gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30201
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So you know NOTHING about the mother except that she is RARELY involved in schooling, and you advocate a custody reversal? Great call...BAER
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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annatof4
member
Reged: 07/13/11
Posts: 125
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I agree with the jest of others' opinions that have posted. You are not the parent and therefore your thoughts or opinions of what schooling the child receives might be appreciative, but, it is not your call.
I agree with SamsDad, the mother could have felt that you cornered her into this. You could have approached her with it and met with the school together. That way she doesnt feel like you are replacing her....which to me, it does sound that way. You may love that child, you may want the best for that child, but you are not the mother. You may be stepping up to the plate to be a parenting role to the child....but, that is your decision. Let the parents take a swing.
I do understand that being a step parent is difficult, I am one. Along with being a parent. However, you need to set your role. You need to decide what you can handle. If it is too much for you to grasp that either one of the bio parents dont agree with you...and you have no leg to stand on? It might be best for you to step down and let Dad be the Dad.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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Hi Angel,
I have to say that I agree with Mrs B that constantly referring to your stepson as your son is rather offensive. He has an involved mother. I am a bio mom, but an still married to their dad, so there are no step parent jealousy issues here. Many of the people reading your post may be bio moms with overstepping stepmoms in the picture, so your coice of titles in the context of your posting here could be inflammatory. It might help you get better responses to your actual questions and avoid caustic responses if you stick to calling him a ss.
Regarding your issue with his schooling, I would also be disappointed that bio mom isn't open to exploring other options. I'm not suggesting she should agree with you, but I think exploring possibilities is always a good thing.
In my experience and opinion, I don't think switching to cyber school is the best way to go. I'm not saying because my ADHD child has adapted to regular school that ALL ADHD kids WILL be able to, but I think they would be better off in the long run if solutions to help them manage in regular school are sought.
As already mentioned, you don't want to teach the child that ADHD is an excuse not to function in standard settings. After all of his schooling is completed, the goal should be for him to find a job and function in society. If he is to be successful in that, he has to get used to controlling himself, following rules, and trying to please authority figures.
Is he on meds ? Is he in behavioral therapy ? Is he in counseling ? How is his behavior at home ? With his peers ?
With effective therapies, the vast majority of ADHD people do manage to function well. The ones with access to effective therapies who have a harder time usually have other significant compounding diagnoses. There are some with ADHD who don't fare so well, usually be they don't have access to or don't avail themselves of/aren't encouraged with appropriate therapy.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30201
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I think you haqve a tough row to hoe, but I just wanted to SUPPORT your choice to look at and treat and even CALL the child you SON. What you have on here is a lot of MOSTLY women who are REALLY insecure about their place in their chaildren's lives, and are scared that SOMEONE ELSE will get the "Mom" title. The way I look at it, the more parents that love a child, the better. Some of the women on here have BAD step parents, are are unable to separate their OWN situations out of OTHER people's situations.
If YOU are comfortable with it, and the KID is comfortable with it, for it.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]Honestly I didn't think it would be that big of a deal because I deal with at least 90% of his schooling issues. [/quote]
It doesn't matter what you think, you are not the mom. She is.
And changing schools should not be discussed with HER child until it is a done deal. BTW, it's not a done deal until either the parents (mother and father, not mother, father and stepmother) come to an agreement or the judge decides. Until then, telling the child is off limits.
BTW, the Mom probably has a problem with her son being isolated from other kids (which isn't going to help her son deal with others when he is grown) rather than her having to help her son with homework.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Most Dad's would be offended if the new SF started referring to himself as "Dad" and overstepping. Really, they would.
It isn't insecurity, it is realizing that you aren't the parent. You are the step.
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greeneyes
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/08
Posts: 2847
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And I wonder about the dad's who would be ok with the stepmom calling his child "her child" or "mom" when there is an involved bio mom. I think that is where the insecurity lies. If dad can't respect biomom enough to stop that behavior from his new spouse, HE is the one with the issue.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Totally depends on the context. I call my SK's my kids here on occasion. Because in the context of the forum, they aren't your kids, they're mine.
And no one says the kid is calling her mom. She is referring to him as her son, he could call her Hey Lady for all we know.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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My kids call me by my name, I am not their mom and their mom is right there, two miles away. They have a mom. Now they have a mom and a stepmom. More love without the worry of who is mom because we all know.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"I call my SK's my kids here on occasion."
No cookies for you...
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