singleguy49
recently joined
Reged: 07/05/11
Posts: 17
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Hi everyone, sorry for your pain. I am 49 and have never really been in love but hope to one day!! But its pretty depressing to think I may be putting my money for retirement in jeopardy? There is this girl 31 who is interested in me. She is really sweet so it seems. Probably not the best forum to ask but.... we all strive for the ultimate joy of love but does the pain of your spouse leaving you make it not worth it?
Romance breakup for some people is a bad thing. I mean some react in violent manners and can't seem to cope with the reality. The Harris woman comes to mind. A sweet normal person running over her husband? Then standing over him and apologizing? I believe love is one of the main reasons for alcohol abuse. Am I right? I am a sensitive person and feel I'd need alcohol just to drown the pain? I never have drank but its probably because I've never been dumped. The thing about love is the mixed emotions one feels after a breakup... loving and cheerishing someone yet they are throwing you away? Omni magazine has called love a "mental illness"? I hope I never feel that pain? Friends have told me to leave love alone. Do you agree? The more joy you have with a person, the more pain you'll feel? Is it worth the [censored]? Thanks for your input. Rick
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Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
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Yes, Singleguy, it's worth it. Do you really want to live your brief time on this earth never feeling over the moon in love? Sure, maybe you'll never feel real far down, either, but to live just feeling middle of the road? What's the point of that? And besides, that is no guarantee you won't find yourself in a deep depression someday because you never took the chance of falling in love! We regret more the things we did not do, than the things we've done! So, go for it! Just be strong enough to leave a bad relationship and wise enough to enjoy the ride, which can be more fun and exciting than the destination!
Just up your chances......Make sure there is lots of chemistry and attraction between you and the girl you have an interest in. Make sure your energy level is very similiar.....a couch potatoe or someone that would rather be a spectator with someone that has high energy and likes to participate in things.....think boating, skiing, riding, etc. will most likely have too many clashes in time. Your IQ levels are best ten points within each other, so, if your IQ is 110, a good partner's IQ would be anywhere from 100 to 120.
Have a few interests and goals the same, and some that are different. She may love the ballet and you may love stock cars, just be sure to have a common goal like saving for that boat together.
Above all, realize that nothing in this life has guarantees, so enjoy what you have in the moment and see what the future brings.
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samhande99
recently joined
Reged: 07/13/11
Posts: 1
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At 49 you may be a confirmed bachelor. Nothing wrong with that. Be happy, accept that you may not be the right person to marry and enjoy it.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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Hmmmmmm. Intersting question. I married someone that I cared about but wasn't deeply in love with. The divorce was painful because it was the death of what I thought would be for life but we didn't hate each other because we never really loved each other.
I was with someone for 3 years who I adored and I thought we'd be married someday. He's married now. It took me probably about 4 years to get over the loss of that relationship. It hit me much harder than my divorce.
Now I am in a relationship with my best friend. Literally. He has been my best friend since about the time I got divorced 10 years ago. We have been there for each other through our respective failed relationships and many of life's other trials. I know he is the person I can count on for everything and he knows the same about me. It took us 10 years to realize we belong together and to know we want to grow old together. In two weeks we will be living together. I've not lived with anyone but my kids since I got divorced. I'm scared to death but i know that everything will be worth it.
Neither of us wants to be married. I've done it and it doesn't mean forever. He never has been and has no desire to be. We are both good with that. Will I still think loving him is worth it if things don't work? Absolutely. Love is worth it and if this woman is worth marrying she will agree to a prenuptual agreement. You don't have to risk everything for the sake of love or marriage.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Arnum
recently joined
Reged: 07/21/11
Posts: 1
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Good for you LAD. You deserve all the happiness after such a long wait. I wish you all the best.
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slowstarter
recently joined
Reged: 07/24/11
Posts: 1
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My opinion having married young and then divorced and remarried at 40+ that it is most definitely worth it. You could adopt a "no risk of pain" strategy, but I think that is quite a risky way to go. And by risky, I mean you will never know the potential high that you can get from finding and joining the right partner.
The lows may not be so low as a painful and difficult divorce, but from my own personal experience, I would say the highs are not worth missing. I would almost cetegorise the highs of being married alongside the unmissable high of having children. You simply cannot comprehend the joy that children can bring if you have never had the privilege of being a parent.
I guess that puts me in the go for it camp. Good luck and enjoy every minute of the good times, hopefully there will be no bad times for you!
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coffeemakerstore.info
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RebeccaFein
newbie
Reged: 08/04/11
Posts: 27
Loc: Georgia, USA
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It is completely worth it. I am in my second marriage. I suggest that you both take the 5 Love Languages assessment and the apology language one at the website as well. I see a lot of conflicts in relationships revolving around both of these things. You can find it online by googling 5 Love Languages, I find the forum strips out links if I post them. This will help you both give love and apologies in a way the other person can receive it, which is key to feeling love or hearing the apology.
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You deserve to lead the fine life don't let ANYONE tell you differently!
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