Bummin
recently joined
Reged: 04/06/11
Posts: 8
Loc: Southeast Michigan
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Most of you know...the morbid depression when you are on the side of "whatever I can do to save this marriage and family" The spouse is not. I'm not here to say I was a saint through the marriage. We both had our missteps but never anything serious. We never laid a hand on each other or the kids (2 ages 17 and 19) We never cheated on each other. it would be 22 years in October but we have been a couple for nearly 27 years. I was very frustrated at a several week communication breakdown that she did not want to address and I made the statement that if she didn't want to talk with me, she may as well get a lawyer. I had only brought that up once before because the kids were pleading with me to get them away from mom...we worked things out 8 days later. This time, she went and got a lawyer. 2 MONTHS and 10 days...I pleaded and begged and told her that I just wanted to jolt her back to reality. She absolutely would not speak of our relationship AT ALL...NOT A WORD. The kids were upset and I felt responsible so I had her sign a paper that I was going to stay with my brother for an indefinite time so the kids and the household would calm...and that I wasn't abandoning them. 2 months and 10 days later...today. I have been on the edge of suicide for over a month. I cried...every day and night and yet she would not utter a word of our marriage to me. I put money in the bank like always...same amount, despite the fact I was living elsewhere...I wanted to make sure they did not struggle or even notice while I lived on minimal. I didnt expect to be away this long. I couldn't save money, I needed to pay a lawyer to respond to papers. I told her I needed to come back home, the kids were fine with that. I needed to fix up the house 4 potential sale, I wanted to spend some time with the kids before they left the house and my Brother had asked for $450.00 rent per month and I couldn't possibly absorb it without the family feeling the hit. Then...I was stunned. She replied that; " I will call you after work. You will have to come up with something because I am not going to be under the same roof with you" Wow. 27 years and that was harsh...combined with not even a single word of our marriage. I started to really wonder...Just then, a court officer served me a set of divorce papers! The first set was sitting in my mail when I picked it up...my lawyer had them. I started to thumb through them, noticed the file date was the same as the first set...but then I saw it. It was changed a little. It read; "Order that the plaintiffs prior name, u just f'd up, be restored to [maiden name]" She had watched me suffer, horribly, for over 2 months...then kicked me in the nads with a totally unnecessary order. Deliberate and malicious. Best thing that has happened to me in 2.5 months! There was NOTHING that I had done in 27 years that would warrant this deliberate cruelty. I believed I had just pushed too hard...her mother had died recently, and I felt like I had wrecked the family. I had no clue until then...she somehow believes I have wronged her in a horrible way so she is able to justify her cruelty. I know I have never betrayed her...ever. Therefore I am certain she would have no proof...not for something I know has never happened. She has permanently altered 4 lives horribly, over a rumor or a hunch. watched me suffer immeasurably and never uttered a word, then puts in a divorce complaint that she doesnt want my last name. I know I have tough days ahead but I have the ability to say I did everything I could to save it and that I never did anything to deserve being treated like dirt...after 27 years. This divorce is necessary now...I don't even know who this person is anymore. I almost died over this. Fair and equitable sweety. By the way, keep the light on for me darling....see you soon. My outlook did a 180 and it was just in time. Nice huh?
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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Please divide that up into paragraphs
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stormy1960
recently joined
Reged: 05/25/11
Posts: 6
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Well i have not been married to this person as long as you but only 5 yrs. Looks like we are headed for divorce. We have agreed to stay together for 1 yr and "try and work things out" but with both of us being pestimistic about improvement well chances are there wont be any.
I feel depressed, sad, lonely, scared for my future. I dont even know what I can do to "try" right now.
If u ever need to talk just send me a message, ok...Im goiong thru similar situation.
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RebeccaFein
newbie
Reged: 08/04/11
Posts: 27
Loc: Georgia, USA
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Stormy, have you both taken the 5 Love Languages assessments...this seems to be my catch phrase as of late, but seriously it is helpful in many cases. Please PM me if you need more info on that. I am a relationship coach.
Bummin I didn't take my ex-husband's last name at the end of my divorce and I didn't take my father's either. I changed my name. What does it matter to you what she calls herself? What is this feeling really about? I somehow don't think it's about the change in her name, I think there is something else going on there. Mind you I don't think it is unhealthy.
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You deserve to lead the fine life don't let ANYONE tell you differently!
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