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concernedfather2
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i think im going to lose..
      #759527 - 08/16/11 10:24 AM

I re-read over my court order and found out that my ex DOES NOT need MY permission to move 1300 miles away with our daughter because she has sole physical and sole legal custody. Her lawyer is basically going to court to ask for a modification of parenting time in her change of domicile case next month. Im so worried i dont want to lose my daughter i just started getting to know her. Any advice?

Edited by concernedfather2 (08/16/11 10:27 AM)


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gr8Dad
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759531 - 08/16/11 10:55 AM

First off, calm down. Nothing is lost, until it is lost. You NEED a lawyer. Sole physical and legal custody does NOT necessarily mean she can move where she wants to.

However, a move is not the end of the world either. IF she moves, you will be permitted LONGER periods of uninterupted parenting time (ie, all summer, spring break, long weekends, etc). She SHOULD be made to pay for ALL transportation costs.

Now, YOU need to stop doing EXACTLY what they want you to do. They are coming in like gang busters in order to scare you into acting like you are right now. They have convinced you there is NOTHING you can do.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: gr8Dad]
      #759535 - 08/16/11 11:06 AM

i cant afford a lawyer i didnt even know SHE had a lawyer until i called to ask the clerk because my EX didnt tell ME she told a mutual friend of ours.

i received a parenting time modification in the mail with the copy of her lawyers additions to the case. And they are wanting to give me this:


One (1) week of visitation to include Easter for spring break on ODD NUMBERED YEARS. Even years are to be spent with mother.
Two (2) weeks during summer break. Non-custodial parent must request his choice annually by May 1st. Non-custodial parent has 1st choice an ODD NUMBERED YEARS, Custodial parent has right to request certain holidays or other dates on EVEN NUMBERED YEARS for child to be home. But will still make it work for child to see Non-custodial parent on those years.
One (1) week during winter break every year. This week shall include Christmas on ODD NUMBERED YEARS. Christmas is to be spent with custodial parent on EVEN NUMBERED YEARS.
Weekly Skype calls on Wednesday 6p-630p, as long as child wants to be on the phone. Father can also call two (2) other nights per week for no longer than 15 minutes. At an agreed upon time and day. Mother will also have same phone/Skype schedule when child is visiting father.
TRANSPORTATION: custodial parent pays for airfare every other scheduled visit but father MUST pay for and chaperone her travel every visit.
ADDITIONAL: Also can have additional weekend’s local to child with pre-approval at least one (1) month prior.


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LexieBelle
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759536 - 08/16/11 11:16 AM

That's about the most poorly worded "legal" thing I've read in a while. My guess is she doesn't have a very GOOD lawyer.

So, if you can't hire an attorney, file your own response. Challenge the move, giving your reasons. What state are you? What are the laws regarding moves? Just because she has legal custody doesn't automatically mean she "can" move unless the state law allows that. Need more information.


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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: LexieBelle]
      #759538 - 08/16/11 11:25 AM

thats not the actual one from her lawyer thats the copy my ex sent me in an email that i just copied and pasted on here. Our court order only says COURT PERMISSION. It has nothing in it about me. How can i file a response? How can i challenge the move. All i have and can say is i dont want her to move because i want a relationship with my daughter. Im afraid i'll get laughed at because she's 5yrs old and i waited so long. I just couldnt AFFORD a kid, i wanted to get a job and provide for her. Now that i have a wife and kids i want to do that now. She's my daughter and i love her.

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LexieBelle
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759545 - 08/16/11 11:45 AM

I'm confused...

So...

The child is 5. Up to this point you've supported her financially to what extent? You've seen her to what extent?

Sounds like, if I read right, you didn't do EITHER but NOW now that she's moving, and now you have a wife and MORE kids, NOW she's important?

If that is the case? At least speaking from my own experience? Which involved a move. YOu probably won't get a lot of sympathy from the court if you're just NOW stepping up and because she's moving. The phrase "a day late and a dollar short" rings a bell. My case never went to trial, I settled with my ex without trial and I'm sure he made out MUCH better with me direct than he would have with the judge. I would recommend coming up with a schedule that's more liberal than what she's offered and countering her with that, through her attorney, thorugh a motion in the court seeking to block the move. Whatever. I think your chances in court? To stop the move? Are negligible at best if what I'm reading in what you wrote is true.


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gr8Dad
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759549 - 08/16/11 12:18 PM

Okay, you screwed up bad virtually abandoned your daughter. Bad move, but I assume you know that at this point, no sense harping on it, you are here NOW, and you want to establish a relationship. Lets address the points one by one:

"One (1) week of visitation to include Easter for spring break on ODD NUMBERED YEARS. Even years are to be spent with mother."

BS, you get EVERY spring break.

"Two (2) weeks during summer break. Non-custodial parent must request his choice annually by May 1st. Non-custodial parent has 1st choice an ODD NUMBERED YEARS, Custodial parent has right to request certain holidays or other dates on EVEN NUMBERED YEARS for child to be home. But will still make it work for child to see Non-custodial parent on those years."

Okay, this is less than STANDARD summer parenting time for LOCAL parents. No WAY I would accept that. Four weeks MINIMUM, you get first pick EVERY year.

"One (1) week during winter break every year. This week shall include Christmas on ODD NUMBERED YEARS. Christmas is to be spent with custodial parent on EVEN NUMBERED YEARS."

This one is fair.

"TRANSPORTATION: custodial parent pays for airfare every other scheduled visit but father MUST pay for and chaperone her travel every visit."

My ASS. She wants to move, and she exects YOU to pay for transportation every other visit, AND for chaperoning EVERY visit? No way in HELL. SHE pays for ALL transportation, and SHE can arrange transport chaparone. You shouldn't have to PAY to see your child cause Mommy wants to move.

"ADDITIONAL: Also can have additional weekend’s local to child with pre-approval at least one (1) month prior."

"pre-approval" is too vague. Under that, she can simply say, "I don't approve", and you are out of luck.

Here is the deal. You NEED a lawyer. Doesn't matter what you can or cannot afford, you can't afford to NOT have a lawyer. Beg borrow and STEAL to get the funds and hire a GOOD lawyer (probably gonna need a retainer of at LEAST $5000).

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: LexieBelle]
      #759550 - 08/16/11 12:19 PM

i was never in the same state with her. I just came back to washington where we use to stay together. And ive been trying to get to know my daughter. I use to text my ex, facebook her, and email her asking about pictures an asking about how she was. I sent her a gift on her 1st christmas but thats all i could afford. I pay $112 in child support and she has clothes at my house, a new bed here. If only her mother would allow her to come over she would be very financially taken care of. I just want to get to know my daughter and when her mother moves i cant do that. What can i do?

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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: gr8Dad]
      #759553 - 08/16/11 12:23 PM

i really cant afford it. My wife would FLIP if i even worked EVERYDAY to try to afford one. I cant make that happen in 3 weeks when our court date is. I am going to have to go so low. I wish i would have found out my ex had a lawyer before now. Will the judge even here me out?

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gr8Dad
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759555 - 08/16/11 12:25 PM

Well, there ya go, got my answer, you aren't even willing to TRY. SO do what you did 5 years ago, walk away, and leave the child alone. She is probably better off with Mom anyway.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: gr8Dad]
      #759556 - 08/16/11 12:34 PM

i am trying but all i have is my words. My daughter is doing good here with her mother and her husband. My daughter has family here in washington, i pay child support, i bought her clothes that i have at my house, her mom gets assistance, food stamps, her and her husband both work a part-time job and he still gets unemployment so financially her mother is doing good. I dont see why she feels she has to leave and move from here.

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gr8Dad
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759557 - 08/16/11 12:43 PM

"i am trying but all i have is my words."

Unfortunately, kids need more than that. And you are using your current wife as an EXCUSE for not even TRYING to hire a lawyer. Personally, if I wanted to see my CHILD, and my WIFE had a problem with me working more temporarily so I could do that, she could pack her crap and hit the road.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: gr8Dad]
      #759558 - 08/16/11 12:53 PM

i dont know how she would feel honestly i never asked her but i shouldnt need a lawyer the judge should just make her stay because im here now. And im establishing a relationship with my daughter that could get stronger. If only my ex had to stay. She's on assistance and they both work whats wrong with their lives that they have to move from here?

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gr8Dad
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759566 - 08/16/11 02:50 PM

"i dont know how she would feel honestly i never asked her"

So what makes you think she would be MAD?

"but i shouldnt need a lawyer the judge should just make her stay because im here now"

Yeah, okay, what are you twelve years old?

"And im establishing a relationship with my daughter that could get stronger."

Or, from HER perspective, you could get bored again and just disappear.

"She's on assistance and they both work whats wrong with their lives that they have to move from here?"

Whats WRONG? They are both working and STILL need assistance. Honestly, you sound VERY immature, and are merely digging a deeper hole with every post.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: gr8Dad]
      #759571 - 08/16/11 03:01 PM

them working and still needing assistance doesnt matter to me i just want my daughter to stay here. Her mother and husband and other kids can leave. I want to establish a relationship with my daughter and i cant do that if they leave. I just need to know what i can do without a lawyer that can get her to stay here with me or with my ex's family.

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LexieBelle
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759572 - 08/16/11 03:04 PM

Honestly? Ain't gonna happen without a lawyer. Your history appears weak even WITH a lawyer, to stop a move. If you have not ALREADY established a STRONG, COMMITTED relationship to your daughter? A judge isn't going to tear her away from her mother/stepfather and other step/half siblings on the POSSIBILITY that you MIGHT now become a constant/committed part of your child's life. Period.

With a lawyer? MAYBE you have a shot (and I doubt it, you might get more parenting time but block a move? Not happening is what I'd place my money on).

Without a lawyer? She's going wherever she wants and handing you whatever time she feels like.

Your choice...


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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: LexieBelle]
      #759574 - 08/16/11 03:23 PM

i dont think thats fair my past shouldnt matter. Im here now the judge should look at what im doing now not what i didnt do in the past. I just want my little girl to stay here.

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LexieBelle
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759578 - 08/16/11 03:32 PM

I'm assuming you're a troll (person who makes up a story just for entertainment value) but, will respond just for giggle and grins...

The past matters because it is, typically, a VERY good indicator of future performance. Kinda along the lines of "those who forget history are doomed to repeat it" kind of thing.

Look I'm the moved custodial parent. Like you, my ex, after years of minimal involvement, less than standard support etc, filed on his own with court, insisting how involved he'd been/wanted to be/would be. What a horrible, terrible thing it'd be for HIM, his other child, his parents. Actually not a word said about the CHILD but never mind that.

Did finally get an attorney. The move itself was basically a moot point. I had (and still do have) sole legal and physical custody. I'd been given permission when we divorced TO move (by him). It became a matter of visitation but, technically, I moved before the case was actually settled. Anywho, spent $9000 so he could get alll this time he so desperately wanted. And he kept a massive child support reduction to facilitate that extra time, him traveling to see her here (here, btw? Is 100 miles if you go by ferry, 200 if you go around by car). Wanna guess how much of that additional time he's TAKEN? Wanna bet how consistent with child support he's been?

Would it surprise you that, after costing himself many thousands of dollars to get this time. Costing me money. AND, opening up his financials so his first wife came after him for more support for THEIR child.. ultimately, it will have cost him $77,000, not a dollar of which is for OUR child... how much time does he take? How many more visits does he come see her here. a mere 100 miles away? You guessed it.. very little. It'd be close to none but it's not quite none. All this drama, all this "oh poor me, I HAVE to be involved, how DARE you rip MY child away" and end result? Yup, he's the SAME guy who didn't want to pay full child support BEFORE she moved and the same guy who wasn't particularly involved BEFORE she moved, etc. You can SAY whatever you want but? ACTIONS speak louder than words and when it comes to determining what's best for a child's FUTURE? The ONLY thing a judge can go by? Is PAST history since they are not fortunetellers.

You made your bed.. now you get to lie in it, will be my guess. Unfortunate for you, unfortunate for your child. She deserved to have a father who cared for her, fully, from day one, and not when it became convenient for him to.


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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: LexieBelle]
      #759581 - 08/16/11 03:46 PM

i love my daughter how dare you say i dont. You sound just like my ex "convinant for me" what is that suppose to mean? I had plans to move and leave before i even met her than i met her and i couldnt just put all my plans on hold because she was pregnant. We didnt even know if the child was mines until 3 months after she was born. I also cant believe a judge made HIM come visit your child where YOU stay and you moved not him. I hope the judge will just hear me out. Im trying to think of everything i can do and say to get them to make her stay.

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ssmom79
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759583 - 08/16/11 04:03 PM

A judge won't look at you being here now when you haven't been there before. Your past will determine your future. That is how it rolls even for the trolls.

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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: ssmom79]
      #759586 - 08/16/11 05:06 PM

thats not fair everyone makes mistakes. im a wonderful father i just had some things in my life that would come up and i couldnt afford to go see her. But i called and emailed my ex to ask for pictures and to videos.

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gr8Dad
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759588 - 08/16/11 05:41 PM

"thats not fair"

You say that an AWFUL lot...welcome to life.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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Debi
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759601 - 08/16/11 08:47 PM

"im a wonderful father i just had some things in my life that would come up and i couldnt afford to go see her. But i called and emailed my ex to ask for pictures and to videos."

Ok, i can accept that because my daughter has a father who isn't around very much. He lives in another state and he now drives truck. I know he loves her, and he does support her faithfully, he tries to keep in contact but at 3 she's not a huge phone person. I've done everything to try to facilitate a relationship including arranging my vacation to take her to visit his parents on a schedule he said would work for him. (but he never showed). He's seen her 4 times in her life and she will be 4yo in 6 weeks. He loves her, he's not a bad guy, as a matter of fact he's a pretty decent guy.

BUT........if he all of a sudden decided to move here after 4 years and then tried to block ME from moving away with the family I've built (for what I'm guessing is a better life because they aren't going to get assistance for at least 6 months in another state) you can bet your @ss I wouldn't take it lying down. I will move heaven and earth for my kids, (all of them) and I will do almost anything to be sure my daughter knows her daddy loves her and make sure they have a relationship but I wouldn't let someone who doesn't know that he doesn't get to choose WHEN he becomes a dad (ie several years AFTER the child is born) run my life.

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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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gr8Dad
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: Debi]
      #759602 - 08/16/11 08:52 PM

What really makes me mad is that this is the guy that makes OTHER guys look bad.

And FTR, will someone on this thread remember next time I am told I only bash WOMEN...just sayin', LOL!

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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LexieBelle
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: gr8Dad]
      #759605 - 08/16/11 09:22 PM

I will remember.

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concernedfather2
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: LexieBelle]
      #759652 - 08/17/11 08:59 AM

i am not making anyone look bad. I am just simply trying to fight for my daughter. I dont think its fair that just because i wasnt there in the beginning i should be punished now, and the fact that she's on assistance is a reason to ok a move. The judge should make them both get another part-time job if they cant find a full-time job. She can make it. She made it before when it was just her and our daughter here. She was working, going to school, and taking care of our daughter. But now that she's married and has another baby she feels its harder. Why is that? I dont understand she made it work before I really dont think she's trying hard enough and the judge should see that and order them to stay because they havent tried hard enough to find valuable employment.

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kkimberh
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759654 - 08/17/11 09:21 AM

I'm not seeing this move not happening. Your best bet is going to be to try to get the best parenting schedule that you can.

The thing is, leagally, the courts can't keep mom from moving, they can only keep the child from moving. That would mean giving custody to you. And since you haven't been in her life consistently, and this is apparently a recent thing, etc., that's just not going to happen.

So - forget the moving part, try to get a good long-distance parenting schedule...

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Debi
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: gr8Dad]
      #759709 - 08/17/11 07:19 PM

I never said you only bash women. When I disagree with you it has nothing to do with sticking up for a "gender". It's because I don't agree with you on that particular thread. I for the most part agree with your advice and we have a lot of the same opinions. I don't have the same approach as you but that doesn't mean I don't sometimes cheer on your "in your face" approach. One I'm not very good at.

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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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gr8Dad
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: Debi]
      #759716 - 08/17/11 08:51 PM

I know, not everyone does it, but there are a select few on here, who, when they disagree with me, start out with, "Well, if this was a MAN, you wouldn't...{insert whatever advice I gave".

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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cincsu
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759806 - 08/18/11 04:27 PM

my take on this being in a move away situation is that you accept the schedule considering you are just starting to develop the relationship. the child is 5 and before long would be able to travel unaccompanied (after becoming accustomed to flying). and rather than visiting the child in her area 1 weekend per month if you could change that wording to exchanges in her area 1 weekend per month - this would give you some latitude to go other places with her if you wanted. i'm not sure where you are living or if you friends or family close to where the mom wants to move.

this is a negotiation so you can expect that your ex came in low....propose something back that would be acceptable to you or higher than what you want and settle for something in the middle.

she will go in low, you will go in high and then you each make concessions.

i say this based on your history with the child and it also seems like you already have it in your head that you can't hire an attorney.

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finz
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759847 - 08/19/11 01:07 AM

[quote]i dont know how she would feel honestly i never asked her but i shouldnt need a lawyer the judge should just make her stay because im here now. And im establishing a relationship with my daughter that could get stronger. If only my ex had to stay. She's on assistance and they both work whats wrong with their lives that they have to move from here? [/quote]

******************************************

Ex and her new partner both only work PART TIME. He collects unemployment and she collects food stamps. They are not doing 'good' (as you phrased it in a previous post).

What's wrong with their lives is that they are both requiring financial assistance from the government. The courts and government in your state WANT them to move. Hopefully, they will be able to make a better living in another state. Worse case scenario, they'll require public assistance in the new state.....which still saves money for your state.


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finz
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: concernedfather2]
      #759848 - 08/19/11 01:09 AM

[quote]thats not fair everyone makes mistakes. im a wonderful father i just had some things in my life that would come up and i couldnt afford to go see her. But i called and emailed my ex to ask for pictures and to videos. [/quote]


You don't think the judge will think it's odd that you had the time and money to woo a new woman into marriage and you had NO time or money to visit the child that you helped create ?


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LexieBelle
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Re: i think im going to lose.. [Re: finz]
      #759864 - 08/19/11 09:35 AM

[quote][quote]thats not fair everyone makes mistakes. im a wonderful father i just had some things in my life that would come up and i couldnt afford to go see her. But i called and emailed my ex to ask for pictures and to videos. [/quote]


You don't think the judge will think it's odd that you had the time and money to woo a new woman into marriage and you had NO time or money to visit the child that you helped create ? [/quote]

Very good point.


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