Ginsue
recently joined
Reged: 07/14/11
Posts: 1
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I am just venting, thought this would be a good place to do it. My ex and I have 50/50, most of his time is in the summer:(. Originally I lived about 15 miles from him. I ended up moving in the next sub next to him so the kids would be close to both of us. We both thought it would be great so they could just walk over. Well now that I have done this, he wants to follow the court guidelines almost to a T. Which he has every right to do so. our children are 13 and 10. The sad thing is I am a teacher and have summers off and he and his wife both work and in the summer they work from home half days. But while they are working the kids have to stay inside and aren't allowed to go outside or even walk over to say hi. Our 13 year old daughter is getting upset that she can't walk over. I am not trying to take his time away at all, it just seems selfish they can't come over if their not home and are made to be locked inside the house til they get home. I have no problems on my end if the kids want to walk to their dads and say hi or spend an hour or two with them. I believe the kids need to feel like they have both of us when they need us. I don't want our kids to alienate him because of his selfishness and I tried talking to him about this but his response is he can do what he wants. Which of course he can, I am not saying he can't but there will be a price to pay on his ends if he continues to do that. Our daughter is old enough to decide where she wants to live and she is very mature and any judge could see that. I on the other hand would not allow her to live with me full time as I know she needs her father just as much as she needs me. But I would allow her to live with me most of the time and give her the freedome to go to her dads when she wants. I don't want to bash her father totally, he is good dad but is very selfish and anyone can see that their new daughter he had with his new wife is given the moon. I am grateful he isn't a dead beat dad, so I usually just suck it up. But I just needed to vent a little so I don't blow up!
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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"But I would allow her to live with me most of the time and give her the freedome to go to her dads when she wants"
Don't expect a judge would order this if you went to court.
"Our daughter is old enough to decide where she wants to live"
Actually, she's not. The court will listen to a child's request, but a 13 year old will not be able to dictate where they are going to live.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Ginsue, I go through the EXACT same thing in reverse. Dad has custody, I'm in education so off all summer, Dad leaves our son (14) with stepmom all day while he works. Son can't come over if it's not 'my time'. We both live in the same subdivision a mile apart.
However, not quite as bad as your situation. Son is allowed to ride his bike and be outside. His solution: he tells them he's going out to ride his bike, he comes over to my house & we visit. Problem solved. He knows his Dad's being a d!ck (his words not mine). He says he wants to ride over and see Dad when he's with me -- no problem I say. Be back by dinner or whatever.
It's a control thing. They simply want to be in control and use the kids to do it. Sad but true. I'm sorry your kids have to go through this -- as you see, they reach teenage years and figure out who's the 'good guy' in all of this.
What I figure is we (the moms) are secure enough in our kids' love of us to be able to 'let them go'. These control Dads are not, so it 'threatens' their concept of how much the kids love/need them if the kids ask to go see the other parent, so they deny the request to 'ensure' the kids love them too. But it backfires horribly, only driving the kids further away from the Dads. (Dad/Mom is interchangeable in this scenario -- it could easily be reversed if it is indeed the Dad who was secure in his child(ren)'s love.)
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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