bakergrl
recently joined
Reged: 07/29/11
Posts: 1
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Hello all,
I realize this is the men's rights forum, but I could really use a man's input. I want to file for divorce. I have been married for eleven years and my husband has never worked. He doesn't beat me or cheat on me and I guess that was enough for a long time. Anyway, After my daughter was born four years ago we agreed that he would become a househusband. I wasn't raised to depend on a man for money, and I make good money, so this seemed an ideal solution. Problem is, I still am expected to do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. and he is a compulsive spender. I want to be superwoman, but I am just too tired. Now to the problem. I spoke with an attorney. I told him that I want to give my husband the house, and will pay it off. I want joint custody. He should be able to see his daughter whenever he wants. They need each other, and it would be unhealthy for either of them to not be able to have contact at will. Because I am the one who always worked I also feel like I should be paying generous alimony. I don't want either of us to suffer any more than necessary. I just don't want to live with him anymore. The lawyer feels that I should sell the house and make him get an apartment. He is also advising that I only pay the barebones amount of alimony for only as long as the court makes me. In addition, he wants me to sue for primary custody which "we don't have to follow later if I don't want to". HELP! I don't want to be THAT woman. As many of you have been taken to the cleaners by your ex, or just dealt with bad situations, I thought you might be willing to give me some advice on how you would have liked to be treated. Do I listen to my conscience or my lawyer????? Thanks.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Your attorney appears to be setting you up for the largest bill possible. Contested divorces with custody battles cost an average of $60K between both parties.
Here's what you could expect in court:
1) separation of assets that is close to 50/50, including stocks, property, cash, retirement, 401K, ect.
2) Alimony. That would vary greatly from state to state, court to court, and even judge to judge. A general rule is for 1/2 the length of the marriage.
3) He's a househusband. He would get primary custody, and you will get every other weekend with a mid week visit if you let the court decide. Child support varies from state to state. A typical number might be 25% of your net. You would have to check on your state. It varies greatly.
You would be best to negotiate an amount of alimony and child support, and share custody if he is willing. Good luck.
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czolgosz
recently joined
Reged: 08/18/11
Posts: 14
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You sound like a good person trying to do the right thing (I wish you were my ex-wife instead of the parasite I'm stuck w/ :-D).
For your child; is there no way you can put his laziness aside and work through this stuff? After all, the grass isn't always green...if you decide to marry again in the future. Beyond that, DD has provided good info.
btw, IMO you shouldn't have to pay some dude (or anybody, for that matter) who doesn't pay their own way. The real deadbeats are those who take a check from another person instead of taking care of their own ends and sharing equally the responsibility of raising a child.
Good luck.
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Max71
recently joined
Reged: 09/28/11
Posts: 14
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I like what caolgosz had to say, but putting aside laziness isn't a good idea.
When you're asked to state the reason for divorce, are you honestly going to say, "I'm tired your honor, and not entirely happy..."? You're stating problems that can be fixed with some elbow-grease. While he may always tend towards laziness and overspending, just as you might tend towards your personal short-comings, people can work to overcome their weaknesses. Part of marriage is about finding the teamwork to overcoming those things. While it's frustrating and tiring to say the least, it's well worth the effort.
I'd amend the statement, "The grass isn't always greener" to "You're the one taking care of the lawn, how green it is, is entirely up to you." People, far too often, jump from place to place thinking, "This is going to make me happy" or "That is going to make me happy" and it just never happens on a permanent basis.
You're being very generous in what you're offering. Perhaps it's because of feelings of guilt. Fixing your lawn is always a great option.
Hope things work out well for you and your family.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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There is no "average" for custody cases. Contending that there is some $60,000 average is ludicrous.
There is also no "general rule" with regard to spousal support. Length and amount for spousal support varies broadly and depends on a wide variety of factors.
Certainly a stay at home parent tends to have an advantage in any contested custody proceeding. However, there are many factors that are considered when a court determines what is in a child's best interest. The one factor or primary parenting cannot be used to the exclusion of others. A careful review of the history of care and the concerning factors related to best interests of a child would be necessary before assessing the strengths and weaknesses of a potential custody case
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