situation, not meant as an example. My first ex was in the "divorce" class WITH me that TExas mandates you take. This subject came up, and she was VERY vocal, insisting NO ONE would be called Mom but her. Yet almost EVERY boyfriend she has, she has the kids call him Dad, lol.
Personally, I don't care. They know who their bio parents are. I have a SLEW of my kids friends who refer to me as Dad, no big deal.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Sherron
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Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"Personally, I don't care. They know who their bio parents are. I have a SLEW of my kids friends who refer to me as Dad, no big deal. "
And if that's what works for you and your family, great. For others it doesn't. Please don't assume that fear and insecurity are the only reasons and must therefor apply to everyone who doesn't see this your way. I agree that the more people to love a child the better... but surely you can love a child who calls you by your first name and not a parental title...
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Exactly. Not to mention we are talking stepfamilies here not candid nicknames for parents of friends. No need to lump that together. I got a kid who calls me ma. I'm like ok kid whatev.
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annatof4
member
Reged: 07/13/11
Posts: 125
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We all develop our opinions based from experiences or influences. Unfortunately, gr8Dad, your experiences with your ex's (women) may not have been positive and you are very quick to stab at any woman that makes a comment and say that we are insecure.
There are several people (including myself) that take the title of Mother/Father very seriously. You clearly don't have a problem with it. But, it does not give you a right to automatically assume that we or "mostly women" are insecure of our place in our childrens lives.
"The way I look at it, the more parents that love a child, the better" You are absolutely right. The more the merrier. However, it does not mean that step parents should lessen the value of parents' titles. Again, we do not know if the child even calls the step mother, Mom. I feel that she grossly misuses "my son". ANY step parent can love a child, treat them as their own, teach them as their own without the titles or claiming them as their own...my son.
"Some of the women on here have BAD step parents, are are unable to separate their OWN situations out of OTHER people's situations." - and vice versa. With your recent post of the story of your first ex, IMO, this may be where you get that woman are insecure and hold double standards. It would be nice to see YOU step outside of your box as well. Some step parents cannot see that their views, values and opinions may not always be agreed with by the bio parents, so yet again vice versa needs to be applied to your statement.
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