annatof4
member
Reged: 07/13/11
Posts: 125
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There is no sparring with the ex's with a ROFR provision. It goes both ways.
The child suffers because the child will spend time with their parents instead of being pawned off on someone else? I think not.
There are several reasons why a ROFR might be in place and/or include/exclude any specific person. Point is, the only 2 people that a child NEEDS is their parents. Isnt that what we are suppose to be supporting? Parents actually being parents? Just curious.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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<<The child suffers because the child will spend time with their parents instead of being pawned off on someone else? I think not.>>
I don't consider a child's time spent with grandparents or family as "pawning" the child off. If it happens where every weekend the child is with family instead if the OP I can see it as a problem if the OP would rather have that time. However an overnight spent with family or friends IMO is certainly not owning the child off. Mayne I misunderstood your response?
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annatof4
member
Reged: 07/13/11
Posts: 125
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Sorry MrsB, I was referring to c jane's comment "that SM was the adult he spent the MOST time with. Dad (CP) had gladly given up his parental responsibilities to SM, who stayed home." This to me is pawning the child off. Maybe the wrong word to use in a general statement.
Granted most ROFR revisions are not put into place until a parent has not been given the opportunity to be with the child on multiple occasions or it is a control/power issue.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1755
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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And the GAL was 'horrified' (her words) to find that DS admitted he spent MOST of his time with SM. And I HAD no reciprocal ROFR because of my work schedule and being off MUCH more time than Ex-.
To the professionals in the mediation, it made absolutely NO sense for DS to be sitting @ Dad's house with SM on Columbus Day/President's Day, etc. while Dad worked, when I was 5 blocks away and also at home.
It make any sense to you??
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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annatof4
member
Reged: 07/13/11
Posts: 125
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No. Other than him trying to keep him from you? Sheesh, I dont know. My ex always had the mindset "it is my time, I can do with it what I want". Even though I agree with it to an extent, if he wasnt with our child, what was the problem if I spent that time with the child? It was a control thing for my ex. He wanted the time if I wasnt with our child...but then he didnt want to give me the time when he couldnt be with our child. Its a crazy thing. Even if you want there to be a good relationship with the other parent, you cant force them to want it as well. Seemed like no matter how many times I would bend for him, it was never enough.
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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annatof4
my comments to cjane are because she and her ex spar over the child - this is one instance - they use the child as a pawn - I wasn't referring to a "normal" situation - their situation is so contentious and cjane and her ex make everything a tit for tat and use the child to get to one another - they use the thinking that "my time is my time and you will get none of it"
If the child is spending every waking hour with the SM and the two are not getting along and in cjanes case they live really close to one another - I can see why they child should spend some of that time with the parent (whos time it isn't and the other parent is unavailable - cjane is NCP) but again cjane and her ex do things to "ha ha I win this one" and the child is the one who loses cause his parents are always including him etc...
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Oh I gotcha :). Thanks for clarifying!
Personally unless it's ALL the time (i.e. The child is with the SP more than the BP) I don't think SP's should be included in ROFR. My husband spends a lot if one on one time with my son when he's able. And they both love it. Can't imagine not being able to allow that to happen.
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3years
recently joined
Reged: 12/30/11
Posts: 1
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I understand the view here. But I am a mother with PC and my x has "taken" my son while I am at work.
We previously agreed DS (3) would be in day care. Then he lost his job and began watching DS three days/ week. BUT the GAL gave me and extra night.
September he finds a job working 12am-8am. and insists DS will ONLY go to pre-school 2 days and one morning 6:30-8:30 (we have joint legal).
So he has been watching DS every WED. Thurs. Fri. since Sept. 7 2011 under 4-hour ROFR AND meanwhile denies me the opportunity to have DS overnight, when I am otherwise alone, and he is at work leaving DS with SM for 9 hours.
I have filed a petition for violation of the custody agreement
He STILL will not give DS to me at 7 pm or even 8 pm. He insists that DS should sleep in his bed at dad's and that dad should be able to put him to bed and lay with him each night.
Other than the fact that he is DENYING me, (yet I can't deny him?!) is my question of his fitness to watch DS all day Wed. for example, state that he, does not sleep when DS is awake, put DS to bed at 8pm, then work 12 am to 8 am, pick up DS and watch DS for 8 hours (or more). As PC I feel that I should have the right to choose someone to care for DS whom I fully trust to be alert.
Secondly X refuses to communicate what DS eats, and what medications he is administering, or when or how mush sleep he is getting, and flaunts to me that I have no right to know what goes on when DS is in his care, and that DS does not have the same nap schedule with him (I keep naps consistent with day care).
I know this is a lot, but I visited:
[censored]://[censored].thelizlibrary.org/liz/right-of-first-refusal.html
and found that we are NOT good candidates for ROFR. (which I asked my attorney to remove several times as we went through settlement, but she said would be hard to remove.)
If X works 12-8 am
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